Caterer's Cave

PenguinofDeath

The name says it all.
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*You enter the cave nervously, pausing to glance over your shoulder. Funny, the path that you stepped down seems to have vanished, in its place is a set of iron gates, stretching so high you can't reach the top. This is a matter of slight concern, but for now, you must focus on the reason you came, to stock up on the enchanted food that the mysterious penguin (of death) produced*

*You had heard many rumours of his 'factory,' nobody ever went in, and nobody ever came out, or something along the lines of that. Glancing into the darkness, you see a slight light, and follow it. The ground is uncomfortably hard, but at the same time, you can feel your feet sinking into it. As you reach the light source, you realise it is a closed door. Opening it, you peer in, and see...the Penguin of Death*

Greetings, great general. Whether you are following the Alliance, or the Anti-Flakes, your business is important to me. Tell me, what is it that you would like to purchase for your units? Remember, I can make custom foods, but these things don't come cheap.




PenguinofDeath's Catering Service

+-+-+-+-Menu-+-+-+-+

Frosted Flake Dishes

Frosted Flake Sandwich
Description- The eater is instantly driven into a barbaric rage of sheer adoration for the flake and its cause. The eater feels no fear, and will not challenge their orders for the next few hours. (ONLY BUYABLE BY FLAKERS....IF FED TO AN ANTI-FLAKE UNIT, WHO CAN TELL?)

Bowl of Frosted Flakes
Description- Gives 33% of the eaters daily allowance of calcium. The liquer that a cow secretes from its udder doesn't come cheap, however. Makes for shiny hair, teeth and a brief spell of superhuman strength. (ONLY BUYABLE BY FLAKERS)

Bowl of 'Le Frosties'
Description- As a bowl of Frosted Flakes, but an import from Europe. So naturally, they cost twice as much, and are otherwise exactly the same as the above. Buy them to show your wealth to the pitiful Alliance! (Purely to make Flakers want to buy the product, I of course have no feelings of malice towards either side)

Fried Frosted Flake Bar
Description- This scrummy treat is full of tooth rotting goodness. An overload of sugar leads to alertness, enhanced speed and enthusiasm, but a bit of a lapse in concentration. Over-use can lead to tooth rot without proper dental care.

Fish Dishes

Salmon Surprise
Description- this mysterious stew has a bizzare texture and taste. Nobody has any idea what goes into it, this much they do know: any person who consumes a bowl of this 'slop' is polymorphed into an aquatic hybrid of man and fish. Useful for combat in marshland, or just if you want to make your army look that much cooler.

Cod Nuggets
Description- Fish coated in batter...the perfect combination. About as fattening as is possible, though, so be wary. Served to the units in handy cardboard boxes, each time one of these is swallowed, the eater becomes entirely unmovable for a brief span of time.

Cuttlefish Crunchies
Description- A packet of exotic crisps, imported straight from Tokyo. Expensive, and to be honest, incredibly foul, these things are rare and expensive. After crunching into one, the eater can breath a plume of foul breath, that reeks, and is highly corrosive.

Fish Fingers (Extra Cripsy)
Description- A favourite among children and people who can't cook. Biting into one of these rock hard things can easily chip your tooth, but if you have the mettle to break through one, the resounding 'CRUNCH' is so loud, that it can burst the eardrums of any nearby beings. It cannot determine between friend and foe, though.
(COULD ALSO BE USED TO SHAKE APART WAR MACHINES)

SNACKS EXOTICO

Pixie Sticks
Description- Yes. These sticks are made from crushed pixie. Yes. They are incredibly expensive, and yes, pixies are a creature so evil that only 'good' characters may eat their powdered bodies. After eating, the unit gets a brief charge of pixie-magic, and can shoot a stream of rainbow light from their fingers, that doesn't half sting if it hits you. One tube makes for one blast- pixies are hard to replace. Roughly one pixie to every five tubes.

Supa-Minty-Fresh-Sugar-Happy-Happy-Chew-Gum
Description- This imported gum must be chewed on for a full five minutes before its abilities become clear. On the packet, it states that the eater is unkillable after chewing this, and after four minutes must charge at the enemy. It in fact, causes the unit to explode after the five-minute chew period is done. *chuckle* Ka-BOOM

Yoghurt
Description- pots of this come in various flavours, their effects are detailed below
Toffee- Eat this and you will need no sleep that night
Vanilla- Grants intangibility to you and everything in contact with you for around 3 seconds.
Strawberry- Warps the eaters body- they may become a mass of blades, a killing machine- or they might become a shapeless blob of tortured spawn. Roulette ^-^

List will be updated on request- custom items can be made, but only for those with some influence, and a lot of bribery ;)
 

Wisconsin

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And, umm... how do you suggest we pay you for these?
 
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PenguinofDeath

PenguinofDeath

The name says it all.
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  • Thread Starter
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That's up to you to decide ;) Money, favours, new slaves...

Imaginary of course
 

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