Short Story Contest Entry: JNK1

Discussion in 'Original Works' started by JNK, Oct 20, 2012.

  1. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    Well guys, writing s gonna suck. All I was able to do, was just go and write my idea as fast as possible, so I did not even do edits. I hope you will at least like my magic system.

    Was also cutting on some scenes, to make it on time...
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2012
  2. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    On the road


    Jerir stopped. He thought he had heard something. He listened carefully, however all he could hear was the chirping of crickets. Despite that, Jeri’s unease did not go away, so he took out the vial out of his pouch. The beer was warm, so he just gulped it without even trying to enjoy. In the heat like that, he always remembered master Baldkun’s words: “I know you prefer beer, but it would be more prudent to use whiskey, at least you will need to carry less…“ Well, that was the only lesson, Jerir did not follow and so far he seemed to be doing just fine.
    He felt ethanol starting to get his body ready for the magic and immediately flared heptanol. Suddenly all of his senses sharpened at least three fold, shocking him. The effects of all the other alcohols felt so natural, after the years of practice, however heptanol always tend to startle him. Jerir listened again, using his enhanced hearing and now it was clear: the host of horsemen was approaching several miles back the road. He flared butanol next and probed the minds of the approaching horsemen. Thirty three… should be no problem dealing with them, of course depending on how many half-bloods were with them. And most importantly whether bastard Zealbis was there. The sole reason Jerir was here… The reason, which kept him going}

    It was still too far for his ethanol to sense for half-bloods, so Jerir decided to have a better look at the surroundings. The road was quite broad and left a lot of space for movement, but most importantly there were a lot of pebbles! Those might come in handy in case of the fight. He also noticed thick bushes on the side of the road ahead, and decided that it is going to be the best place for the ambush.

    Couple minutes later Jerir started sensing the half-bloods. First, the sensation was blurry, but soon he could distinctly separate three of them. Only three! And obviously nothing even remotely as strong as Zealbis. Only true -bloods could use ethanol is this way, sensing the other alcomancers and being able to tell their strength. Zealbis was the only exception known to ever exist.

    “Ok I will hide in the bushes and see, whether the horsemen are indeed Zealbis’ seekers” – decided Jerir. He would let them pass, if they have nothing to do with is enemy, but if they are indeed the seekers, he needed to take at least one hostage and to scan his mind. About quarter hour later, Jerir was able to see cloud of dust and in several more minutes he was able to make out the outlines of the men and horses. Soon enough, he was able to see crimson capes. There was no doubt: these were Zealbis’ men.

    Looking carefully, Jerir counted until he was sure that more than half the horsemen had gone by. The he flared the propanol and concentrated on the pebbles roughly in the middle of the horsemen host. Suddenly with a whoosh, pebbles in around two meters each direction form his concentration point, shot upwards, piercing horses and occasionally riders. It seemed as if the portal to hell opened in the middle of the host: horses and men screamed and fell, the riders, which followed targeted horsemen, could not stop on time, so they went forward, trampling fallen comrades, and breaking legs of their own horses.

    Not stopping for a second, Jerir flared penthanol and hexanol at the same time and sprinted towards the enemy, using his enhanced speed, stamina and strength. He was aiming for the horsemen at the front of a column, the ones which were still unaffected by the chaos. As he became visible darting out of the bushes, three fire balls soared toward him from slightly different directions. Jerir smiled. That was perfect! All the half-bloods attacking at the same instance! He will not have to worry about them later. With one huge burst he flared methanol and pushed the fireballs back at their masters. They were no match for him! No one in the whole Barsenya was! Except, of course, for the Zealbis, who was uniquely strong halfblood. The balls exploded instantly killing not only the half-bloods, but several soldiers in the vicinity. Jerir drew his sword without slowing his run and crashed into the horsemen. Moving much faster than his enemies could react and do him any harm with their lances, he hacked at horses and men alike, hacking at human legs, horse bellies and anything what was reachable. He did not feel very comfortable, killing innocent horses, however being so vastly outnumbered Jerir did not have any choice. It was either them, or him.

