My Story - The Conjurer (working title)

Discussion in 'Writing Workshop' started by tolkienreader, Sep 9, 2009.

  1. tolkienreader

    tolkienreader The Aesahir

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    So I've been meaning to start on this project for soooo long, and just now I decided to start working the plot forward. I have been stuck at developing the mythology of the elder days of my story, unfortunately I have noticed that the mythology is getting to vast already and I thought that I would never finish the present if I focus on the past/history. Forgive me if the plot seems disconnected at times, because this is still a WIP (work in progress). So here goes nothing...If anyone of you can give me suggestions, nice ones or criticisms it will help me alot. Thanks!

    First with the characters...

    Main Character/s:
    Eldaron - the main protagonist. The High Conjurer (Aesahir) half Masai-half human. A descendant of a royal lineage. Son of Galdor (high king of the Masai) and Midea (queen, a human), they live in Ife, the holy city near the lake Erea. He lost his father and mother when he was still an infant from the assassination attempt of the high priest Sahadrin to his father. He was transported to Carhendrel*, a city lying in the border of Fayen and Kalimdor, by his mother using a portal. He was then found by Worfina and Mattheus, a trader, and was raised as their own son. He grows as an adolescent together with Ardon his brother (real son of Mattheus and Worfina). But then an incident kills his foster parents and brother by a band of mercenaries hired by Xenomius (a tyrant king of Zygaria) to retrieve an artifact, the mirror of Ashan. He then swore revenge for the murder of his family and was filled with hate and malevolence which in turn triggered his power which awakened Sihattu, the uluri* governing death and decay. Nothing was spared from his onslaught except one mercenary who escapes to tell Xenomius of the man who can conjure the Ulurei. Xenomius learns of the power that belonged to the ancient race of the Masai and sets on a hunt for Eldaron.

    Galdor - high king of the Masai, father of Eldaron. Keeper of the shard, or the broken "Ki"* or the tablet of destiny and its secrets. The high priest envied his knowledge of the "Ki" and in turn planned for his assassination which became successful.

    Midea - queen of the inhabitants of Ife, the holy city upon the lake Erea, wife of Galdor. A human that belonged to a mighty lineage of humans that first fought wars against the evil god Malkut. She was among the first humans to set foot upon Ife and heeded the call of the god Ennugi that was then called "the gathering" when the gods descended upon Khaldun to bring the Ki.

    Sahadrin - the high priest of the brotherhood. The antagonist. After killing the high king he escapes Ife, and conceals his identity. He becomes Rasuman, the chief executor of the tyrant king, Xenomius. An executor is a chief counsel of the king. Leader of the order of mages of the high council. He is a servant of the evil god Malkut. The evil god bent him to retrieve the broken shards of the Ki, for when put together the "doom of the gods"* will be lifted from Khaldun and use the Sakkuth* (the truth of the universe) to destroy all of creation.

    Secondary Characters:

    Lady Caliope - a seer that belonged to a tribe of warrior women, the Gaur*. They do not have men in their tribe but kidnaps men every mating season, to mate with them to have offsprings. They are a tribe of seers, druids and warriors. Every seer is accompanied with a warrior (called a guardian) for it is believed that seers are weak. Profession is determined at birth by a ritual called the ordination. Her guardian is Helme, a warrior ordained at birth to accompany her. Seers draw strength from their guardians. Unlike oracles who directly speak to the god Ahmun (fate), seers see through the omens of the threads of fate. They will join Eldaron in his quest of completing the Ulurei to defeat Sahadrin when Eldaron saves them from an ambush from the dark mages of Suram.

    Helme - the guardian of Caliope, who develops love for the seer. In their tribe, anything more than a seer-guardian relationship is forbidden. When the high council founds out of their romantic relationship, they were banished from their tribe. It was then that Caliope saw through her divination of a man that will bring them salvation, Eldaron, and they must help him finish his quest.

