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Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Kakashi, Jul 7, 2008.

  1. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    Its just a story i've been working on. Its not much good, but i thought i'd post it for the heck of it.



    Konrad sucked in the cool, dry mountain air. He couldn’t see what Lord Mlthang had seen in this desolate plain. His Lord though, for whatever reason, had chosen to start his empire here, on this desolate tundra of the North. Not really much of an empire, he supposed, but it was more organization than had ever been established in the region.
    Konrad had come here less than a decade ago, more out of necessity than desire. In the Southern Lands, called the Green Lands by the Wildings of the North (among other names not fit to print), Konrad had been labeled a traitor by the Konomarrian Empire, after refusing to burn a temple full of young children and old women. After escaping a beheading, Konrad fled to the only place that would take in a ‘traitor’. He still hadn’t completely adapted to the frozen winds, after spending a majority of his life in the desert sands far to the South. Upon coming here, he’d been employed into Mlthang’s Palace Guard. He was a seasoned veteran compared to the green rookies who, similar to him, had no other place other place to go. Many of his fellow guards were of bastard races, half elves, blackbloods, etcetera; these not being accepted by main stream society. Others still were thieves, rapists or assassins, most fleeing to Mlthang’s Kingdom after being banished for their respective cities, and being branded a criminal. Mlthang’s Pledge of ‘Afu Mathon Ratar Mu Toromo’; translated as ‘None Shall be Denied these Walls,’ held true, no matter how reckless it may seem to outsiders. All races and religions, classes and occupations lived in harmony, no matter how much fire it went under from the thickly divided societies that the South mainly consisted of.
    Smiling slightly to himself, Konrad looked over to his partner-on-watch, Ali, a meekly built blackblood, who he had taken under his wing. He had been a bad fighter, one of the worst and was almost thrown from the Guard. Konrad had taught him much about swordsmanship and defending himself, even how to get respect for himself. Ali quickly progressed, finally getting to a place of respect in most everyone’s eyes, including his own. Looking more closely, as to make sure his eyes didn’t deceive him, Konrad simply laughed aloud. Ali, past himself, had dozed asleep on duty. No matter how kind he was, Mlthang would have both their hides for this. Walking over, he pat his gloved hand onto the young warrior’s shoulder, “Boy! You don’t want the Captain to hea-.”
    Standing over Ali, Konrad suddenly noticed a protrusion out of the man’s side. Konrad’s eyes widened as he took a step back from the corpse. It was an arrow. Reaching to his side for his horn, he went to signal alarm, and it was then that he felt was sharp pain in the side of his neck. Bringing the horn to his lips he blew as hard as his frozen lungs would allow. Instead of air, though, blood came pouring out of his mouth. Dropping his horn, he crumbled onto the icy earth. As he died, Konrad thought of the sea.

    * * *

    Elkean’s dry lips pressed together in something that might be called a smile. Before him sat the icy citadel of Lord Mlthang, burning in the ethereal moonlight. The entire Northern Empire, taken out in a single, well-aimed blow. As General Draamen had hypothesized, not only Mlthang, but his entire Council of Staff had been present at the Capital; and all had been executed on sight, including Lord Mlthang himself. Besides the still smoking ruins, no signs remained of the once proud fortress, not even a single prisoner to tell the tale. This battle would be remembered by one point of view- that of the victorious Cambridge Empire.
    If the General’s plan followed through, the remainder of the Empire would dismantle itself over the next few months. At first, they would no doubt try to stand tall, the soft, decorative Governors of the remaining half dozen fortresses. But soon enough, squalor would arise and none of the cities rulers having any actual experience in running a city or even taking care of themselves. Famine would strike first, then unemployment and finally just distrust and spite of their new governments. Mlthang was the true hero, the main reason any of them stayed to follow the empire. In result, the Wildings would again separate into the Tribal boundaries they had formed thousands of years before; the thieves and criminals would break apart and flee into their respective hovels and waste their lives away as hermits and Bastard Knights.
    All of this, without lifting a sword, a pen, or even a finger. It was genius. No doubt his part in Draamen’s plan would promote Elkean to General or at least give him a promotion of some kind. He had long been loyal and trustworthy tool to the Emperor and General Draamen alike, but he could hardly have been considered a war-hero. This was just the thing he needed to enforce his other, more soldierly aspects.
    Spitting into the thin layer of ice covering the snow drenched field, he took on last look at his burning trophy and went to join the other soldiers in the camp. It was getting late, and tomorrow was going to be a long, yet fulfilling day.
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2008
  2. Dragn9

    Dragn9 Sorcerer Supreme

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    It's pretty good so far, although some of the sentences were slightly confusing at the beginning (perhaps the wording?) However this is only a draft so the editing and grammar aren't that important right now imo. I think it's a good start and I'm sure you'll be able to expand on the characters a lot more as the story progresses.
     
