Writing something just let me know what you think.

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Fozzi89, Aug 26, 2012.

  1. Fozzi89

    Fozzi89 New Member

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    Hey I have been messing around with a story and finall decided to get it started while I am deployed. Below is the prologue , let me know what you think.

    “Captain Deveron, Were under attack” Screamed Lt Sebastian. Deveron quickly threw on his armor sheathed his sword and whistled for Jok.” Lucinda, take Airador and get inside the castle walls it is the safest place for you right now. Airador, be brave and take care of your momma I love you both.” He quickly gave both of them a kiss. As he left the front door of his small cabin his Chimera Jok landed on a ground as a small hawk. Deveron jumped in the air and landed on Jok’s back as he shifted into a black jungle cat twice the size of any normal horse, and they were off toward the front gate accompanied by Sebastian on his companion who was in the form of a giant grey wolf. The two reach the front gate in only moments pouncing across the whole city.
    The two leaped on top of the city wall where they met the eight other members of the Chimeran guard all with their chimera in the form of a great white wolf. What is it and where are they. Our scouts spotted nearly twenty dragons with riders wearing red approximately a mile out they will be here any minute. Captain Deveron turned to Sebastian “ you take four and flank them from behind, we will stay here and stop them from entering the city.” He turned to the nearest guard ordering archers to take any shot they have aiming for the riders not the dragons.
    Sebastian and his men jumped off the front of the wall and shot straight into the air as there Chimera shifted into Giant black falcons with talons the size of a small child. As the great black dragons came into site Deveron and his men dropped into the trees, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. As the five warriors hide in the trees, adrenalin racing eager for the coming battle they hear a horn followed by the first line of arrows soaring over the top of the trees. As soon as Deveron heard the first sound of an arrow striking armor Jok pounces nearly a hundred yards into the air with his great black paws extended he digs his claws deep into the nearest dragons neck clinging tight forcing the dragon into a straight dive for the ground. Deveron throws a dagger impaling the rider in the neck. Just before the dragon slams into the ground Jok leaps threw the air and catches them on the nearest tree. Jok climbs and as they set them self on a large branch they look down and see the first victims of this point less battle.
    Jok leaps from the branch they are posted on and shifts into a giant black falcon. Deveron hangs on as he feels Jok’s body changing, his neck shrinks and his body expands as wings and feathers sprout out and catch the air. With one might stroke they are lifted above the trees one more and they are lifted above the ongoing battle between enormous birds diving and plucking riders of the backs of furious black dragons. Dragons roar and jets of bright yellow flame nearly miss one of Deveron’s men. At the first sight of fire Jok dives straight for the dragon and his rider. Jok drops directly on top of the dragon sinking his talons into his rider’s chest. Deveron leaps off of Joc as he lifts away from the dragon and Deveron lands softly on the dragon’s neck. As fast as lightning Deveron draws his sword and cuts threw the dragons wing from the from where the wing meets the back of dragon to the bottom of its ribs so only a small amount of flesh connects the two. As the dragon begins to drop to the forest below Deveron leaps into the air and before he even began to lose altitude Jok was underneath Deveron once more. Deveron looks over the side of Jok to see the wind tear the rest of the flesh away from the dragons body and slowly glide and land on top of the nearest tree as the dragon continued to plummet through the trees and land hard on the ground motionless, crimson blood dripping from its wingless side.
    As Deveron and his men continue to fight their speed and strength over powering there enemy, Sebastian and the others shout a war cry from the rear and all five dive from above directly toward an enemy dragon. Each one meet there targeting sinking their talons into the necks and heads of their enemy forcing them to plummet to the ground, all of them release the dragon just before they reach the top of the trees and ensnare there riders in there talons as they release there dragons. The Chimera fly high into the air and once more and loosen their grip allowing the rider to drop like a stone hundreds of feet to their death.
    As Deveron circles the battle scouting for the leader of this raid a jet of fire shoot up at him from below. An enormous black dragon begins to fly straight towards them, the rider on his back howling swinging his sword. With a grin on his face Deveron dives head on to meet him, Jok spirals around a second jet of flame. Just before they meet a second dragon and rider slam into the under belly of Jok. It was a setup, Jok begins to fall wildly. He spreads his wings and catches the air underneath his feathers and before either can really recover light of dragon fire begins to come down upon them. Jok was able to dodge it but barely. They begin to clime heading for the dragon dodging jets of fire one after another. The dragon has the advantage, he has the high ground so to speak, Jok and Deveron were both slowed from the Crash. As they continue to climb the dragon dives straight for them shooting a jet of flames to their left forcing them to the right. He knew how they would react and met them head on; claws extended diving the full weight of the dragon and rider on top of the two. The dragons claws tighten around the to and one pierces threw Deverons armor and slides under his ribs. Deveron screams in agony and as if Jok felt his pain screeched in horror.
    Jok in a desperate attempt to get free shifted into a jungle cat once more. The dragon could not hold onto his body, and they both began to flow toward the forest. Jok dug his claws into a huge tree as they fell ripping the tree nearly in half, breaking branches on the away down. As they finally begin to slow Jok leaps from the tree landing gently on the ground. Deveron, no longer able to hold on slides off his back on to the ground looking up at the battle.
    With only five dragons and four riders remaining the pair who he had been fighting called for a retreat. The five black dragons began to lift higher into the air heading fly south back to the city of Travic. As before they were out of site nearly all of the Chimeran Guard was around him. He didn’t have the strength to speak; the dragon had pieced his lung, so he couldn’t catch his breath. Jok stood over him. They looked into each other’s eyes, after nearly five centuries of working together there was nothing else he could say. They just stared into each other’s eyes as Deveron reached up to pet his friends fur one more time. As his arm falls his gaze wavers and the great Capt Deveron of the Chimeran Guard was gone.
     
  2. Fozzi89

    Fozzi89 New Member

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    Just read Members - your views on new authors joining the forums
    Let me be clear I am not an author and I come here and on a regular basis I like to check ou the fantasy forum section. I dont plan on getting this published I just injoy a good story and wanted to see what other fantasy fans think of it.