    Gohn - a barbarian from the north (Snorri), belonging to a tribe of barbarians, the arganta. He is on a mission to kill Xenomius, the king tyrant of Zygaria. His tribe was almost wiped out in the invasion of Zygaria during the great expansion* including his parents. He rides for Zygaria but falls prey from a band of Xenomius' assassins in Assad, but was saved by Eldaron and Helme in a rendezvous in Nakir. He owes Eldaron his life and swears his allegiance to him and promised him aid in completing his quest till the end.

    Morwen - a druadanu (elf). He is the son of the high king of the hidden kingdom of Qalludin. He seeks the "godbane" for which their oracle prophesied will be the one to destroy the world. The druadanu are hard ( like the bark of a tree) and pale-skinned. They live in the forests of Khaldun and has the power to control nature. He learns that Eldaron is the godbane and joins him in his quest to befriend him and earn his trust so that he can execute his plan on killing him to put an end to the prophecy, but in the end, he will have to choose between friendship and his real mission.

    Menelthor - a necromancer from the northeast (Argath), the bloodlands. A desolate place where the bloodmages (damudar) and necromancers (mulkassa) reign. He loses his power in a duel with his rival Allut. Because of the humiliation he exiles himself from his tribe. He embarks on a quest to find the legendary bloodstone* (damulith) to regain his power and dignity back.

    Landon - A blade master from Myr (Essyth). He belongs to the last line of the blade masters. of the south. In the invasion of Zygaria in Essyth, he swore allegiance to his king, to defend Essyth from the invaders. He leads a band of warriors to the sea to stop the invaders from ever setting foot to Essyth but was ambushed by a hoard of assassins and dark mages. His battleship capsizes and he somehow loses his memory. He wakes at a beach in Suyam in Fayen and from there learns of a hero, Eldaron, who saves their town from an invasion from Zygaria. He decides to join them and follows them. He will become the guardian of Eldaron and eventually falls in love with him.

    Supplementary Info:

    Carhendrel - a neutral city bordering the provinces of Kalimdor and Fayen. The state of Carhendrel is famous for it is the only place in all Khaldun that is devoid of magic. Surrounded by the 3 Arken stones, nothing of magical origin can penetrate the area. The arken stones, according to legends came from the sky, that separated into three rocks. Carhendrel was once the center of magic in all of Khaldun, a natural nidus of free flowing magic, in turn it was discovered that a gate of power existed in Carhendrel, a dark mage knew of this information and used it to open a gate to Nehir (infernal plane). A great battle was waged in Carhendrel and in the end, a wizard (believed to be a Masai) conjured the arken stones (it was actually Alludanu, the uluri governing meteor) from the sky. The gate was closed and the demon hoard was stopped and from then on the city became devoid of magic.

    The Uluri - the spirits of Anu. They are also called the elder gods and the ancient ones. They are classified into the greater ulurei and the lesser ulurei. The greater ulurei, the first born, were Adun, the god governing destruction, and Naru, the god governing creation, they are also called the primeval powers, representing the cycle of birth and death. The lesser ulurei, represent the elements. They are , Isatu, governing fire, Anzu, water, Saru, Air, Kaquru, Earth, Araku, time, Kuppu, Ice, Rusundu, Mud, Nabu, Nature or forests, Birqu, lightning, Imhullu, storm, Ribu, earthquake, Duppuru, gravity, Isakuru, brimstone, Alludanu, meteor, Seru, light, Sillu, shadow, and Sihattu, death and decay. Their completion created Anu, the hollow structure where the gods (the vanunaki) created the planes. They are also called the chaos gods, for they are untamed. When the vanunaki were created, they locked the lesser ulurei into spheres called the Asahad. and used them to fashion Anu and create the planes. Since they cannot make the greater ulurei into sheres they made Naru sleep and created Erudin, the sleeping chamber and locked Adun in a durance, Ninkur, with the 8 seals of dominion. When the vanunaki were finished with their labors, and learned of the sakkuth, they envisioned the Ki, or the tablet of destiny. In the making of the Ki much of their powers went to it, including the Asahad or the lesser ulurei. Then Lahamu, king of the Vanunaki, descended upon Khaldun, in the lake Erea, to exalt with their creation. Little did they know of the plans of Malkut, the enemy of the vanunaki. And his vengeance was swift as he smote his malice into the Ki, the Ki was then shattered into pieces and was spread accross all of Khaldun. With the shattering of the Ki, a doom was then set forth into Khaldun. That whenever the gods shall descend upon Khaldun, they will be stripped off their powers and shall age and rot like mortals. the gods then ascended to Dilmun (abode of the gods) and Malkut into Nehir (infernal plane). but the Ki remained in Khaldun. It was then prophesied that the gathering of the shattered pieces of the Ki shall lift the doom of the gods and the wielder of the completed Ki shall attain immense power (sakkuth).