    Jerir stopped only when he reached the other side of the road. He immediately turned to evaluate the situation. Only four horsemen were still saddled. He also counted eight enemies, which were either standing or standing up. That left twelve enemies still able to fight, the others dead or incapacitated. All of that in less than two minutes!

    Jerir quickly took another vial with the alcohol mixture out of his pocket. He saw out of the corner of his eye, that while he drank, the horsemen lowered their lances and charged. However it was too late! Jerir flared methanol and blasted three of them out of the saddles with fire. He missed the fourth, however, so he had to quickly flare hexanol in order to be able to dodge the lance. While horseman was turning, Jerir flared propanol, grabbed the helmet from one of the dead soldiers and send it flying into enemies face. With a dull thud the helmet smashed into soldiers face, knocking him out of the saddle.

    Jerir slowly turned to look at the footed soldiers, which seemed to be paralyzed by the scene of his encounter with the last mounted men. He was not in a hurry anymore; eight non-alcomancers had absolutely no chances against him, even though he had only one alcohol, useful for a fight – pentanol, which will triple his strength, stamina and healing. He picked up one of the heavy lances, which after flaring pentanol is going to weigh as much as a quarterstaff to a normal person, and slowly advanced toward the survivors…


    The last surviving seeker opened his eyes. He regained consciousness, so it was time for Jerir to take care of his interrogation. “You can just tell me what I want to know” said he, “and I won’t need to mess with your mind”. He could see that the seeker was quite terrified; however he could also feel with his butanol telepathic mind, that soldier was quite determined not to speak. He was obviously more terrified of Zealbis.

    “How can it be?” Muttered soldier. “The true -bloods are all long dead”. “Apparently, your source of information is corrupt” replied Jerir with a smile. The smile, however, did not reassure the seeker who was looking at his cold unsmiling eyes. “I need to know where Zealbis is and how many people he has with you. Just that” Jerri’s voice now reflected his eyes. “Will you then let me go?” asked soldier.

    “I am not going to lie to you. I cannot let you go. However I will kill you quickly, without the need to break your mind first.”
    “Then go to hell. Lord Zealbis will find you and burn you alive, like he did with all true -bloods and those half-bloods who did not agree to serve the king!”

    Jerir did not even deem seeker worth of his answer. He started digging into his mind as ice-cold dagger. “Where Zealbis”…” is Where is Zealbis”…”Where is Zealbis”… Unfortunate soldier could not fight long and after several minutes Jerir could read answers is his mind. “Zealbis left the main body, took eight men with him, and went ahead to the village. He sensed that there might be a half-blood hiding, and did not want to scare him off, bringing the whole host. By now he must be in the village already, taking care of that half-blood. The village is only one day ride from here.”

    “Does he have another alcomancers with him?”

    “Only two. Regular half-bloods, no different than those which were left with us.”

    That was all Jerir wanted to know, so with a swift movement, he broke soldier’s neck and stood up. The wounded soldiers and horses were taken care of, while his hostage was still unconscious, so all was left for Jerir was to pick up his backpack, which he left in the bushes and continue towards the village. When the backpack was safe on his shoulders, he flared hexanol and ran towards the village with a speed which could rival that of a horse.

    After running roughly three fourths of the distance, Jerir realized that it is getting really dark and his endurance, even enhanced with hexanol from time to time, is reaching its limits. It was time to break a camp.

    At the campfire, Jerir ate some cheese and bread, both of which were pretty dry and hard. It has been almost a week, since he last time resupplied. His larger skin was filled, unfortunately with water, and the smaller one had only as much beer, as is going to be necessary to fill his alcomancy vials. He took out beer skin and a wooden box, which was packed with other alcohols in small vials and his measuring glassware. The measuring and mixing work was so familiar to him by this time that he did not have to think about the procedure and could drift into his memories.

