R rated/dark jokes. Post em here.

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Normf, May 19, 2009.

  1. Normf

    Normf Death 'n' Roll

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    I'ma go easy, cause i don't know what the tolerance for jokes is like here.




    What's the difference between a picture of jesus and jesus himself?

    It only takes one nail to hang the picture.




    Why did the dead baby cross the road?

    Because it was stapled to the chicken.




    What do you get when you cross a Pirate with a Pedophile?

    RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Kelly.




    Whats the difference between heath ledger and a heath ledger joke?

    The heath ledger joke will eventually get old.




    Whats better than winning the Paralympics?

    Walking.





    I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.

    Not screaming in terror like his passengers.






    A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar.

    “I had sex with another woman last night,” he tells her. “But I was thinking of you the whole time.”

    “You miss me that much?” she asks.

    “No,” he says. “But it kept me from coming too fast.”
     
  2. Delarmgo

    Delarmgo Dark Heart Of The Verse

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    FFS i just loled my arse off!
     
  3. Kally

    Kally Driving my own destiny.

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    LMFAO The first one made me P!ss myself! :D
     
  4. Normf

    Normf Death 'n' Roll

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    :saurumon:
     
  5. Raff the Sweetling

    Raff the Sweetling Threadkiller

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    A man and a woman start to have sex in a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
     
  6. Kally

    Kally Driving my own destiny.

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    ROFL! Oh, raffie...
     
  7. Normf

    Normf Death 'n' Roll

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    Tee Hee!
     
  8. Normf

    Normf Death 'n' Roll

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    Ok geting slightly more dirty.

    Guy lying in hospital bed..........
    " Hows about a kiss nurse"
    " No" says the nurse,
    "Go on just one kiss",
    " No" says the nurse,
    " Please, just one"
    " No" says the nurse " I should't even be giving you a wank"




    What's black and sits at the top of the stairs smoking?

    Stephen Hawking in a house fire.
     
  9. Raff the Sweetling

    Raff the Sweetling Threadkiller

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    Greatest Joke Ever!



    Jesus walks into a hotel, tosses three nails on the front desk and says, "Hey, can you put me up for the night?"
     
  10. Killbot608

    Killbot608 prototype killing machine

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    If you're easily offended, GTFO

    Americans.......lol.

    A vampire bat arrives back at the roost with his face full of blood. All the other bats get excited and ask where he got it from. "Follow me," he says.

    Off they fly over hills, over the river and into the dark forest. "See that big tree over there" he says.

    "Yes" they all reply

    "Well i ****ing didn't!"



    A man pulls his wife into the bedroom and rips of her clothes,
    " Now darling do a handstand against the full length mirror on the wall".
    "Hmmm", she thinks "Kinky......I like it".
    She does the handstand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and put his
    chin on her privates.
    "The boys down the pub were right" he says " a goatie would suit me"...


    I had a German plumber round the other day to fix my shower.

    He accidentally connected the gas supply to the water supply.

    I guess old habits die hard.
     
  11. Normf

    Normf Death 'n' Roll

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    Hahahaha.
     
  12. Killbot608

    Killbot608 prototype killing machine

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    So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I once turned a whole student loan into vodka.

    Your move, Jesus.
     
  13. Normf

    Normf Death 'n' Roll

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    A man is in bed with his Thai girlfriend.

    After having great sex, she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.

    Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her, "Why do you love doing that?"

    She replies: "Because I really miss mine".
     
  14. Jorick

    Jorick Well-Known Member

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    Here's a couple that are dark AND groaners:


    Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead!


    What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Genocide.
     
  15. Raff the Sweetling

    Raff the Sweetling Threadkiller

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    Truer words have never been spoken! Let this be a lesson to any one going to Thailand!
     
  16. mDerangedLemonw

    mDerangedLemonw Ultraman Nexus

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    What does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

    So she can moan with the other!
     
  17. Normf

    Normf Death 'n' Roll

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    Whats worse than a dead baby in a trash can?

    Ten dead babies in a trash can

    Whats worse than that?

    A live one at the bottom

    Whats worse than that?

    He ate his way out

    Whats worse than that?

    He came back for seconds
     
  18. Jorick

    Jorick Well-Known Member

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    Oh, well, if we're going for the dead baby jokes...



    What's worse than ten dead babies in one trash can?

    One dead baby in ten trash cans.


    What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Mercedes?

    I don't have a Mercedes in my garage.


    How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall with their blood?

    Depends on how hard you throw them.


    What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender and turn it on high?

    I don't know, I was too busy masturbating to pay attention.
     
  19. JIM

    JIM zombie Turncoat

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    there's already a dead baby thread guys. to the best of my knowledge
     
  20. Normf

    Normf Death 'n' Roll

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    Well i wasen't intending on creating a knew one. Just alot of dark jokes seem to be about dead babies.