  3. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    Thanks for reading :D

    i'll go through and correct all the errors i can.
     
  4. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    Wow, this is very good. I agree with Dragn9 about the errors but they aren't important right now. The idea is very cool though. It kinda reminds me of the Malazan Book of the Fallen by Steven Erikson. Keep posting!
     
  5. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    Hehe... i was reading the Gardens of the Moon when i started to write this story :D

    Thanks for reading
     
  6. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    Wow thats crazy cuz I didn't think anyone else read the Malazan Book of the Fallen other than myself. It's nice to meet another fan.
     
  7. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    hehe, its definetly a great series :D one of my favorites


    Dak fastened the jeweled brood across his thin, pale chest. There wasn’t much time to waste. The High Mage’s scrying had sounded urgent, and he didn’t have much room to navigate with her. She wasn’t overly fond of him by any means, and he couldn’t say he cared much for her either. But she had more than enough say to have him ousted from his position as Arch-mage with little or no effort. She may not have the highest opinion of him, but she had a good nose for talent, and she kept him around for that reason alone.
    Gripping his battlestaff tightly in his cleanly groomed hand, he whistled an old epic tune he had learned from some mummer or another. He stopped as soon as he spotted the Library of the Scarab ahead in the shifting horizon; it’s white polished columns blinking off in the distance and it’s copper plated roof showing like a brilliant suit of amour. Within its ancient marble walls High Mage Frostheart no doubt sat in her cloaked glory, waiting to send him off on some lecture. But something told him this was about more than some important life lesson. Scrying took a good deal of energy, which Frostheart no doubt had, thousands of times over, but it wasn’t a power commonly used, unless of course their was an urgent matter at hand. Ravens were the main source of long-range communication, and mages seemed to be most fond of those dark, mysterious birds. So by any means, this was a matter that had to be dealt with urgently, but he still wasn’t looking forward to whatever discussion the High Mage had waiting for him.
    Pushing open the heavy oaken doors of the great library, he was surprised to see the place nearly empty, except for a few monks and scribes studying along the shelves. Shrugging, he bee-lined to the small, inconspicuous door to the High Mages study, where she would no doubt be waiting. But before he could make it to the Solar, he felt a hand grasp his shoulder. Turning, he was met with the familiar face of his fellow Arch-mage, Erikson the Bloodletter, as he was called by the High Mage. “’Lo Dak. Good to see you’ve arrived.”
    “Aye, Erik, good to see yah. Has old cold-face given up any info as of yet?”
    “Surprisingly enough, no. She said we must wait for ye, for she didn’t want to have to repeat herself. Best follow me.”
    “Thanks, coz. Should be for the best.”
    With a simple nod of his head, Arch-mage Erikson, quite a short and stout man, rushed over to the entrance to Frostheart’s abode.
    Entering Frostheart’s office in quite a rush, Dak found the room populated with the other three Arch-mages besides himself and Erik; Tor (the Gauntlet), Vorven (the Hawkeye) and Cyn (the Dreadspell). The High Mage sat at her large, ornate desk, and the Arch-mages stood to either side of their room, with no particular organization. Each one of the Arch-mages gave him a stern nod, similar to Erikson’s earlier, and then let the High Mage speak.
    “Dak the Rouge, Good to see you haven’t forgotten about coming.” Frostheart cooed.
    “See, I knew you cared about me, High Mage!”
    With a thin, catlike smirk, she gave one last motion, a wave of her hand to the wall, lined with shelves filled with books and tomes, most covered with dust and mold, but they still found a spot in Frostheart’s eyesight.
    “You all must be aware of the on-going… border disputes with the Calamandrians,” Speaking of the Calamandrian Empire, lining the Northern Border of the Konomarrian Empire, being the only adjacent Empire to them, “Well it has been ordered by the highest authority of the Emperor Accettura himself, that we take this said Empire. The Emperor wants Calamandria’s Capital at Highgrove. And he wants it before the Tenday is out. His plan involves us, the Mages of his disposal, very deeply. We can get to tactics later. They haven’t revealed these to even me. Any questions?”
    “What are we to do with our strength? Our numbers have suffered greatly since-.” Questioned Arch-mage Tor, just as he was cut off by the High Mage.
    “Two things. I know of our numbers. I think about them every damn night. Second, I said tactics later. I’m sure that High-tactician Monaco has taken this all into consideration. I doubt the most brilliant mind since Adam the Purger would forget this blaring fact. Next?”
    “Yes. And I’m sure you can take mine into more account. Why would the most ‘brilliant’ man since the gods themselves plan this now of all times? We’ve been having the same bloody dispute for centuries, and I doubt that there is any real plan.”
    “Mlthang the Oblivious has been slain. His, the Northern Empire has fallen into the laps of the Cambridge pigs. I’m sure even a daft man like you can see that we cannot simply watch these scavengers rip apart the corpse of this fallen Empire. We must make our own move, and make it quickly. As for your doubts, if you doubt this Government so much, leave it.”
