PG-13: 20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Arwen, Aug 19, 2003.

  1. Arwen

    Arwen Well-Known Member

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    Got this email today...thought I'd share:

    20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

    1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

    2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

    3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

    4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."

    5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

    6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors"

    7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

    8. Don't use any punctuation

    9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

    10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

    11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To go."

    12. Sing along at the opera.

    13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

    14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

    15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

    16. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

    17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!, I won!"

    18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

    19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

    And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......

    20. Send this to someone to make them smile..Its called therapy...
     
  2. Tilandrea

    Tilandrea the scientist

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    "3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that."

    bwahahha...my lil sister just got a job at mcdonalds...so i'm constantly asking her if she wants fries. and i tell her to put on a 'mcsmile' when she's in a bad mood. i'm a meanie :D

    "9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk."

    i should do this. i'd get my cardio in for the day and i'd get to class faster..bonus!
     
  3. Arwen

    Arwen Well-Known Member

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    ROFL "Now sis where's that mcsmile??" I love it...but I'd kill you if you were my sister LOL.
     
  4. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    hehe. Now I have some ideas of things to do at work tomorrow. :D
     
  5. Arwen

    Arwen Well-Known Member

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    ROFL- you do that, Nik :D
     
  6. Tinuviel

    Tinuviel New Member

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    6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For sexual favors"

    Funny little diddy about that one. My MIL breeds dogs and also offers her champions for stud service. Well, after a bitch came to mate with my MIL's sire, the owner wrote my MIL a check for the amount owed. In the memo section, you guessed it, she put 'stud service'. Imagine the look the bank tellers gave my FIL when he took it in for cashing. :eek: :D :p
     
  7. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    ROFL, that is crazy.
     
  8. Justice

    Justice New Member

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    Read this same email over at Swordforum a while ago. I decided to do one of my own.


    1. For an entire day you belch at the same time you speak.

    2. You show up in costume to your offices cosume party three weeks after it ended.

    3. You let it slip that you decapitated a man once with just your bare hands.

    4. Your house bar consists only of soda water, rock salt, and a large jug of chlorine.

    5. Whereas some people write just a signiture in wet cement, you leave an entire body print.

    6. What some people call spoiled frog meat, you define as Grade A beef.

    7. Skay delano gurigsquish nee dum bala uger!!!

    8. While helping a friend redecorate his house, you see a flattened cereal box and identify it as "solid cherrywood".

    9. You put coins in the parking meter and watch it until the time runs out.

    10. Your butt is tan and the rest of your body is pale.

    11. You see a vintage vinyl record at an antique store and say "Their ancient frisbee technology is YEARS ahead of ours!"

    12. At a football game you stand up and run in place every time the quaterback yells "Hike!"

    13. If you get handed a book or a newspaper upside down you spend hours trying to decrypt some strange foreign language.

    14. When someone is talking to you, you look over their shoulder and wave to someone, even if there is no one there.

    15. You sink $100,000 into your Galapogos giant tortoise race track.

    16. You answer every question by asking another question.

    17. You sing every song you know to the tune of "Gilligans Island".

    18. You declare yourself King of Botswana and tell police officers you have diplomatic immunity.

    19. You propose to your girlfriend/boyfriend at a McDonalds, stating it was the most romantic place you can think of.

    20. Your name is specifically mentioned on retail boxes of sharp instruments in the area of "Do not sell to..."
     
  9. Tilandrea

    Tilandrea the scientist

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    19. You propose to your girlfriend/boyfriend at a McDonalds, stating it was the most romantic place you can think of.

    i remember this one couple that went to mickey d's back in high school for a date before a dance. i heard that he went all out and put a table cloth on the table there and lit some candles and had formal place settings...hehe
     
  10. Arin

    Arin I bite back....

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    Do you want fries with that? hehe..Im gonna use that. I used to say "sorry. I can only use my powers for good" Whenever anyone asked me to do something. I might get lynched though...