Sex in Middle Earth

Discussion in 'Debates' started by havelockploz, Mar 30, 2004.

  1. pinkflyingwalruses

    pinkflyingwalruses Beatnik

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    No one thinks you're a she hlp....of course they don't. *shifty eyes* Wouldn't ents be asexual since they are considered plants? Well, in a round-about way there are.
     
  2. havelockploz

    havelockploz With a preliminary 'P'

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    GRRRRRRRR...... :balrog:
    I'll punch out those shifty eyes...
    Didn't Treebeard say "I am not a tree..."
    She said it. ;)
    BTW, just to press my point home, those hormones are TESTOSTERONE not estrogen.
     
  3. aini

    aini Elenya

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    Ents are still tree-like though - and trees are probably the nearest thing we've got to compare them too.

    Some types of tree (eg. apple trees) still need 2 of them to reproduce by cross-pollination to make fruit and, erm, baby trees! Maybe it's like that with the Ents and the Ent-wives?

    ***
     
  4. pinkflyingwalruses

    pinkflyingwalruses Beatnik

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    Don't they make testosterone pills now? hahahaha :D

    I guess he isn't a tree, but I don't know. I suppose he would be sexual, not asexul since they had the entwives.....Tough decision.
     
  5. Curufeanor

    Curufeanor Master Noldori Elvensmith

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    i wonder if hobbits, elves, or men, or (god forbid) even dwarves had wet t-shirt contests, or strippers, or anything of that sort, in middle earth.

    well i imagine a dwarf woman wouldn't need a wet t-shirt contest as a messy chug of beer would probably do the trick... :p

    wonder what the nazgul got their tricks off of..........
     
  6. havelockploz

    havelockploz With a preliminary 'P'

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    Ohhhhhh! :eek:
    That's just too far.
    Maybe the ents had splintery sex and then had to pollinate as well befor they had entings.
    Any thoughts about orcs anyone?
    Probably had strippers. I hope elves did, anyway.
    Dwarf women probably had silkiest-beard contests.
     
  7. aini

    aini Elenya

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    were there female orcs?

    ***
     
  8. havelockploz

    havelockploz With a preliminary 'P'

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    I presume so. Feel free to make up any random theory about orcs and then post it here.
     
  9. Turambar

    Turambar Harebrained Staff Member

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    Female Orcs? Well, we don't know about them, since they were hidden in the various deep caves of middle earth, watching the little orclings and knitting a not so tidy battle outfit for Mr. Orc. I mean, with those manners, did you think the Orcs weren't raised with propper education? No, those Orc-females are tough! (don't you "yes madam" at me, give me a decent growl!!!)

    Cooking isn't their strongest, the best they could come up with is "Human Suprise" (Suprise, it's still alive!). And, of course they were kinda dependent on what Mr. Orc brang in. Which leads us to the romantic relation of he-orc and she-orc. Much could be said about the tenderness surrounding the beautifull phenomenon. Which (orcish-) female doesn't like to be shout at, being hit every so often, kicked on a more regular basis, sharpening his axe, so that he can take whatever he likes most about you. And with his axe half-way down your skull, him commanding: "Let's.... multiply!" Ahhh.... what could be more irrisistable than a strong orc-warrior? (and there is only one way to find out what stuff he is made of, than experience it first-handed?) Romance is in the air!
     
  10. havelockploz

    havelockploz With a preliminary 'P'

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    heheh. Very good! I tried, without success to shut down my imagination at various points throughout that. :eek:

    I had quite thought that orcs may be hermaphriditical, but, like worms (what a wonderful analogy) had to have their eggs fertilised by another orc (or worm if you are still going with that analogy) This sets the scene for some orc-orgies where, at the end, the eggs line the walls of a cavern, like frogspawn.

    Speaking of frags (yes we were) Frogs dont have sex. The female lays her eggs and the male ferilises them when they're out of her body. That couldn't be too good. :(
     
  11. dwarf tosser

    dwarf tosser "What the Deuce?"

