What do you think?

Obsidian

Scribe of Cayol
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Dec 19, 2013
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Hi everyone! I'm new here, and I want to see what you think of a fantasy story I've been working on. Just for reference, Cayol is the country where basically all humans in the world have been sort of trapped. This is just the first paragraph.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Footsteps, pounding on stone. Then, the sound of somebody knocking at the old oak door. A girl with tawny brown hair and emerald eyes looked towards the door. I wonder who it could be, she wondered. She was Emi, the girl whose guardian was the healer, Arana. She was almost content, learning the ways of a healer. Emi enjoyed healing people, but a part of her longed for- well, she wasn’t quite sure what. Arana said she had what was called a ‘wandering spirit’, and it would take her many great places if she let it. After all, according to Arana, there were only a few left in Cayol who had the wandering spirits, like their ancestors. It made sense, since Cayol was enclosed by a high stone wall which nobody had ever made it over.

Thanks!
 

GrimWarlock

Daemon Prince of Tzeentch
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Oct 31, 2013
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Well... Actually I don't think anything. I need more before I can review. This could be a good start but just as easily it can be a bad one, when without context. So.... If you feel like it, give a bit more, as to create a feel for what you're getting at
 
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