Good Description? Interesting? Catch your attention?

Discussion in 'Reviews' started by Bishop, Jun 26, 2008.

  1. Bishop

    Bishop New Member

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    This is just a conversation that I came up with. I understand there are no writing elements implemented as of yet; it is just a conversation that I am going to play around with and try to create a story with. What do you think?

    “This is a different world, Ignatius. Different rules apply. This is our reality, and left to our own devices, we could not live in harmony. This is why your ancestor was brought into this world. We needed a neutral, one strong and good of heart, and intelligent beyond his years. This is why your reputation is strong. As various races of intelligent creatures have been lying dormant in their own reality, and inactive in your own, they crave to return to their reality by using the abilities granted to them in their natural reality. You are the only man that may grant such ability to be used freely.”

    “But Ridlah, could you explain to me more why I have to give the permission? Why could they not use their own discretion?”

    “The hearts of those in this reality are not too dissimilar to the hearts of your own reality. They can grow stale, they can spoil. With such an ability, those stale hearts can lust for power, control, money… you have heard of such cravings?”

    “Yes, but why can’t the good hearts overcome the poor hearts?”

    “This is difficult to explain. This ability is measured by determination. Think of this ability as… do you watch the sport, what is it… American football?”

    “Yes, with my Grandfather.”

    “Think of an American football athlete. Think of the devotion that is involved in rising to the top of such a league of teams. This devotion can also be used in order to master certain crafts in this reality. Most good-hearted men find sufficiency in defining their skills in a certain occupation. They use this reality to make a living, this is, of course, before men ruled the land, and they would take no interest in developing other abilities. The first heart to spoil was competitive by nature. He had always wanted to be the best at everything he ever applied himself to. His heart grew cold because of it.”
    “What did he do?”
    “He murdered many. He wanted sovereignty. Whoever did not obey his every whim, those that did not submit to his will, were killed, the lot of them. This is why you must use the gift of prudence while allowing us to use our reality.”
    “Do any use magic-“
    “This English word is not correct. Magic in this reality does not exist. We use our reality. We use these abilities as you might operate a vehicle or write a letter.”
    “Sorry, do any use their reality without man’s permission?”
    “Yes.”
     
  2. Dragn9

    Dragn9 Sorcerer Supreme

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    Hmmm...seems interesting enough, I could see this developing into a story.
     
  3. Hazelnut

    Hazelnut New Member

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    It certainly got my attention. I think it would prove to be an excellent story.
     
  4. Manifest

    Manifest New Member

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    intriguing...

    Through this you have earned yourself a reply :D Enjoy and don't be to hesitant to write more.
    Sounds creative...

    i'v allready thought of 4 different whole storylines for it, with alternatives and characters.
    If I can do that... think of what others can do!! :D

    lol

    no but seriously, that sounds good.
     
  5. Brightstar

    Brightstar Fantasy Maker

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    Interesting.

    Ok, tbh, this isn't my kind of story exactly (meaning it's not the type that would suck me in and make me never want to put it down). On the other hand, I can see some real potential here.

    The concepts here are good. (IE alternate reality, chooser--boy with power to grant or deny others' right to use, etc.)

    I'm really not sure what you're asking for, but I think that to add to this "core" of a story, you need an opposition, something that's trying to bypass the chooser's right to grant or deny? ...something that was never brought under this law? ...every good piece has to have a strong villian.

    Hope that helps you some.