yo moma jokes

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by JOKER>man, Feb 16, 2009.

  1. JOKER>man

    JOKER>man New Member

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    STUPID




    Yo Mama So Stupid
    I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

    she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

    she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

    she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

    it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

    when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

    she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

    she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

    she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

    she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

    she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

    she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

    she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

    I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

    it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

    she invented a silent car alarm.

    that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

    she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

    she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

    she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

    she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

    she lost her shadow.

    she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

    she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

    she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

    she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

    when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

    FAT




    Your Mama So Fat
    when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

    she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

    folk exercise by jogging around her!

    when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.

    she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy

    she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie

    NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer

    she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...

    small objects orbit her.

    she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

    when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

    when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

    she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.

    when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!

    she could be the eighth continent.

    she nearly put Safeway out of business

    the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.

    her Uni graduation photo was an aerial

    when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.

    she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.

    her fave food is seconds.

    her belt size is Equator.

    she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid

    she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her

    she shows up on radar.

    she needs a map to find her butt.

    she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!

    she wears an asteroid belt.

    her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'

    she has TB ... 2 bellys.

    she's once, twice, three times a lady.

    she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.

    the circus use her as a trampoline

    stunt agencies use her as an air mattress

    when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'

    she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen

    she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!

    she deep fries her toothpaste.

    OLD




    Yo Moma So Old
    she left her purse on Noah's Ark.

    Jurassic Park brought back the memories...

    when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.

    she still owes Moses a dollar.

    when she was at school...there was No history class!

    she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea

    she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.

    when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock

    she even made Yoda jealous.

    she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.

    the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake

    when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.

    she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade

    her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.

    her birthday expired.

    when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!

    she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments
    HAS GOT




    Yo Moma...
    has 10 fingers -- all on the same hand.

    has green hair and thinks she's a Tree.

    has a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.

    has wooden boobs and breast feeds beavers

    has one short leg and that why she always walking in circles...

    has a major weight problem - she can't wait...to eat.

    got a house that's so dusty, the Cockroaches drive around in Dune Buggies

    got a glass eye with a fish in it.

    got so much hair on her upper lip she has to braid it

    got so much dandruff that a Midgie landed on her head and said: "Christ, I aint' seen this much snow in years."

    got so much hair on her chest that her Breasts remind me of Coconuts...

    is a carpenter's dream - flat as a board and so easy to nail...

    POOR



    Yo Moma So Poor
    that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

    they put her photo on food stamps.

    when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

    she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

    burglars break into her home and leave money.

    when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

    the building society repossed her cardboard box.

    she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

    each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers

    she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.

    when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.

    I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

    when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'

    I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."

    I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"

    I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."

    only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...

    when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."

    she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

    closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...

    she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

    I went into her 'living room', stepped on a *** butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"

    I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"

    I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.

    she does drive by shootings on the school bus.

    when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china


    THANK YOU for reading
     
  2. anonymous

    anonymous the king

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    i didnt read too lazy
     
  3. Turambar

    Turambar Harebrained Staff Member

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    Luna lovegood: my moma is dead.
     
  4. Killbot608

    Killbot608 prototype killing machine

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    yo momma so ugly she went into a haunted house an came out with an application form