    “Maybe so. High Mage, you have my staff. But mark my words, if this is as massive of a failure as I am expecting, it falls at your feet. Not the Lords that are ordering this. They’ll shove this at you, at you’ll be forced to take blame or die.”
    “Indeed Arch-mage. Now if you would please leave the room, I must finish my discussion with one of Accettura’s underlings. Page!”
    A page in the garb of House Accettura’s personal employees entered the room through a door hidden behind one of the dusty bookshelves. He was a weak man, in spirit and body, as you had to be to get chosen by the Accettura hierarchy.
    Bowing his head, he left the room; along with the other Arch-mages to leave the High Mage and the messenger have their discussion.
    There had been worse lectures, but this was certainly one of the most surprising.
    “The Elder Mage.” Cyn shot our, once the five Arch-mages were huddled together.
    “Elder Mages? I thought that the last of them had been finished off years ago.” Erikson returned.
    “All but one. Wurtz.”
    “Elder magic surviving is believable enough, but Wurtz? He died decades ago, by Merlyn no less.” Dak said, cutting in to the conversation.
    “Was a body every found? All they found was ashes. Even a spell as powerful as the one Merlyn used would have left at least charred bones. But nothing was left. It would be simple enough, that even a novice in magic could perform it. Substitution. Wurtz simply had to substitute his body for… say a log, or a bale of straw, and make a clean getaway.”
    “That story makes perfect sense, Cyn, and I have to say I don’t have to stretch my disbelief at all. But the thing is, why would you expect Wurtz to be the reason? It could be many things. In fact, it could be nothing at all!” Vorven assumed.
    “The first thing that tipped me off was the city we’re attacking. Highgrove. Known for having a massive army, mainly spear and cavalry troops. The worst match for that? Mages. No one could be that stupid, to send a hundred wizards against thousands of ground troops. I’m sure that there is something on their side. Something that Monaco has planned for us. Lastly, do you remember all of those ‘botched’ reports? At least twenty or so spies and scouts have been reported insane for seeing Ancestral Warriors. That has Elder Magic written all over it. All of these specters have been spotted in one place- Highgrove. All of the other Elder Mages were reported dead decades ago, as with Wurtz, but they all had corpses that proved them dead. Wurtz, nothing.”
    Dak was certainly surprised. He never knew Cyn to be thing… Smart. “Are you sure you’re a mage, and not a detective? That was well done Cyn. But for our sakes, let’s hope you’re wrong. Wurtz was the strongest of the Elder Mages, and it took one of the strongest mages ever, Merlyn the Blue, to finally destroy him.”
    “Do you think Frostheart knows about this? I couldn’t see h-.” Tor questioned, being quickly cut off by a soft voice, from the doorway of the High Mage’s Solar.
    “Arch-mages,” It was the page from earlier. “The High Mage Frostheart requests your presence.”
    And she couldn’t call us in herself? I think she’s enjoying this whole ‘helpless servant’ thing.
    The High Mage was visibly surprised, or at least winded. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were slightly red. “Welcome back…” Had see been told of the plan? Had Cyn been right? “Page Steen has told me of… Accettura and Monaco’s plan. We shall attack the High Mage of Highgrove, and destroy him. High Mage Wurtz… Any questions?”
    Cyn much less surprised than any of the others quickly shot off a question, “Is this the Elder Mage Wurtz?”
    “His son.” The High Mage said in a weak voice. All of them were too shocked to ask anything. No one, none of them at least knew that Wurtz had a child, one named after himself, at that. Vorven quickly changed the subject.
    “Should we organize our squads-?” Vorven said, being cut off quickly.
    “No. Your squads may remain at home. We will be going through this alone… just the seven of us.”
    “I know you aren’t the brightest star, Frostheart, but you must realize that this is insane.” Dak shot out. “As for your miscounting…”
    The door in which the Page had entered once again thundered open, as a Half-giant, as Dak deduced from his size, charged through the door, its face hard and stern. “I’m the seventh man.”
    “Who the hell-?” Dak continued ranting.
    “Australopithecus. Learned in Ancient Magic, the equal to Elder Magic. The strongest Mage in all of the Konomarrian Empire.” The Page answered smugly.
    “Why isn’t he the High Mage then?”
    “Do you think I would waste my time sitting on a decorated throne doing paperwork and listening to complaints from you little incompetents? I’ve been offered the job dozens of times.” Australopithecus spat arrogantly.
    “Even so! Why in the name of Artix aren’t we bringing our squads?! Wh-.”
    “Your squads!” Austrolpehicus laughed aloud “They would only get in the way! The match for a powerful magician is not numbers! Its skill! The Emperor claims that you are the strongest mages besides myself in his control. Let’s hope he’s right!”
    “I’m about sick of hearing about your damned good deeds! Not even you’ll make a difference! Elder Magic is eons more powerful than your bloody Ancient Magic!” Dak returned, raising his voice in protest.
    “I’ll crush Wurtz between two of my fingers, just as I could crush any of you!”
    “Enough! You may be more powerful than I, but I’m still the High Mage! I won’t let you show this insolence in my personal Solar!”
    “I will not let a woman-!”
    “Page! Collar your dog! I’ve had enough of this. See you at weeks end, GREAT Australopithecus.” The High Mage said, waving her hand to the exit they both had entered through. Massaging her temples she sighed. “I’ve had about enough with the bloody Hierarchy…”
    Dak laughed.

