:humper: Erm, Yeah. That's basically what this thread's about, really. The search for the answer to the eternal question: What do Middle Earth's inhabitants do when the sun has gone through the Doors of Night and the urge to procreate is upon them? Obviously something, as their little kiddies are living proof, but WHAT? I think we can assume that men (humans) and hobbits (probably a subspecies of men) have similar sex lives to humans nowadays, although they beg one question: Where are their gays, lesbians, homosexuals? Is there some pseudo-Sodom and Gomorrah and a Middle Earth Lesbos somewhere in the far East or South, where the inhabitants do their unholy thing inspired by Melkor (or, alternatively, they just go about their business, zhuzh-ing the shirts of passers-by, doing what they do, and that's fine because whatever turns you on is good and being gay is a perfectly natural thing ) I'm not gay, BTW. Dwarves are a surprisingly easy species to study the sex life of, because of the amount of material on the subject, the most well known of which is Gimli's comment on the way to Helm's Deep in LoTR TT. "Dwarf women are, in fact, so alike in voice and appearance (to the men) that they are often mistaken for Dwarf men. This has given rise to the belief that there are no Dwarf women, and that Dwarves simply spring out of holes in the ground! Which is of course ridiculous..." This, basically, implies that Dwarves are born in the normal way (I assume you don't need a description) and that Dwarf women exist, but are very alike to the men, apart from the most important way. There are some other quotes on this subject that are relevant. They are not written by TOlkien, but obviously inspired by him. (Prize of a can of spam for anyone who can tell me where these are from ) Quote 1: "The pronoun (he) is used by dwarves to indicate both sexes. All dwarves have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional." This one basically enforces Gimli's quote, although what Aragorn says in the movie about beards may contradict this. I didn't really get what he was saying, there. Quote 2: "'And you never see their women,' said Lady Sara Omnius. 'I find that very...suspicious. You know what they say about dwarves,' she added darkly. Vimes sighed. He was just about aware that you saw their women all the time, although they looked just like male dwarves. Surely EVERYONE knew that, who knew anything about dwarves?" Ditto. Quote 3: "Dwarvish courtship basically consisted of tactfully trying to find out what gender the other dwarf was." Priceless. Dwarvish courtship in a nutshell. Please feel free to disagree if you wish. Now we come to the hard races of Middle Earth. First come the elves, deceptively difficult. I know that calling out "Metrosexual!" Whenever Legolas enters the room made it into the top 50 inappropriate things to do in LoTR ROTK (Thanks to Witchking for that one ) but what is the real answer? It seems simple until you consider that elves are immortal, and even the most miniscule birthrate (1 birth per mother per decade) would make a huge impact overall, and the population would skyrocket, because of the almost non-existant deathrate. What is going on there? Either only a small amount of Elves are capable of producile little elves/heterosexual or there has been some sort of mystical gift of contraceptives to the elves at the moment of their awakening at Cuivenien. What is it? Even harder are the Ents. Think about it. When the Entwives were around, how did they make Entings. Considering they are a sort of cross between a human and a tree, are we talking about some serious pollenation here, or what? Eeek! Orcs. Apparently they are immortal and 'bred like rats' in the abandoned Moria. Need I say anything more? :halo: And now we come to the totally unthinkable. Does Gandalf swing the way of actor Ian McKellen? Is it Gandalf the Gay? Of course, he is a Maia, a kind of angel. This leads on to the topic 'Is there sex in heaven?' which could be discussed somewhere else. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Disclaimer: I realise that Tolkien probably never meant his work to be analysed in this way. I do not mean any offence to Tolkien or his masterpiece in this post. Remember, if you find this to vulgar, no-one is forcing you to read it!