Online Relationships

Discussion in 'Every Day Debating' started by imagine99, Jul 15, 2005.

  1. Adina

    Adina <img src=http://www.thefantasyforum.com/images/nub

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    Ok, back on topic.

    Only online relationships, imo, are not going to work out. As far as I'm concerned, nobody can be happy with only that. If they are just happy with that, then they most likely aren't in love.

    I've stated before a few times that I think they 'can' be a basis for a beginning, but are less likely to eventuate into something 'more'. Those that manage to do so are lucky and should be extremely grateful.
     
  2. Celestial Wanderer

    Celestial Wanderer searching for peace...

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    What, exactly, does your "they" refer to ? Initial online relationships that results in the people involed meeting up in real life, or purely online relationships where the couple has and will never meet each other?

    Also, what do you define " work" to be? Do you say that a relationship "works" when the ice is broken between a guy and a girl online and they start liking each other? Or do you refer to the possibility of a long term purely online romantic relationship based on mutual understanding?

    I agree with Adina on the fact that purely online relationships never work. For me, a relationship that works results in marriage and the blissful union of a couple, whom only Death can tear apart. Is this feasible in a purely online relationship? How can you understand a person well if you have only received the good about her/him through only e-mails and chat? One might say that having a relationship in person might not necessarily ensure a lasting relationship, but it does, at least, allows one to make important desicions concerning the relationships. Not only you get to observe how the behaviour of you beloved is like when s/he is with you, but also around other people.


    For those having online relationships, please don't tell me that you will never want to meet your girlfriend/boyfriend in person! For people wanting to develop a relationship, I 'm sure you would want to know more about the person you love online - about who she/he really is!
     
  3. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Now this is more my style, insults aren't being thrown everywhere now :)

    I would say anyone who would want to keep their relationship to online only is crazy and probably not in love. If they were in love surely they'd want to meet their other half right? However, not everyone in an online relationship can meet within a couple of weeks or a couple of months. Some people have to (and I do mean have to) wait for 7/8/9/10/11/12 months. Does that mean that they aren't in love? No

    You can look at an online relationship as a relationship with the computer screen BUT what if they talk over the internet as in have a microphone so they are actually talking to the person rather than just typing? Actually talking to one another through microphone or phone means that there is more of a relationship because you're replacing typed words with said words.

    Whilst I agree that talking over the internet and being in person is very different some people cannot have that. So what's best: Dumping them because there's no point OR carrying on and trying to make it work until you can meet?

    There's so many different situations which online relationships can bring, some good and some bad. But to call all of them bad or all of them good for that matter is just narrow minded.
     
  4. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    Well that was the result of my online relationship, first we just typed words to each other...then we start calling eachother, but from another country that's pretty expensive, so we talked over msn a few months after we met each other by micro phones and using webcams. In my opinion that's still an online relationship. She had to work very hard also to get here. The working was hard and the waiting was hard but yeah we both wanted the same thing.

    We wanted to meet each other. It's just strange in my opinion that people who start an online relationship would want to keep it that way. To keep their relationship purely over a computer seems so cold to me at least. I think there is no such way of being in love and not wanting more. I'm sure Elynnya is happy the way it is now, that she can talk with Firesnake and such, but you're not going to tell me that she doesn't want more, that she isn't curious how he is in real life and vice versa.
     
  5. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Yeah, I still see that as an online relationship because it's still not in person but it's more than just an online relationship. You're talking to one another rather than just typing so it's much more personal.

    Yeah, I completely understand. I find it strange that people would want to keep it as an online relationship and to never meet.

    She wants more, he wants more. They both want to meet up but they haven't been able to - and that's the point. They've either got to be happy with what they've got or just give up and let it go. Neither of them are going to give it up so they've got to wait until they can meet. Neither of them are exactly happy about it but because they love one another then they are willing to wait until they can actually meet.
     
  6. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    Well if what you say is true, than they also want the same as me and Tori wanted. We also had to wait long because we just couldn't meet. The reason our online relationship wasn't so succesful maybe as theirs is because we are both very impatient. If they can wait and are happy with how the online relationship is now then that's good....but in the end they want the same as us...they want to meet each other and want more than just an online relationship.
     