    “The exact amounts are extremely important” he could almost hear master Baldkun say in his lecturer’s voice. “If the ratio between ethanol and other alcohols is greater than two to one, you will be poisoned. That means, since you have 6 other alcohols, you will have to take twelve parts of pure ethanol and one part of each of the other alcohols. However, we will not be carrying pure ethanol everywhere with us. The other alcohols are expensive enough and there are less and less alchemists these days. Thus, you will have to know the exact amount of alcohols in regular alcoholic beverages.” Knowing that his beer contained 5% alcohol, Jerir had to pour 250 milliliters of beer into each vial. He thus had 12.5 milliliters of pure ethanol, and could safely add milliliter of each other alcohol. He, however, liked to be on the safe side, so his vials could be filled up to 300 milliliters of beer.

    “You have to keep in mind” used to say master Baldkun, “That half-bloods will be able to store six times more methanol, since they cannot use high alcohols. However, it should not bother you, as no half-blood will ever be as strong as you are. They will be able to use fire longer that you can, but you will easily outmatch the in a single flare. And one flare requires one milliliter of your specific alcohol and one milliliter of ethanol. The rest ethanol keeps you safe from other alcohols and enables the magic. In your case it will also help to sense other alcomancers and their strength.”

    “And remember, Zealbis is different. He is the strongest half-blood ever born. In his case, even single methanol flare will be stronger than yours. And he will be able to flare it six times instead of your one. So if you ever engage in a battle with him, forget about methanol. Use the advantages of other alcohols.” Remembering that, Jerir did not even bother to add methanol this time. Instead, he doubled the amount of propanol: he will need ranged attacks to counter Zealbis.

    Jerir finished preparing the last vial, packed everything so, that he can just grab his stuff in the morning and be ready to travel immediately, and laid himself down to sleep.


    The sleep did not come as easily as he thought, no matter how tired he was. All he could think was Zealbis. How close that bastard was after all these years. Ever since master Baldkun died, Jerir was chasing this creature throughout Barsenya. And now, finally, everything is going to be over. One way or another.

    He drifted to memories again. “Zealbis, being the strongest half-blood was very fast rising to power in king’s court. Yet he was always jealous of the power of true -bloods, so he convinced king’s cousin, who lacked any alcomatic powers to overthrow the king and exterminate true -bloods. So they both organized huge festivities for the king’s birthday and invited all most powerful people in Barsenya. Almost all true -bloods were there. The feast was a huge ambush, in which whole king’s family and all true -bloods were killed. Most of other nobles and half-bloods were forced to swear fealty to the new king and his high lord Zealbis or murdered as well. Your both parents, both quite powerful nobles and half-bloods and my good friends, were killed there too. Afterwards, it was quite easy to hunt down and eliminate the rest of true -bloods, of which but the handful were left. Thus, Zealbis became the most powerful alcomancer in all Barsenya. Or so he thought…”

    “I was the only true -blood to get away. Before the feast, I came to your parents, so that we may be able to go together. But I got sick, so I decided to stay behind with the servants of your parents and you! You were two years old, so absolutely unfit to travel to the feast less endure the feast itself. And that saved your life as well as my sickness saved mine. After I found out what happened, I took you and fled to the mountains, where no humans ever lived. Zealbis either did not find me, or did not even look for too long. Be as it may, but I’m an old man and no match for him anymore, if I ever was… I was never the strongest alcomancer, just well educated… But the fate likes jokes apparently! Neither Zealbis nor I knew at the moment, that I had with me the strongest alcomancer to be born in last three hundred years! You were just too young to sense any power in you. And here you are, strong as alcomancer from the times of legends. All you need is proper education, which i am more that capable to give…”

    Jerir sat down. “What do I want?” he asked himself. Until then, he had not bothered to ponder about that. He wanted to kill Zealbis: that, of course. He will succeed, he was sure about that. He was ready to take on Zealbis, when he though that the thirty three horsemen were with him. Now he knew that he had only eight men with him, and only two other alcomancers. But when he succeeds, what, then? He had grown up in the mountains, and he would always consider them home. But what was left there for him? Master Baldkun was dead, and there were no people there anymore. In addition, after all the things they had seen, he could not imagine that he would be satisfied to live in such remote place. He did not have friends, of course. But now when he will be free from his vengeance he can do whatever he wants: travel, make friends, maybe even get married.

