Untouchable...

Discussion in 'Fan Poetry' started by RayCaptain, Nov 21, 2012.

  1. RayCaptain

    RayCaptain 如朱

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    Where are those that would accuse me?
    Those that, given the chance, would abuse me?
    Hiding just out of my sight,
    Won't step into the light...

    And should they ever step to me,
    I know that I can depend on three,
    Thanks to you, now I know I am untouchable,
    They would say I've lost but I'm not so gullible...

    So take me to the edge,
    To jump from the high ledge,
    A leap of faith into the dark, into the abyss,
    The way is straight and narrow, but I won't miss...

    My light in the dark, and a shoulder to lean on,
    Take me back no matter how long I've been gone,
    I am stronger now, stronger than I've ever been,
    Strong through you, so much stronger than sin...

    Even those that would mock,
    Their words are like chalk,
    In the midst of a summer day's rain,
    Washed away, wash away pain...

    Your words are a lullaby, to the lonely,
    A rock to stand on, the one and only,
    The rising tide, to sweep us away,
    While others choose to stay...

    Swept away, water up to my eyes, I will breathe it in,
    Because, once you go under, that's when it will begin,
    Feeling to where was once numb,
    Signs of great things to come...
     
  2. S.J. Faerlind

    S.J. Faerlind Flashlight Shadowhunter

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    I really like this one :)
     
  3. Lord Yuan

    Lord Yuan Death-Thousand+

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    So far lots of your poems have used the same rhyming method, couplets is it called? If you got more experimental you could weave some really syk stuff probably. That and maybe challenge your lexicon, use words you don't know a rhyme to and figure one out that will work with it really well after the fact. You could get into some really interesting phrasing or imagery that way.

    Just my opinion after reading a few of your poems.
     
  4. RayCaptain

    RayCaptain 如朱

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    Mhm, all of my poems (except the occasional haiku) follow a very structural AABB rhyming sequence. I've dabbled in some... What's it called... Poems that don't rhyme but 'flow' nonetheless. That generally turns into more story telling than not. However, I have thought about completely ridding myself of structural basis. Rhyming an number of lines before moving on to another syllable sound; however, I actually don't know how to put that down and make it look 'neat'. But a very good suggestion indeed and I think it'd be to my benefit to go after that.

    And thank you Faer ^_^ If you're interested in other fan poetry, I highly suggest The People's Champion. All he does on here is poetry and even published a book!
     
  5. S.J. Faerlind

    S.J. Faerlind Flashlight Shadowhunter

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    Thanks Ray. I read TPC's stuff too though I didn't know he'd published a book. There's tons of authors in this place :) If you know the title I could look it up.....