    ***

    Meteorain smiled, gripping the charred wall which followed Shulz’s Road from its beginning in Kerr, to its end near the Nevenpass High. Stone, as the city was named, may be slightly misshapen and more or less a dead-end town, it was still his birth place, and nothing could change that. His friends, his family, all of them called this shanty-town home.
    Kicking the ground, a column of ash rose from the floor, a remnant of the events earlier in the month. It had started out with a starving peasant, a child mind you, falling in front of a Lieutenant so-and-so. The boy was killed, of course, so disturbing the officer’s walk. A nameless orphan, but a person the same. This is the kind of things he and his people had lived through for countless generations. But countless generations was far too long for a lot of people. Unrest and squalor had been regular talk in the seediest of pubs and inns. This was the stalk that broke the mule’s back. A gang of maybe one-hundred men surrounded the score of heavily armed soldiers, maces, halberds and swords in each of their hands. The mob had picks, hammers and mostly fists. All of them wielding the tools of the jobs they had just put on hold. The soldiers of course were wearing thick Stine plate armor, being one of the strongest materials in the known world. The best protection the peasants had were the thick cloth aprons of the blacksmiths. The first attack thrown was by an over-weight blacksmith by the name of Por. He had made a fairly nice pick-axe for Met in the past. He wielded the same hammer that he had used to craft it, no doubt. His swing was straight and well aimed, but it did little to dent thick plate armor. With a mace-swing to his skull, Por became the first causality of the Axe’s Edge Rebellion. It had moved fast from there- the soldiers had all went into attack mode, the peasants sending it back at them tenfold. Everyone loves the story the people championing against tyranny, but in this case, it didn’t pan out. 100 un-trained, ill-prepared peasants fell. Only two tyrannical soldiers for their sacrifice. Not only were the bodies of the rebels burnt, but the entire Fisher’s Quarter was scorched as well, with the people still inside. True, most were able to get out without being burnt alive, but they still lost their houses and many lost their business’. One-hundred and twenty-one people were killed by the Empire that day, including eighteen killed in the inferno and the two men who attempted to stop it, and were killed by a solider in their attempt. Not to mention the dozens killed everyday indirectly by the Lord of the Iron Islands, killed by starvation and disease.
    Met smiled again. Those bastards. We lived through their taxes, their bans of personal freedoms. We let them starve and infect us. We stood by while they raped out women and killed our livestock. All it took was a child blind in starvation to make us realize that we had to stop letting them. And maybe, just maybe we’d live to be free. Hell knows it wasn’t likely, everyone realized that. But they realized that maybe that orphan was the lucky one. Maybe death was better than this rotting prison.
    The Rebellion had moved like wildfire throughout the islands. A man from Kerr, the largest city besides the capital of Axe’s Edge, by the name of Shindler, a potter no less, had rounded up a few thousand peasants over there. Stone, Met’s town, had followed suit, rounding up a few hundred men under Carbquedeus the grocer. Similar things had happened on all the other islands- Talon, Flesh, Flask, Deskuur, Amtarr, Hiatus and Abon. The largest uprising though, had taken place at Axe’s Edge, the capital city of the Iron Islands. There, sat the un-official leader of the rebellion, Vetelle, a former marine of the Iron Army. Now known as The Vigilance.
    The Vigilance had already set up a hierarchy system: he, of course was the leader or the Commedante. Under him were eight Commanders, one for each island, all but Met’s island of Toshiro having one city upon it. Under each Commander were three Council Members, and finally under them were just plain Rebels.