    What about king, though? The king as much responsible for the death of his parents as well as all true -bloods. He will be weakened without Zealbis, but Jerir still could not defeat him on his own. He had at least three hundred half-bloods defending him and it was hard to say how many of them were really loyal. On the other hand, without Zealbis, Jerir will be the only one left, who can sense alcomancers. So he could build his own army! Future will show! Maybe he has chances to rid Barsenya from the usurper!

    Jerir looked up. It was already dawn. It was time to finish this…
     
  3. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    Alcomancy:


    CH3OH methanol pyrokinesis
    C2H5OH ethanol basic, helps to feel other alcomancers, but only works for truebloods and Zealbis
    C3H7OH propanol telekinesis
    C4H9OH butanol telepathy
    C5H11OH pentanol increased physical strength, stamina, healing
    C6H13OH hexanol increased speed, agility
    C7H15OH heptanol increased senses: hearing, vision, smell, etc.
     
  4. Druid of Lûhn

    Druid of Lûhn The Little Lamb.

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    Did you just take a load of organic chemistry molecules and tweak them a little? I don't remember learning about those last year. heh
     
  5. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    well they are real alcohols, but of course they don't have this effect in RL :D 20ml of methanol will make you blind, ethanol... well you know what it does... and the rest will kill you...
     
  6. Druid of Lûhn

    Druid of Lûhn The Little Lamb.

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    What about setting 500ml of ethanol on fire. heh Some girl put the burning pipette into it thinking it was water. Luckily my science teacher is experienced.

    Right, we didn't go as far as the alcohols, which we'll be learning about this year I believe.
     
  7. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    well you're gonna be ahead of your class, I suppose ;)

    and getting ethanol on fire: been there done that...
     
  8. S.J. Faerlind

    S.J. Faerlind Flashlight Shadowhunter

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    oooohhhhh... ethanol = highly flammable: VERY important to remember that! I will never forget!
     
  9. S.J. Faerlind

    S.J. Faerlind Flashlight Shadowhunter

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    kicking some life back into story threads :D
     
  10. Dreamscaper

    Dreamscaper Royal Hamster Wrangler

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    liked this story a lot, any intentions of writing more?
     
  11. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    wow! read your stuff so coming from you that means a lot to me!!!

    actually the idea was to do that one longer, where Zealbis is finally plastered all over the small town :) there was little time left, so I ended where it seemed appropriate...

    However, in general, that would have been only a prologue... Jerir finally realizing, that now, that Zealbis is dead, his life has no purpose... and then thinking that Zealbis was only a tool, and real culprit is actually the king... so the book would be mainly taking care of the king (or dying trying :p)... just I did not think it will ever interest anybody.... well here we go... we have one dude who'd care to know....
     
  12. Dreamscaper

    Dreamscaper Royal Hamster Wrangler

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    ^_^ Aw, thanks. Indeed I want to read the rest of the story!
     
  13. S.J. Faerlind

    S.J. Faerlind Flashlight Shadowhunter

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    Yay! Post writing in the Scribe's House!!!!! It ain't dead yet! :D
     
  14. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    I might even write something :) If I ever get a time... but that wll definitely be next year :)
     
  15. S.J. Faerlind

    S.J. Faerlind Flashlight Shadowhunter

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    ^^Not long to go now then :)
     
  16. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    well... what if it's next December :)
     
  17. S.J. Faerlind

    S.J. Faerlind Flashlight Shadowhunter

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    *kicks story thread back to revive it*
     
  18. kwlanford

    kwlanford Active Member

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    LOL nice story. I couldn't help but feel the mistborn similarities but it was entertaining and well worth the time to read. Thanks
     
  19. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    Thanks! it was inspired by mistborn, indeed, but I did my best to differ as well, like:

    1. halfbloods, unlike mistings have only fixed talents, they cannot randomly use any one talent
    2. talents clearly differ from what metals give to allomancers
    3. no alloys (which would be some kind of mixes in case of alcohols)

    However I agree... mistbon was an influence as well as other fantasy stuff... I mean damn boy loosing his parents, taught by a master and now master is dead and he's on his own... sound awfully like Luke and Obi-van, etc :) well it's really hard these days to come up with something new... I hope I will show something very different for the cheese contest (I hope to write a non-contestant story)...