Jailbreak

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Dystopia Eternal, Feb 28, 2004.

  1. Dystopia Eternal

    Dystopia Eternal The Windbringer

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    Here is a very short story (500 words) i wrote when i was feeling kind of bored.

    The car door slams behind a lonely figure. It echos through the mountains like a gunshot. He glances about, finally looking across the lot where the setting sun streaks the sky with the blood of the heavens. Turning the car keys in his hands, their familiar jingling sound reaches his ears, reminding him of the life that once was possible. It is tempting for him to just get back in his car and drive home, but his mind is set. The keys arc through the air, glinting in the light of the fading sun. Landing with a splash, he is satisfied to see them tumble over a waterfall.

    He turns back to the trees. The huge evergreens loom over him, swallowing what little light is left. Directly in front of him, the trees have grown together to form a twisted, gnarled archway into the forest. A well worn path fades into the darkness beyond. Taking a deep breath, the traveler rushes forward into the shadows. Immediately, he is cold. A chilling wind whispers through the ancient branches of the trees. His face is brushed by leaves fluttering in the night. A thick mist gathers around him, making it impossible to see anything but the path beneath his feet. The quiet crunching of the gravel is the only way to know the trail is still there.

    Onward he runs, chased by only his fear and anger. Suspicious of every footstep, he quickens his pace as if to outrun himself. Some unknown evil snaps at his heels, and danger lurks all around. He is sprinting now, in fright and panic. Ever forward, ever upward he continues. The path is no longer crushed gravel, but huge bare boulders. Huge roots of generations-old trees snake their way around the rocks. He feels lightheaded and gasps for breath, but cannot afford to stop for rest. He senses the end of the trail is near, and speeds up in anticipation of the end. Rushing forward, he trips over a root and falls. Soaring downward, a cold, dark wind blows past him. Fine droplets of mist soak through him. This traveler’s journey is over. All turns to black.



    He finds himself floating face up in a slow moving stream. His body floats over round, age-worn stones. Eyes closed, he sees a bright light. He drifts down the stream as he drifts back to a deep sleep. He cannot hear the rush of the water over the rocks, the gentle burbling sound cannot reach him. Memories swirl through his mind like leaves in a whirlpool, and he wonders where he went wrong.



    He awakes on a beach formed of gold and silver. It runs along a clear blue ocean for as far as he can see. He picks himself up and walks over the clinking metal to a road. As he steps on the tar, he looks back at the beach, stunned to realize what it is made of.
    “Keys. Thousands of keys!”
     
  2. Radagast

    Radagast Art House Member

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    Nice work. I liked it, presents alot of interpetation, which IMO make the best works.

    One suggestion though, I think this work could use a bit more descriptive words. If you ever feel like re-working it, I suggest use a thesaurus (darn hard to spell:p) and get some unique words and phrases working in there. It will take it a level higher :)

    But overall, very nicely done.