    Met was a Council Member under Shindler, his two comrades being Carbquedeus, the rebel leader of Stone and Roc, a rather large and soft-spoken man, who Meteorain had just been acquainted too. He knew Shindler was a good man though, he had known him since adolescence, their parents having both been merchants of iron ore. He was well grounded, and a good decision maker, one of the best. Him and Shindler or Shin, as he was called, had used to play-fight while their parents made business. Eventually though, they had gone their separate ways, Shin becoming a metal merchant like his father, Met becoming a miner, like most everyone else on the Iron Islands. They had remained friends though, seeing each other at least once a month, on some type of average. It felt good that Shin had trusted him enough to give him such a position, and he hoped he could live up to it.
    Everyone was eager to make the first attack on the Empire dogs, but Vigilance had refused. By his card, the Empire expected an attack, after what had happened in Stone. They should wait a good ‘nother week and then strike, the Empire having relaxed their muscles by then. They job know was to make weapons and armor. Blacksmiths were giving out free armor and weapons. Children were sharpening rocks into arrow and spear heads. Women were tanning leather into breastplates and greaves and sewing the emblem of the Rebellion into bed sheets. The emblem, as decided by Vigilance was a Black Fist dripping with blood, on a white field. Butchers were passing out cleavers and kitchen knives. Miners, like Met were shining and sharpening their pickaxes. The few farmers that there were passed out scythes, pitchforks and even shovels. Met’s wife, who happened to be a seamstress, had made him a nice suit of black leather armor, with the emblem of the Rebellion on its chest plate. In addition, he had been given a second-hand Stine helm off of one of the dead Empire soldiers. The white metal clashed with the leather, but he was thankful for the extra protection.
    Examining the Fisherman’s Quarter for the umpteenth time that week, he wasn’t sure if Vigilance had been telling the truth. For the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to destroy the Empire. Maybe that was the true meaning behind the Vigilance’s orders.
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2008
  8. Thairen

    Thairen Wayward Demon

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    Hmm not bad, I like it. I never figured a half-giant would be a really strong mage so that's definitely orginal, at least to me.
    I like your writing style too, and hell, your dialogue is way better than mine, I guess I'll have to work on that.
    Good job and post more.
     
  9. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    Thank you so much for reading!

    and yes, it is an odd thing, which is mostly why i put it in :D

    thanks again!
     
  10. Dragn9

    Dragn9 Sorcerer Supreme

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    Awesome work Kakashi, those mages are awesome...they've got distinct personalities especially Dak and that half giant joining the group was a nice touch. The story line has become all the more interesting now.

    And lol...Met? Interesting addition to the story :D
     
  11. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    hehe, thanks man :D

    and tbh, i've always liked the name. But don't tell HIM that >_>
     
  12. Dragn9

    Dragn9 Sorcerer Supreme

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    No prob...just keep it coming

    And no I wouldn't tell him that...we wouldn't want to have his ego getting any bigger, besides if he knew that he would probably want some credit for something or other...lol
     
  13. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    If this story ever wins an oscar :)D) i'll thank him.
     
  14. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    well damn. That put me in a mood to write like a madman.
     
  15. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    Always good to inspire people.