My book in progress

Discussion in 'Original Works' started by harmonixer554, Mar 27, 2009.

  1. harmonixer554

    harmonixer554 The Bringer Of The End Of Times... and Cookies

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    Prologue

    Over in the depths of the forgotten empire lived an archmage know as Evintile, Evintile was born in a City known as Galcnovire (the king’s residence) there he studied to be a academic student (involves use of magic) after graduating he became one of the most renown scientist for his dark energy converter it had the power to harness dark energy then power different objects and even bring humans back to life (this is trying to be perfected). He was one of the select few corrupted by the Arcion stone (a stone created by the apostles of the draconic court, which was soon corrupted from a Demi-god this was his last ever action in the physical world we know as earth, the corruption would take over the minds of humans if they were strong enough and he would use them to do his deeds, though the humans still had thought just a corrupted thought). The mage had constructed a demonic bridge gate leading to the plains of hell he did this by building a giant dark energy converter and reversing the change to let a big pulse of energy out to charge the gate, where he was to call a mighty wrath across what is known as Terenmire, the motherland of the elves. The king at the time sent all the men he could to destroy this gate. Unfortunately, all this was in vain, for the Gorgon towers (a tower with a giant snake on top with a blood red eye which turns people to stone) were able to detect the force and annihilate it, so the king decided to send a small task force of heroes to destroy this gate with the stone of Eden. Legend has it that if the stone of Eden is destroyed inside a demon gate, there will be peace and harmony in the world, so the heroes did as the king instructed and destroyed the stone inside the gate and restored peace to the world. But how long could this peace last?


    Chapter 1 a forgotten past

    One of the heroes from Evintile’s defeat resided in a small fishing village known as Altonto, were he spent most of his days fishing and hunting for the town, he had held the record for biggest fish(what the village knows him for not him being a hero) it was several years since he had his last fight it would seem he has almost forgotten ,most days for him were normal apart from today… 400 of the kings men (some of the most elite soldiers from the king )marched through the village lead by the 3rd rank captain Isaac ,they stopped outside the hero’s house and blew their horn’s . The horn could be made out by most citizens under the command of the king, the hero walks outside and says “what does the king want now, this was one of the only places people didn’t recognize me and you have just”….. Isaac intervenes in the middle of his sentence “the king needs help from the group of heroes that aided him in the war between Evintile and his army. The hero says “what could be so necessary you had to bring all these men here?” “We could not risk the sword being stolen by bandits and highway men, you must hurry grab you equipment and meet us at the fountain of the goddess outside the town, we shall brief you there” the 400 men start marching away from the town.

    Inside the hero’s house there are a few pictures of him with a woman … one of the picture says “to my beloved husband, I wish you good luck on your travels, Garnet”. The hero starts to feel uneasy and falls to the ground*flashback* “ha-ha come on you big softie” the hero throws a stone at a carnival target, It hits. “Here you teddy for the wife” the hero passes the teddy to garnet….. *flashback end* the hero emerges from his room in his chain-mail armor and his Runite forged sword. As the hero starts walking through the town the wind brushes against his face he murmurs to himself “ahh, I won’t feel the pleasure of the wind like this for a while”. The hero walks on to the edge of the town were a mighty forest stands.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2009
  2. harmonixer554

    harmonixer554 The Bringer Of The End Of Times... and Cookies

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    Chapter 2 fountain of the goddess

    The fountain stands strong in the woods even though it has been there since the ancients walked the plains of the gods (10,000 years ago). Its luscious water is legend to cure those tainted by the stone.
    As the hero walks to the fountain he begins to feel faint and light headed he tries to shake it off but it is too much for him, he falls to the ground *flashback* “Evintile we can still save you just come with us to the fountain and we can stop this madness” the hero shouts . “My dear brother how can we deal with your treachery, I know you shall be the first to witness the power of hell’s wrath, now Alexander cower before me!” he shouts echoing across the kingdom. *flashback end* Alex is surrounded by white mages “Alex are you ok? Alex answerer me” a mysterious voice says, “WH, what just happened to me?!”, “well the only explanation is just a simple flashback” Alex jumps to his feet and find his vision to be a bit blurry, “whoa, I can hardly see” the white mage reply’s “ahh a common side effect from having flashbacks, see what happens is your brain swells up with blood making all other bodily function work at a bare minimum.