    Ki - the tablet of destiny. the power of the gods in physical form. It is also called the divine law. It is believed that when the ki was made a great power went to it that it was terrible to behold. It represented the collective soul of the gods. and from then on all of malkut's strength went on pursuing to destroy it.

    Doom of the Gods - WIP

    Gaur - WIP

    The great expansion - WIP

    Damulith (bloodstone) - WIP


    THEME: ??? still in progress. I wanted to make a profound message, one that is compelling enough to move readers. But when I think of one, I diss it immediately because its not compelling enough.

    PLOT: the story revolves around Eldaron and the ripening of his innate power through the completion of the ULUREI (just like the guardian forces in final fantasy VIII). The story starts in the birth of Eldaron, the exposition of his lineage/ancestry and the presentation of the main conflict of the story. The setting at the beginning of the story, Ife, a holy city where the Masai, the first born (they are like demigods that can invoke the powers of the ULURI) the first humans, and the rest of the races (the druadanu (elf-like), samhai (dwarf-like mountain people) This city is cut off from the rest of the world (Khaldun) by a power set by the gods (the veil of Ife). It is surrounded by the Spine, the towering mountains surrounding Ife. This is why, the city is considered a thing of legends in the present time (of the story). The antagonist Sahadrin murders his parents but her mother in her last breath transports him outside Ife, in a city devoid of magic, Carhendrel. A family finds him and makes him their own...
    fast forward to his adolescence. He is a fugitive on the run. He has become a thief, with a vengeful spirit since the murder of all his human/foster family.

    To be continued...(see part 2)
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2009
  2. jamercier

    jamercier New Member

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    In all honesty the beginning of your plot sounds a great deal like Eragon, the first book of the Inheritance Trilogy by Christopher Paolini, also, the usage of "The Spine" might be a little warranted.
     
  3. jamercier

    jamercier New Member

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    Oops, posted too quickly...

    I meant to also ask if Eldaron is "transported" to Carhendrel before or after it becomes blocked from penetrating magic? The latter would not make sense.

    Other than those comments, it sounds great! Just remember: only put in enough mythology/language in your story to convey your thoughts, you don't need to divulge everything immediately. Series will maintain your audience, if there is more than one book needed to tell your story, write more than one book. :)

    Hope this helps,
    Joshua Mercier
     
  4. JIM

    JIM zombie Turncoat

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    i agree with the mythology. biggest mistake with rpg game worlds i see is they overcomplicate.
    allow room for changes later. if a god isnt going to be mentioned, dont design it, just have a thought that its "something"
    leave room for a character to develop. if they are already powerful they wont get the fans interest, people want to see the hero fail sometimes.
     
  5. tolkienreader

    tolkienreader The Aesahir

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    Thanks jamercier, your suggestion made me think about the story, did it really seem like eragon? I haven't read eragon yet but have seen the movie adaptation. I will edit this beginning sequence again, I am careful not to let my story be like a spin off of another story or novel. Hmmm oh about the teleporting or transporting thing, I haven't thought about this, good thing you noticed it. I will edit this again. (Maybe transport him into another town near Carhendrel. hehe)
    Also, your suggestion for not divulging everything is a great help. I will take it all into account. Thanks again!
     
  6. tolkienreader

    tolkienreader The Aesahir

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    Thanks jim, your comment is a great help. I think I won't overdo the background story of the gods just yet until they come into the foray. :D This is why I also can't move forward, I tend to focus in the background history.
     
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