R - Rated ! ! !

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Turin, Aug 9, 2003.

  1. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




    Two... it takes two people to screw anywhere hahahaha
     
  2. jake1964

    jake1964 Old enough to be your dad

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    cute, liv.
     
  3. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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  4. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    Its better is you say "how many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb"

    "Two, but they have to be very very small"
     
  5. jake1964

    jake1964 Old enough to be your dad

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    lol, even better, Crusader
     
  6. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    i dont think that was better, it takes the fun out of it!


    here are some things that arent really jokes or rated R but their kind of funny when the guy you like says them to you lol:

    If you were homework, id be doing you right now.

    If you were a good book, id be snuggling up with you right now.

    lol :p;)
     
  7. darkdragon

    darkdragon The Black Prince

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    A friend of mine sent this to me...

    A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

    All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

    The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"
    the panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"
    "Why yes," the barman answered. "Your a panda."
    "Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

    The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary.

    After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

    PANDA:1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.

    Hope you like it... :banana:
     
  8. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    Youve read that book have you, dont you remeber why the panda does it? from that one comma, which you havent put in! :rolleyes:
     
  9. darkdragon

    darkdragon The Black Prince

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    Do tell..Look forward to hearing it...It was sent to me by a friend... :banana:
     
  10. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    Its just the line "Eats shoots and leaves" thats the dictionary definition, but what spurred the panda to shoo the guy was a typo, just one comma that made it say "Eats, shoots and leaves"

    Theres a whole book by that title about grammatical errors or something, meant to be good.
     
  11. darkdragon

    darkdragon The Black Prince

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    Thanks Crusader.. I was un-aware of that..I might see if I can find the book you are talking about....
     
  12. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    Its called "Eats, shoots and leaves" :D

    and its got a panda on the front, at the top of the ladder, crossing out the comma.

    you'll find it much easier now!
     
  13. darkdragon

    darkdragon The Black Prince

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    Thanks...I will see if I can find it around here....
     
  14. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    Glad i could help, oh and the book is cream/beige!
     
  15. Elvenblademaster

    Elvenblademaster New Member

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    Another on the lightbulb kinda thing is....


    how many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Two but I'm dammned if I can figure out how they got in there...
     
  16. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    How many intelligent blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    both of them.
     
  17. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    The ultimate response to a Dear John letter... You gotta love a man like this!!!!!!!!!!!!! Humor in the face of defeat.


    A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.
    AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.


    So the Marine did what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.

    He then mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his girlfriend with the following note:

    "I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."
     
  18. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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  19. Winterine

    Winterine Ranger-Bard

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    *c* Just when I thought this place was getting quiet... :D
     
  20. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    I've been slacking, but have no fear that we can come up with a good one once and a while. ;)