The "Notes to the Milkman" Chronicles: Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one. Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk. Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk. Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bread today. Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks. Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round. When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me. From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk. Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, because I wrote this note yesterday. When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.