Ragnarok

Discussion in 'Original Works' started by Darkloch, Mar 19, 2009.

  1. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    Enjoy BT, you're the only one that reads this crap anyway so you get to read a real old one, back from my "dark period" aged 16.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    You’ve taken my home,
    You’ve concealed my history,
    My holy relics you’ve burned.
    My altar crushed and paved over.

    All that I am,
    All that I came from.
    That which was important to me
    Lies in ruins, or so you believe…

    But no matter how you have torched,
    Slaughtered,
    Crushed,
    My people, my home, my tools,
    You have not succeeded.

    Although my heritage by you is erased
    You can never take from me
    What I am and always have been.

    That which have created me and my roots,
    Because that is ME.


    The flames of your fire- That’s me!
    The ruins from that which was- That’s me!
    The burnt and buried relics- That’s me!
    That which was secluded by you- That’s me!

    All this, my roots
    All this is still there.
    The flames have not taken it all,
    The ruins still speak.
    Just as the life and strength therein.

    Your shields are weakening…

    Fear me now, you who wrought this upon me!
    Who sought to destroy my roots!
    You said “we succeeded”-when the flames rose.
    But you left before the fire died and the ruins still stood fast.

    Now behold me and tremble!

    Out of the ashes I rise.
    Enclosed in armor
    A sword in my hand
    With all that you thought you destroyed- all of it now stronger in me!

    My eyes burn- burn with power,
    Glowing black, burning flames,
    That will not be stopped by your water
    Or suffocated by your screams.
    No, they shine stronger with every wail.

    See through my deep eyes.
    You fear me!
    Because through you sealed my traces away, you knew I would return.
    You can stop praying- I am here!

    My relics shall be created once more!
    My foundation rebuilt strong!
    All that gave my ancestors strength,
    Shall be given to me a thousand times!

    All that you did to me,
    I shall repay.
    A hundred times over,
    Out of your ashes, you shall NEVER rise!

    Know me- I exist!
    I live!
    I burn!
    I am revenge!

    You have given me strength trough your deeds!

    BEHOLD!

    My eyes give you this:
    Revenge, destruction and once again I shall rule!

    FEAR!

    Fear, yes fear now your painful fall,
    Cause I raise my spear
    And deep in the stone I write
    My future without you!

    Soon it will be mine again!
    Soon that which slaughtered, stole, burned and raped will be no more!

    HERE! This is the fruit of your labor!

    THIS! This is me!
    And Ragnarok, RAGNAROK is my name!
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2009
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Well-Known Member

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    This is actually pretty awesome.
    Like a lyric.
     
  3. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    Don't sound so chocked:p
     
  4. Sevi

    Sevi Pocałunek!

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    Hey I read it as well! Its awsome! Epic!
     
  5. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    Thank you Sevsev.
     
  6. Sevi

    Sevi Pocałunek!

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    No problem :)
     
  7. Anaranë

    Anaranë New Member

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    aces! nice one hun :)
     
  8. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    Thanks An, if you're interested there is tons of my old works floating around TFF, of varying quality be warned.
     
  9. EstuansInterius

    EstuansInterius Ira vehementi

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    Pretty cool.
     
  10. Rob Darken

    Rob Darken New Member

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    I am very impressed with this work.

    Beware the true gods of our people, the past is alive and will soon consume the recent lies people have been forcefed.
     
  11. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    Thank you Rob. The most amazing thing is that something I did seven years ago is getting all the adulation...maybe I was a better writer back then:)
     
  12. ZionsRodeVos

    ZionsRodeVos New Member

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    I am new here and hope I am not doing anything wrong. My understanding is that anything in this forum is here to be critiqued so that the author can improve it. If I have misunderstood then just tell me and I will stop critiquing work here.

    Does the word Ragnarok have a meaning? I looked it up in Wikipedia and it said that Ragnarok is a series of major events. Is that what the title is meant to refer to or is it just a title and nothing else?

    I liked reading this. The entire work seems to flow and has a number of themes that recur. Did you write an entire story for this or just this by itself?

    I did find a few things that may be typo's unless I have simply misunderstood the meaning of what you wrote.

    In this section:


    My eyes burn- burns with power,
    Glowing black, burning flames,
    That will not be stopped by your water
    Or suffocated by your screams.
    No, they shine stronger with every wail.

    It would sound better to me if the word in red was singular - burn. I'm not an expert in grammar; in fact far from it and so this may just be a personal preference on my part.

    The next ones I am more sure of unless I have misunderstood the meaning. Twice you have used the word trough when it seems you mean through.

    here:

    See trough my deep eyes.
    You fear me!
    Because though you sealed my traces away, you knew I would return.
    You can stop praying- I am here!

    And here:

    You have given me strength trough your deeds!

    This is something a spell checker won't catch since trough is a word. They should both be replaced with through which makes the sentences sound right.

    To me this speaks of a person with strength as it describes major events. It also seems to be building up towards a few more major events which is very intriguing and should work nicely contained within a story if you have not already written one for it.
     
  13. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    You are correct, and I am very happy that you chose to point out these things.

    To answer your first question, here Ragnarok is just another name for "The end of the world" in the sense "The world YOU created when hurting me is going to end".

    The words are, just as you thought, typos. You will be glad to see that these have been corrected.
    No this is just a poem and in no way a starting point for a story.
    If you would like to cretique any of my other works here on TFF I would greatly appriciate and enjoy it.
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2009
  14. ZionsRodeVos

    ZionsRodeVos New Member

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    Thanks for clarifying what Ragnarok meant. It seemed to me it had a meaning.

    I am hoping to find time to read and critique other works here as well, but alas I don't always have time and am not always in the mood.
     
  15. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    It's ok, every little bit helps you know.
     
  16. Black Tattoo

    Black Tattoo The Corruptor

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    Crap?! I beg to differ! I REALLY liked this! The visualization is fantastic! I do hope you'll post more, I love the style of your writing :D