Online Relationships

Discussion in 'Every Day Debating' started by imagine99, Jul 15, 2005.

  1. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    That's good...I'm glad this arguement, cause it wasn't really a debate is over, and I hope to debate later maybe with a clean start. I don't want any enemies here:)
     
  2. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Anakin - Just because you felt as if you were in love and then it turned out you weren't doesn't mean that other people can't be different.

    Is the only reason why you think she can't be experiencing true love age?
     
  3. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    allioness, it is over. I'm not going to talk about her anymore. Like I said...I'm glad for her if she certain she is experiancing true love, if not I'm certain she will someday. It doesn't matter cause like Turambar said she will find the answers herself...and the most important...she said she's happy. And if that is because of her online relationship, then there is no point in sharing our opinions with her, she has to focus on hers.
     
  4. Elynnya

    Elynnya Elynnya

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    It all comes down to what people want to call it. Some people will call it lust, infatuation, many things but what does it matter. It doesn't. Love is something different for everybody. I call this feeling I have, the warmth I feel when I'm around Ilya love, I call wanting to be with him forever love. It may sound like everyother teenager and their little "I want to be with them forever" and then five seconds later they break up but you can look at it that way or you can look at it differently. In the end I don't care becuase thats whats in my heart and mind and you can't change it or even make me doubt it.
     
  5. Elynnya

    Elynnya Elynnya

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    She did pose a pretty fair question. Why don't you explain so that we might better understand?
     
  6. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    So you aren't going to explain your point of view?

    I think the question is something that needs answering. There doesn't have to be insults thrown or arguments started. Just it'd be good if you could explain
     
  7. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    love is indeed an aging process. The more you grow older the better you get a definition of what love is. The more experiance you have with several kinds of love....online, with letters over the phone and in physical contact. If you can compare all those than you already get a pretty good definition of what true love is. You will feel in what moment of these you felt mostly in love. I have experianced all these kinds of love. And it also depends what your point of view on love is. At this moment you have your point of view on love. But you're still in a learning process so your point of view might still change. I'm at a point that I believe I found the one...the only. So I am not curious to another vision of love. Although my relationship can still change but only for the better. That is because we are both confident of how strong our love is.
     
  8. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    So, a person who's say 14 or 15 cannot know what true love is?
     
  9. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    Don't get mad if I say, that altho they feel like in love, even experiencing true love, they have to learn a definition of responsablities to each other, altho many at that age already have responsabilites to each of course...it only begins to start or some are already in progress, even her what those are. I don't know how to call it in english but at that age you are experiencing "kalverliefde" which is love, but still only in a learning process. But that doesn't mean it's not love
     
  10. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    I'm not getting mad :) I'm just trying to understand.

    I'll bring in my own experience. When I was 14 I went out with a guy for 2 and a half months. I was absolutely convinced that it was love, my mum didn't like him and neither did my friends. I should have known better, I really should have done but he was the first guy to really pay attention to me. He broke up with me and this was his excuse "I'm too young to be falling in love". What balls I know and I was heartbroken for weeks but after 3 weeks I really began to see him for what he was - an arrogant jerk.

    After 3/4 weeks of him splitting up with me I went to the cinema and bowling alley with my friends. That day I saw a guy who was really cute. I was so embarrassed and shy so my friend got his number. When I got his number we immediately started texting one another. We spent one week talking over the internet and then we met up for a date. It'll be 3 years next wednesday for when we met each other and 3 years the following week for when we started going out.

    Now, I've had quite a lot of offensive posts from other forums saying "You're too young to be experiencing true love" and "Why the hell are you wasting your life and being boring". I don't believe that it's all about age, I don't believe that it's all about experience. I believe those two things come into but it doesn't rule all. I believe that it's about the two people involved and how they handle the relationship.

    Two more things which might come as a shock: 1) I got engaged to him after 7 months when I was 14 and 2) I moved in with him into our own house when I was 16.

    I have to admit that "most" teenagers do think they are in love and I despise the ones who do because it gives every other one a bad name and makes it much harder for people like me, damien (my boyfriend) caitlin and ilya.

    Love is a term which people use for anything and some people seem to think that there's a difference between "Being in love" and "Love". I don't think there is, I just think there are different types, different strengths and different beliefs. Different people will feel these differently at different times.

    When I say "Yes, I know I'm in true love" I understand that most of you will say "Yeah, there's no way that you can know true love" but does it matter what you think? After all, isn't it my relationship? Do other people's opinions really matter on something which you're doing?

    I'll hold my hands up and say "Yes, my relationship might end" but to be honest, why would it? We've been able to make it work this long and so why can't we make it last even longer. I've thought about what would happen if we were to break up and I've got a plan. And if we were to break up I'd say "Yeah, it's such a shame but I've had a damn good time".

    So, is it all about age?
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2005
  11. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    no age and experience and I see you have some experience yourself and that is good thing in the process of what love is about cause Being in love and love might not be different. But being in love and a relationship is different. That is what we are debating here. My opinion was that being truly in love and in an online only relationship can't work at least not forever. Caitlin said her opinion about that and I'll respect that from now on as long as she respect mine...and yeah if you are sure about your love, than I am happy for you. But you said it yourself in a way....it depends on what people think what true love is. Opinions are different in that. So I suggest you hold on to your opinion cause that is the most important one. The only thing I can say that I hope you are right and that you are experiancing true love. I know I am....
     
  12. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Yeah. Like I said, with online relationships then I'm more or less in the middle. I haven't experienced one so I can't really comment on it. I do believe that people shouldn't get into an online relationship willingly, and by that I mean I don't think people should go looking for an online relationship.

