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  1. javelin98

    Mental Health Clinic Voice Mail System (rated G)

    WELCOME TO THE MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC HELPLINE: If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are passive-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you are codependent, please press 2 for the passive-dependent person. If you are manic-depressive, press 0...
  2. javelin98

    Evolution of the California educational system (rated G)

    This is how the California educational system evolved... past, present, and future Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100...
  3. javelin98

    Men's Rules (that women should know) (rated G)

    Men's Rules (that women should know) Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be...
  4. javelin98

    Fun Things to Do in an Elevator (rated G)

    Fun Things to Do in an Elevator Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Shave. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" Stand silent and motionless in the...
  5. javelin98

    Ways to Have a Fun Time At Wal-Mart (rated PG)

    Ways to Have a Fun Time At Wal-Mart Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs...
  6. javelin98

    [Rated PG] Top 10 Things I Hate About Star Trek

    Top 10 Things I Hate About Star Trek 10. Noisy doors. You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked through them...
  7. javelin98

    I keep getting logged out!

    I've been on the boards for six months or so and never had any problems, but in the last two or three days I've been having a problem staying logged in. I haven't changed any settings in my PC or anything; all I know is that one minute I'll be logged in and the next I'm having to log in again...
  8. javelin98

    [Rated G] Who's on First, Updated

    ”Who's on First” updated ~ Bud and Lou in the 21st Century ABBOT: Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOT: Mac©? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou ABBOT: Your computer...
  9. javelin98

    On Being Orky, Chapter 3

    3. Istere, the capital city of the Imperial world Sorcim, was nothing like it had been three days before. A pall of smoke and gloom hung over the rubble, as Ork bikeboyz ripped through the streets and gangs of Orks took turns shooting fun things, such as lampposts and each other. Someone...
  10. javelin98

    On Being Orky, Chapter 2

    2. Hijan and I were getting used to being thrown to our knees. We had been taken from the hill to the battlewagon, where we were thrown to our knees in the hot, dark crew compartment, then driven to the center of Istere, to the palace of the Imperial governor, Lord Commander the Baron of...
  11. javelin98

    Film score composers you know and love

    Being a former (some would say "recovering") musician, I find that I pay about an equal amount of attention to the score of a film as to the plot. Here's a few of my favorite composers -- who are yours? John L. Williams -- Does this one really need explaining? John Williams has written...
  12. javelin98

    100 Things I’ll Do if I Ever Become an Evil Overlord (rated G)

    Top 99 Things I’ll Do if I Ever Become an Evil Overlord 1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones. 2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through. 3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not...
  13. javelin98

    "Freelancer" CRPG review

    Freelancer, released in March of 2003 by Microsoft and Digital Anvil, is one of the most beautiful space-fighter-jockey games to come along. Its graphics put most other games in the genre to shame, and the game interface itself is extremely well thought out and designed. Sadly, it also has a...
  14. javelin98

    Too many saves, too much healing.

    So I'm playing through NWN again, and it seems to me that the game just doesn't seem challenging enough. After all, you can sit down right in the middle of a hallway, deep in the heart of a castle crawling with fey creatures and dire beasts, where you can rest long enough to take about three...
  15. javelin98

    Twenty Quotes

    Just for fun, here's some obscure (or maybe not) quotes from sci-fi and fantasy movies. Can you guess what films they're from? What obscure quotes would you add? 1. "We are not in the Eighth dimension, we are over New Jersey. Hope is not lost." 2. "When a dragon grows this old it...
  16. javelin98

    On Being Orky, Chapter 1

    This story is set in the 40K universe. Any resemblance to massive corporations wishing to sue me for copyright infringement are purely coincidental. On Being Orky 1. I am Imperial Archivist Rhes Octofel, and this is the record of my heresy. I shall bore you with the details...
  17. javelin98

    Fantasy character naming conventions

    Hey, kids! If you're new to fantasy gaming, or are ghost-writing a fantasy novel for some aging TV star that needs supplemental income, don't kill yourself trying to come up with brilliant, imaginative new character names! Instead, simply follow these common conventions. After all -- tens of...
  18. javelin98

    Scale mail

    Anyone have any good ideas for metal scales to use in making costume scale mail? It seems like it would be awfully expensive to have them custom machined, yet common scale-like objects just don't seem to do it (thinking of spoon bowls, dog tags, etc.)
  19. javelin98

    The City-State of Kakoethes and the Paladin Slayers Guild (theme suggesstion)

    The City-State of Kako'ethes and the Paladin Slayers Guild (theme suggestion) Kako’ethes (pronounced KAY-ko-EE-theez) is the dominant city-state in the lands that lie west of the Spinehold Mountains and south of the Hvetor Desert. The city-state holds considerable influence over an oblong...
  20. javelin98

    Quick 40K buildings idea

    I haven't tried this yet, but it seems possible. My kids have a number of little sand castle molds -- castle-shaped buckets you use at the beach to create sand castles, towers, etc. They're hard plastic and sell at Toys R Us, Wal-Mart, and other general big-box stores for about a buck each...
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