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    thiis maay be off the bat, but i idoubt that people were cercumsized.

    -dt
     
  12. havelockploz

    havelockploz With a preliminary 'P'

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    Okay.
    Never said they were, but thanks for your valuable contribution. :rolleyes:
     
  13. dwarf tosser

    dwarf tosser "What the Deuce?"

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    I saw the thread. Thohught of somthing. Posted. And left.

    -dt
     
  14. havelockploz

    havelockploz With a preliminary 'P'

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    Good attitude. Very ggod way to rack up posts. May try it sometime. :D
     
  15. Gondolin ranger

    Gondolin ranger Guest

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    i would not want to get into a fight with a female orc they would be worst than male orcs
     
  16. The Man from Niefldarth

    The Man from Niefldarth your worst nightmare!

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    For the orc case, I know that the Uruk-Hai are born in the earth, as seen in the two towers and fellowship of the ring, in isengard, when two orcs dug out an uruk envelopped in a strange membrane. Maybe orcs to, juste grow in the earth?
     
  17. Elan Morin Tedronai

    Elan Morin Tedronai The Forsaken

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    No, that is just a moive invention. Orcs are bred the same way humans are.
     
  18. asap

    asap New Member

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    Or, the way elves are, seeing how they are the descendants of the elves Morgoth perverted and all ;)
     
  19. Elan Morin Tedronai

    Elan Morin Tedronai The Forsaken

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    I was re-reading The Silmarillion last night, and came across this quote, which should clear up the debate about Orc breeding.

     
  20. isengard111

    isengard111 The Master Chief

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    My favorite thread... :rolleyes:
    Anyway, I have my own theories:

    For elves and maybe Ents, I assume that ulike humans, they do not have sex just for the hell of it. I beleive that the Elves (and Ents) are above such pleasantries, unlike us. That's why humans invented contraceptives. ;)

    Since Elves do not have sex for fun, their numbers are controlled, hence they don't grow or diminish. A child is born only when the parents want one. Also, like was previously stated, their numbers don't change. If one dies, another is born, just not at the same time. The elves are probably still trying to get their numbers back up after the First Age wars. Elves' marriages could probably survive on...gasp...love alone, and not physical "pleasures".

    For Humans, just like today. Because they're human, they'll have sex for fun, hence the population of Men compared to other races.

    Ents I assume pollinate more or less like flowers, not like in The Evil Picture posted a while back. Ents have pollen, they pollinate the Entwives, the Entwives grow seeds, and the seeds are planted. 9... years later, a baby grows. That's my theory at least.

    According to the Appendix in LotR, only 1/3 of the Dwarves are female. A lot of dwarves, regardless of gender, will fall in love with another dwarf, and will have no other. Therefore, the dwarf population will always be limited because of their stubborness. Or devotion, depending on your point of view.

    Orcs, as Elan just posted,"multiplied after (Elves and Men)", only a lot faster. And like Dwarves, the women probably look a lot like the men. They most likely have no love for one another, and always give into temptation and Lust, like most humans do. To the Church, this is a bad thing, ergo it is fit for orcs.

    As for cross breeding, it may have occured, but most likely between men and hobbits only, cause all other races would probably never love each other. Maybe there are a few half hobbits in Bree, maybe not. I assume the dwarfs and orcs will ALWAYS be pure, cause, ... well, c'mon. Seriously. Even though we would all love to see a Dwelf-hobbman-hai. ;) Think about it.
    As for humans and elves, they are probably sexually compatibly will each other. If an elf decides to love a man, like Arwen or Luthien, then they lose their immortal spirit, or "grace", or "essence" or whatever you want to call it. I assume there is no physical change. Arwen will always have pointy ears, which may or may not be a bad thing, depending on your preference. ;)

    You can't cross breed with an ent. Don't even try.

    I'd like to thank you people for putting these thoughts into my head. Before, I never thought of sex in Middle Earth. But after reading this, I got to thinking, and when that happens, bad things follow. So thank you all. Reading these books will never be the same.(angry mumbling under breath)
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2005
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