    I would say that it's got to be very tricky, very hard, very upsetting and very hard work but there are some people out there who are willing to at least try to make that work.

    I'm not questioning your love because I don't know you BUT how do you know that it's true love? What makes you think that this is the one?

    Btw - I hope I am right as well :). I don't altogether know because no one can truly know unless it happens but I do feel it is and I know to a certain extent :)
     
  13. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    I know it because she's almost identical as me...she is the female version of me...she has everything I want. And I have everything she wants in a man. That is what's most important in a relationship. If you have a lot in common that is a good thing altho it's sometimes bad I've heard, but not in our case. It's like I was going to believe in destiny that I met her...It is still hard cause I'm from Belgium and she is from Scotland so it won't be an easy relationship but because we love each other so much it's worth fighting for. I think you know what I mean.
     
  14. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Yeah, I do know what you mean. That is exactly how I feel about my boyfriend/fiance - we are one of the same person.

    But what you've described doesn't necessarily come with age does it? Do you see what I mean? *looks hopeful*
     
  15. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    Not necissarely, but I think at a young age, you're just more vulnerable to getting hurt, cause yeah you hear these things a lot, of young people getting already engaged having a baby and such. And yeah that sounds dangerous to me. I understand of course. But since yeah you are learning and not only about love, but also life itself, how to survive, that makes young people more vulnerable...I just hope you are an exception:)
     
  16. allioness

    allioness New Member

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    Yeah, I completely understand what you mean but surely everyone is vulnerable? Surely having lots of failed relationships and relationships which you thought were true love would make you more vulnerable?

    Even being in a marriage does not guarantee anything. Divorce rates are very high and so if your partner cheats and you've got a child surely that can be more devastating and leave you more vulnerable than a relationship at the age of 17 breaking up?

    Life sounds dangerous to me and I mean everything in life but if you hide away with a little shell around you protecting you from all the possibly nasty things in life then... you aren't going to live.

    Me personally, I see engagement as an extension of our commitment to one another. I would never get married at such a young age because I don't see the point. We're going to be waiting 4/5 more years before we get married because we aren't silly people.

    Also, every time we have sex (Although we haven't had sex for over 1 year now because of an infection which the doctors didn't even know the name of and they certainly haven't fixed!) I'm on the pill and we use condoms. Yes, it's not 100% certain I won't get pregnant but it's damn near to it - especially if I take the pill at the same time every day and I'm not sick. But if I was to get pregnant then me and my boyfriend would manage - we're already half way there anyway to be quite honest. If my boyfriend left me then it'd be a more serious case and so I'd have to think about that more seriously at the time.

    To be completely honest, I have not really changed from when I was 14 (I'm 17 now). I've changed in the sense that now I pay the bills and do all of the housework along with my boyfriend but my attitude to life, my maturity and everything else hasn't really changed. My upbringing and past experiences have helped tremendously with that.

    I hope I'm an exception as well :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2005
  17. jeremiah.l.burns

    jeremiah.l.burns Callo

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    Okay. Just a quick interjection.

    I've clearly given a wrong impression. My relationship works, but it is not an online relationship. It merely began as one. That's all I was trying to point out. Relationships happen in lots of different ways, and start in countless ways - don't be to quick to say "Don't try an online relationship", 'cause it may lead to therelationship of your dreams.

    However...I'd be miserable if I'd not tried to explore things further. Strictly online? I couldn't do it. There's no way I'd want to even try. If I want a meaningful relationship with a computer monitor, I'll have one. But I don't. I want more.

    Hmmm...part of me tries to always look for the 'what if' in all situations. Even if that 'what if' is a less than 1% possibility.

    What if, for example a mentally hadicapped person were allowed to use a computer in a hospital under supervision to experience the outside world a little bit? What if that lead to a supervised chat system that involved mentally handicapped people elsewhere in the world?

    What if two of these people began talking and 'hit it off'? They may have the mentality of a 12 year old or less...but what if they believed they were in love? I wouldn't have the heart to argue with them. And what if getting online once a week were the absolute joy and sunshine in this couple's lives? What if, due to lack of mental awareness, they never wanted anything else? It's possible that this 'online relationship' could work, if the means were there through their repsective facilities, until they died. I'd consider it a success.

    In the case of the relationships which have been discussed on this thread? No. I don't believe they would last if the people involved don't try to develop the relationship into something deeper...something in person.

    One final note - Adina, if you still drop by here to laugh at the chaos that has ensued, I feel for you. What was said to you was crass, insensitive, rude and immature. It shows the assenine level some will stoop to in order to try to win an argument. People like that shouldn't be allowed to debate, and I've no respect for them. I highly respect you for all you've accomplished on your own.
     
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  18. Elynnya

    Elynnya Elynnya

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    Crass, insensitive, rude and immature insults were thrown on both sides.
     
  19. Sorcha

    Sorcha Moderator Staff Member

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    See...no.

    I'm pretty sure your boy trumped any kind of rude remarks anyone said. Frankly, if it was up to me firesnake would find his ass banned for that kinda remark. Mostly because there's a certain amount of respect for others' feelings one is expected to have, which he clearly does not. Lucky for him it's not up to me.

    But I can tell you this. Don't expect anyone's sympathy. You won't find it here.
     
  20. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    Everyone, stay on topic. The topic is "Online Relationships" not "I dislike what you said to me three posts ago."

    Nienor
    TFF Admin
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2005