  7. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Yeah, definitely. I'm confused... did you think they wanted to keep their online relationship as an online relationship?

    They've been waiting 7 months I think it is, I think it will be 9 months before they get to see one another. Basically he's had to save a lot of money, and I do mean a lot - it's somewhere around 2000 for a ticket.
     
  8. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    yeah that's how she described it to most of us...She had an online relationship, and seemed not to have a problem to keep it online.

    She said she was happy with the online relationship. And than yeah as she was thinking I attacked her that she couldn't be in love if she wanted to keep it online. But now I know that she does want to meet him, than I'm convinced she is in love.
     
  9. Turambar

    Turambar Harebrained Staff Member

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    Well, Anakin... I think the pure online love, ie without the desire to break down the boundries of internet is quite interesting...

    However, you do have to accept that you love a character rather then a person. Yes, the person and the character might be the same or share trades. But there's also no knowing what the person behind the keyboard is like when you meet him at the airport... unable to hide behind the internet. And I know that you shouldn't book a flight in the first week you know each other. But I think that the intention and the desire to find the person behind the character are the best way to get to know each other better... But commitmentto the character rather then the person is intriguing indeed...

    However, I think loving a character in stead of a person is quite normal at that age. The Dutch term would be "Bakvis" rather then "kalverliefde" ;) But as to "kalverliefde", although it is quite naive it's also the most pure and blissfull type of love. For the first time in their lives, teenagers are able to feel the power of love. It's the inexperience and the unconditional commitment that lead to both total bliss... and total apocalypse when it's over due to the vunerability attached to it.

    Elynnya - how does it work, are you just keeping the relation online for the sake of it being online or because a lack of opportunities and resources to change matters?
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2005
  10. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Ah I see. So there's been a hell of a lot of confusion lol

    She is happy with the relationship, she's happy with it being online but they both do and are going to meet. I'm not sure what will happen after their meeting though.
     
  11. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    yes Turambar I completely agree with you, same with me and Tori, altho I wanted to meet her asap...it was a good thing that we had actually a long online relationship because we could talk a lot to each other and get to know a lot about each other I think that is one of the reasons that made our relationship so succesful

    and allioness...I'm glad the confusion is over then...like I said it is good getting to know each other online, I never said she's doing something wrong and when they meet I wish the best for them!:)
     
  12. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Yeah, me too :D
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. FireSnake

    FireSnake Bhaal Spawn

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    Hmm I still have at least 600 to go bytheway the rest ill be able to borrow though that will have to be paid back...unless anakin is still intrigued at the idea of robbing a bank lol then it will be a bit easier.
     
  14. Elynnya

    Elynnya Elynnya

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    8 months :D. $2500 once all costs are included thats a minimum though. Working it out Ilya is about as far away from me in the world as he can get.

    QUOTE=Anakin]yeah that's how she described it to most of us...She had an online relationship, and seemed not to have a problem to keep it online.

    She said she was happy with the online relationship. And than yeah as she was thinking I attacked her that she couldn't be in love if she wanted to keep it online. But now I know that she does want to meet him, than I'm convinced she is in love.[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry I gave that impression, I meant to say that I'm happy and content that I am with Ilya. I don't enjoy the situation as such but truly beginning that way has helped, as rather than judging Ilya on his looks from the beginning I get to judge his personality first. If he had been at my school or whatever I would have ignored him. So I guess it being an internet relationship has helped as it made him stand out from everybody else. If I have to wait five years to see Ilya then I will, hell it would be horrible having to wait for that long but I love him and I'm willing to wait. It would be pointless to break up with him due to us not being together because I can be with nobody else but him. I promise I'll try to explain better. :D

    If it cost me my pinky finger then I'd be with Ilya in an instant. The problem is I don't have $2500, and short of swimming across the ocean or hitching and illegal ride on a plane. Neither of which are viable, well unless I want to drown or get arrested :D
     
  15. Elynnya

    Elynnya Elynnya

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    Thats the problem, purely online relationships have the ability to last until death. In a perfect world :D I.e. it could happen, somebody could be with somebody purely online until their death, they don't have to be retarded they just have to be...I don't know the word for it. Kinda along the lines of wierd and wow.I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't be with Ilya in more than an online relationship. I love him and that presents a problem becuase its something I'd never let go of yet I could never see him. Luckily I'm not in that situation.

