Discussion in 'Fan Poetry' started by RayCaptain, May 25, 2012.

  1. RayCaptain

    RayCaptain Purveyor of High Culture, Aristocrat of the Soul

    Nov 2, 2006
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    In the World, Not of the World
    +421 / 3 / -10
    Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your undivided attention,
    So I'm going to go ahead and ease up some of this tension,
    Please, no sudden movements and watch your hands and feet,
    Because it's time for breakfast and I'm survive you concrete...

    Roll your eyes because I'm the Energizer Bunny,
    Just keep going and going and you don't think it's funny,
    But my mind has been kept on a leash for so long,
    That it's sick and twisted, sanity is long gone...

    So yeah, strap in, buckle up for the ride of your life,
    Because life is a helluva ride filled with grief and strife,
    And you're just another speed bump in the road,
    Now watch as I turn on the special beast mode...

    You laugh until your ass gets anthrax wrapped in cellophane,
    That powdery white poison gets in and fries your brain,
    People learn over time that I drive a hard bargain,
    And cut right through the bullshit and political jargon...

    Sorry to piss on your little whack-ass parade,
    But it's too funny, playing you like an arcade,
    Ain't going to leave you with one life and no mushroom,
    Nah, I'ma latch onto your ankle and drag you to the tomb...

    That damned monkey that'll be forever on your back,
    It's as simple as just add water like it's easy mac,
    Shoes fit for a statue out of cement,
    Drop it into the river, let it lament...

    Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking,
    If you look to your left and see all the havoc I'm wreaking,
    Maybe you'll see why I am not someone to be poked and prodded,
    My actions of tearing down these walls is requiring of applause...

    So come along and square dance with your closest pal,
    Cut a rug before I stab you in your damned ear canal,
    Cowboy up and tie lasso round that scrawny neck,
    Wrap it round a post and throw it from a two-story deck...

    Watch the little bastard tumbles down and his neck breaks,
    Just lay down and take it like a girl for goodness' sakes,
    And even though you're taller, I'm looking down on you,
    And I got this face paint on because I like to clown on you...

    To be honest, kind of impressed with myself,
    Have I been keeping these rhymes on the shelf?
    The strange white boy actually came with new material?
    This is the best way to start off your morning, like cereal...

    I'll get you fed right, keep that ass clenched tight,
    Uh oh, lil' Ray-Ray came looking for his fight,
    Remember that triceratops from "Don't Even Know..."?
    Well he's fed up on bitches like you and ready to go...

    Yeah, round two on the back of a dinosaur,
    This time I'm packing enough heat to start a war,
    Even got my bestest buddy here, Dolan Duck,
    And he's, "rey plz, wud da fuq?"

    Maybe I should put down the AK and machete,
    Maybe not cut your ass into fine ribbons on confetti,
    And, instead of standing triumphant with a blade glistening,
    Get you a therapist who is just the greatest at listening...

    Ladies and gentlemen, this plane can land safely with only one casualty,
    And his ass got beat down and thrown out over an ocean so casually,
    After trashing his ass with rockets and molotovs,
    But remember, I wasn't the one that set it off...

    "This is mission control, good Captain Ray,
    You are cleared for landing but we think you should stay,
    Because there are plenty of more delirious punks who need a pranking,
    And plenty of screw-jobs and attention whores that need a proper spanking..."