Groan!!

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by pigfish, Mar 15, 2006.

  1. pigfish

    pigfish Superstar DJ!!!

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    Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.

    The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
     
  2. Renzokuken

    Renzokuken You have failed this city!

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    Groan!!!!!! :D
     
  3. starshine

    starshine StarShine

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    A different kind of GROAN....maybe that's Moan...

    A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As Emma undressed for bed, the husband (who was a burly bruiser) tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants", she said. "That's right!", said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"

    With that, she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on, and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right and that's the way it's going to be until your goddamned attitude changes!"



    :devilbat:
     
  4. pigfish

    pigfish Superstar DJ!!!

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    LMAO!!

    i like that one!!

    A butcher and his assistant are stood at work, the assistant looks up and says "i bet you £50 you can't get the meat off that top shelf"

    the butcher replies "no i can't, the steaks are too high"
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2006
  5. starshine

    starshine StarShine

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    Now that was a complete GROAN!
    here's one that's kind of long but......



    An English teacher was explaining to his students the concept of gender association in the English language.

    He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she". One of the students raised their hand and asked - "What gender is a computer"?

    The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

    The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
    1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
    2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
    3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

    The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
    2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
    3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it
     
  6. Renzokuken

    Renzokuken You have failed this city!

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    I like the wedding one better, but they're both really good! :D
     
  7. demeter

    demeter New Member

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    lol yer i spose pretty good but GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to most of them

    i must admit that is the biggest groan yet :p
     
  8. pigfish

    pigfish Superstar DJ!!!

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  9. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    marriage:

    definition in law: life time sentence of punishment where you can only be set free by bad behaviour
    definition in general life: No woman ever has what she hoped for...no man has ever hoped for what he has.
    definition in math: -count up of problems
    - count down of freedom
    - Mulitplying of responsability
    - Dividing of property
    military definition: It's the only war where we sleep with the enemy.
    definition in philosopy: It takes two to solve problems you would never had when you stayed single.

    balance: before: We do it two times a night
    after: We do it two times a month

    before: You take my breath away
    after: You choke me!

    before: You never stop
    after: you never start

    before: Saturday Night Fever
    after: Monday night football

    before: erotic
    after: neurotic

    before: I don't know what I would do without her/him
    after: I don't know what to do about her/him

    before: We did it in the couch
    after: I slept in the couch

    But in the end we know love conquers all...:D
     
  10. starshine

    starshine StarShine

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    Check your Dirty IQ!
    Questions:

    1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

    2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

    3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

    4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

    5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

    6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

    7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

    8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

    9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

    10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?




    Answers:

    1. a dentist
    2. a wedding ring
    3. peanut butter
    4.chewing gum
    5. an elevator
    6. a nose
    7. a newspaper boy
    8. a glove
    9. a crane
    10. a toothbrush, of course!

    Now Really! Just what were you thinking?