    Alex walks into the tent “ahh Alex please sit down, the matter which we have to talk about is urgent, the king requested your services personally.” Alex gives and blank stare then replies “well, why the king would ask for me there were many heroes that stopped Evintile, all I wanted was some peace and solitude.” Alex stands up and looks outside the tent and has his attention drawn to some birds chirping. “well Alex you were the best fighter of that time and the king has had premonitions of your being the one to stop the next great evil, I know it quite farfetched but there is no doubt that there is a new evil and we believe that it is going to destroy the kingdom and bring Demi-gods to earth alas this would be the end of us all, now can you see why the king has chosen you says the captain with all seriousness. “well fine I will go along with this, oh you mentioned a sword earlier what was that about?”, “ahh glad you asked, it is a sword made by the most advanced elves and dwarves blacksmiths, it is made from the fragments of Eden’s stone it is said this sword has the strength to combat gods, well I better give it to you. The captain walks out the tent to get the sword, Alex starts looking around the tent looking for some sort of parchment to give some clues about what he is against, a note pinned to his personal belongings catches Alex’s attention we pick it up it reads “I have entrusted you with this sword to give to Alexander , when you complete this mission send Alexander up into the dwarves mountains where a portal to the plates of hell has been constructed , he will have to pass the portal and destroy the threat or this will be the end of humanity , your faithfully Edward 1st king of Galcnovire”. Alex thinks to himself “send me to hell literary, well I will have to do this if I want to live peacefully again.” Isaac walks in with the sword in a gold lined scabbard, Alex quickly fumbles the letter back into place and walks to Isaac, “well its seems to be a nice sword” Alex draws the sword to get a feel for it, “huh, its sees really light for what it is, well guess that is what happens when elves and dwarves work together”. Alex quickly sheaths his sword and turns to Isaac “so what would you have me do in the name of the king??” Isaac “well we need you to travel to the dwarves mountains; you shall receive further instructions there. Alex starts to walk to the exit of the tent but before he got to the exit Isaac says “oh I noticed you read the parchment , ahh your as inquisitive as ever” Isaac gives a quick smile before Alex disappears into the woods “err, I wonder if he knows what he got himself into?.”

    here are the fist towo chapters all feedback welcome :p
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2009
  3. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    i would just like to say, to short. I will not say anything othwise...it's psychotcally short both chap 1 & 2.
     
  4. harmonixer554

    harmonixer554 The Bringer Of The End Of Times... and Cookies

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    To short.... fine ill lengthen them

    edit:done chapter 2 didnt have much to build on there so its only got a bit more, on the other hand chapter 1 has lodes more
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2009
  5. Darkloch

    Darkloch Love Sara

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    Ok, that my have been to krass. but seriously, two pages including prolouge? its not even the beginning of a chapter.
     
  6. Black Tattoo

    Black Tattoo The Corruptor

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    One suggestion. If you feel you can't really build on your existing chapters (without becoming long-winded or redundent) perhaps you could consider blending your existing chapters together with double spaces between to show change in scenery or progression of time. A book titled "Jackals" by Charles Grant is done that way all the way through (there are no chapters at all).

    This is only a suggestion of course, so that you don't feel bound or confined to a particular style of writing. I've read so many books and seen so many written in different ways, it's almost mind boggling.

    Other than that however, I did enjoy this read. I think you have lots of room to expand and grow both on your characters and their world. :)
     
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  7. harmonixer554

    harmonixer554 The Bringer Of The End Of Times... and Cookies

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    that sounds like a good idea black tattoo thank you for the suggestion
     
  8. anonymous

    anonymous the king

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    pretty interesting....
     
  9. Black Tattoo

    Black Tattoo The Corruptor

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    You're welcome :)