I specialise in silly LotR based poems. I have two so far. They're meant to be cheesy and contrived...I promise. Gollum was a lonely thing Of fish and Precious he would sing Until one day his luck would sway When Bilbo Baggins came to play. He stole Gollum's precious ring Then threatened him with mean ol' Sting When Gollum cried and begged it back Bilbo slapped him and attacked! Then Coward Bilbo ran away Gollum had to save the day! He searched for Bilbo all the night And then he lead him to the light. And nassty Bilbo leapt and ran In Gollum he would find no fan. Forever after Gollum searched In forest, dale, oak and birch. Until one dark and fateful day That Gollum went too far astray Captured by the evil Lord He gave up Baggins with two words! And suddenly poor Gollum had Company and all of it bad!! Instead of one there now were nine! He hoped The Precious he would find. But alas to poor Gollum's fate The nine rode forth from that black gate And soon took over Gollum's quest And did much better what he did best. They made their way towards Shire-land With horses under and swords in hand And when they found that sorry lot They gave chase, pursued them hot. As Frodo and his friends got free Gollum plotted his own spree. He'd hound that hobbit night and day Until at last he lost his way. And then, there, in deep of night He'd kill him, take Ring, and his flight. And when the dawn would rise next morn There'd lie Frodo, Sam forlorn. And with his Precious back in hand Gollum would hatch a nasstier plan On lost, fat hobbit he'd sneak unseen Throttle him, strangle him, til he turned green. And with those tricksy hobbitsses dead Gollum at last could go to bed. He'd find a cold, wet, fishsome hole Beneath a mountain, dark, and cold. And in the night he'd make his home And hide the ring for time unknown. And there he'd dwell where all light left us, And never again be without Precious.