    Once again the use of webcam and microphone, telephone and letters can open things wide up. Theres some thing I will say communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. Although I am not with him, and there are the possibilities of deception through the masking of the truth by assumptions I have no doubt that I know Ilya as well as I would in an purely in the flesh relationship and that once you get past a certain stage the knowing of somebody increases at the same and steady rate. I don't doubt that in the beginning that knowing somebody would be harder on the internet becuase you may get the wrong impressions. I think after a certain period of time that changes. Hell I talk to him for around 8 hours a day on non-school days more if I leave my comp on and wake up in the night. During the school days its cut down to three hours, during that amount of time, especially after 8 months secrets things to me level out, knowing him (personality) is the same as if we were physically together. When you spend that amount of time around somebody you do end up knowing them quite well. At the moment I can't tell you how rough his hands are or how many eyelashes he has (although I could get a photo and count them :D) For me that doesn't bother me as much as not knowing his personality does. I take the approach that its difficult to change your personality but it isn't as difficult to change your apperance. What I'm saying is that his personality (although most here wouldn't understand becuase he's not a little angel here) outweighs whatever he looks like or feels like. So he could be 300 pounds, ugly as hell and the stinkiest thing on earth and yeah I'd be grumpy becuase he lied to me but his personality outweighs his apperience. I guess thats one of the reasons an online relationship of this sort works for me. While I'd give anything to be with Ilya physically I would not give up my love and my relationship becuase I was unable to have him physically.

    EDIT: I thought I should reply to the first part

    Whether a relationship is a success/works can only be determined by the people in the relationship and their expectations. I judge my relationship a success becuase from Ilya I want love and protection and thats what he gives me. Its sucessful because I'm getting the most important things I need wanting other things doesn't matter becuase you can't judge a relationship on those little things if the big needs are fufilled. I liken it to life, some people will belive that they're life is a faliure if they get sacked from work, others wont. Its all goal based, if you wanted to settle down and have kids and thats what you deeemed a success would be and you don't do it then yes it would be a faliure. I could look at Ilya's life and think well hey he's a faliure becuase he hasn't won and olympic medal, but that is (not that I deem my life successful becuase I win an olympics, I'm using and example) not the point, becuase thats my wishes and goals I can't apply them to somebody else and call them a faliure becuase thats not what they're trying to achieve If they were then yes that would be a faliure. If my relationship was that my main need was to have Ilya cuddle me every night then yes my relationship would be a failure becuase that isn't what is occuring. Other people can judge the relationship you're in but they're judging it with their eyes and what they would like out of a relationship. So while my relationship may be a faliure to some, to me it is a success. For me I first and foremost care about those two things I want out of my relationship. Anything after that, while it may be very important it wont mean to me that my relationship is a faliure.
    Everything depends on your defintions of whats a success and a faliure.
    As for my use of "they" well I interchange the two above becuase they are in a sense very similar. For the moment I'm refering to what I have now, a purely online relationship...well kinda (we write letters and phone eachother) Once again success or faliure is all depends on the wants and needs of the people in the relationship. :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 22, 2005
  16. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    I'm just glad the confusion is over and what you say is right, the personality comes first...that's a good thing between me and Tori like I said before, we couldn't meet for a long time either but the advantage that gave us is that we got to know each other very well, Every aspect. If we met immediatly maybe things wouldn't be the same. Some say that starting a relationship online is very promissing. So yeah I cross my fingers for you and Ilya:)
     
  17. Elynnya

    Elynnya Elynnya

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    Thank you. I hope you an Tori are very happy together.
     
  18. Padmé

    Padmé Mrs Cascador

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    We are :) Well sadly we're not together at the moment :( He's in Belgium and Im in Scotland, miss him so much, too much!
     
  19. Akkarin

    Akkarin Black High Lord

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    Elynna, how can someone protect you from the other side of the world?
     
  20. Elynnya

    Elynnya Elynnya

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    How can you protect yourself from people in your own area?

    Its not that hard to bring somebody with you when you meet up with a person, to be in a public place etc etc.