Funniest Moments

Discussion in 'A Song of Ice and Fire' started by Turin, Apr 25, 2006.

  1. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    I was thinking last night that GRRM has a pretty good sense of humor. Here's an example from aCoK:

    Podrick is sent to wake Bronn in the middle of the night . . .

    Tyrion "You should have dressed warmly."

    Bronn "Are we going somewhere?"

    Tyrion "Are all sell swords as smart as you?"


    Might not be the exact verbage but you get the point. What are your favorites?
     
  2. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    I've got plenty, here are three that I remember right now:

    "Let's see who's home, shall we?" Without waiting for an answer, Jaime went chinking down the dock, put a shoulder to the door, shoved it open...
    ... and found himself eye to eye with a loaded crossbow. Standing behind it was a chunky boy of fifteen. "Lion, fish, or wolf?" the lad demanded.
    "We were hoping for capon." Jaime heard his companions enternig behind him. "The crossbow is a coward's weapon."
    "It'll put a bolt through your heart all the same."
    "Perhaps. But before you can wind it again my cousin here will spill out your entrails on the floor."
    "Don't be scaring the lad, now," Ser Cleos said.
    "We mean no harm," the wench said. "And we have coin to pay for food and drink." She dug a silver piece from her pouch.
    The boy looked suspiciously at the coin, then at Jaime's manacles. "Why's this one in irons?"
    "Killed some crossbowmen," said Jaime.


    Prince Oberyn: "[...] and between your legs were a girl's privates as well as a boy's."
    Tyrion: "Life would be so much simpler if men could f*** themselves, don't you agree?"


    Jaime: "Lost your taste for battle?"
    Brienne: "They were running."
    Jaime: "That's the best time to kill them."

    Jaime and Tyrion have the best lines. :p
     
  3. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    Agreed
     
  4. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    Hehe, found another Jaime quote...

    Jaime and Qyburn in Harrenhal, when the latter is treating the former's stump:
    "[...] You will want milk of the popy-"
    "No." Jaime dare not let himself be put to sleep; he might be short an arm when he woke, no matter what the man said.
    Qyburn was taken aback. "There will be pain."
    "I'll scream."
    "A great deal of pain."
    "I'll scream very loudly."
    "Will you take some wine at least?"
    "Does the High Septon ever pray?"
    "Of that I am not certain. [...]"
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2006
  5. Renzokuken

    Renzokuken You have failed this city!

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    I laughed when Tywin bought it, and at the last line in the chapter:

    "From the stench that filled the room, it was made clear that the rumors about Lord Tywin were false.

    Tywin Lannister did not, in fact, shit gold."
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2006
  6. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    LMAO, that's a great moment too.
     
  7. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    Then of course there's my sig. Dolorous Edd talking to Jon Snow after Mormont agrees to give Craster a new axe.

    ". . . there's much to be said for a good sharp axe. I'd hate to be murdered with a maul. I saw a man hit in the brow with a maul once. Scarce split the skin at all, but his head turned mushy and swelled up big as a gourd. A comely man, but he died ugly. It's a good thing we're not giving them mauls."
     
  8. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    Good one too. Dolorous Edd's funny. :D
     
  9. Thorin

    Thorin Avatar of Darkness

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    I think one if the times I laughed the most was in A Storm Of Swords when they were fighting the wildlings.

    Pyp: "Here comes out breakfast arrows"

    I can't find the quote I was thinking of, but there is another scene where Pyp is counting the arrows in the scarecrows and he announces the leader until one of the others got hit and then he yelled something down to the wildlings only to have an arrow go by his head. He yelled again, something along the lines of "I'm not in the tournament!"
     
  10. Appaliq

    Appaliq No One

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    I love you guys for starting this thread. I can't wait to get home so I can go through some of my books. ;)
     
  11. Appaliq

    Appaliq No One

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    Most recent funny moments (from my reread of CoK):

    Ser Tanton of the red-apple Fossoways climbed onto the table and swore to slay Sandor Clegane in single combat. The vow might have been taken more solemnly if Ser Tanton had not had one foot in a gravy boat when he made it.


    "No matter which way he bounds, the lion will have him, and he knows it."
    "And you're quite certain Father is the lion?"
    Tyrion grinned. "It's on all our banners."


    And Cersei began to cry.
    Tyrion Lannister could not have been more surprised if Aegon the Conqueror himself had burst into the room, riding on a dragon and juggling lemon pies.


    "If you need help, bark like a dog."
    "That's stupid. If I need help, I'll shout help." - Arya

    Some of the creatures living in her clothes had come all the way from Flea Bottom with her; it didn't seem right to drown them." - Arya, on taking a bath
     
  12. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    LMAO, nice ones. :D
     
  13. Renzokuken

    Renzokuken You have failed this city!

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    Podrick Payne informed him Tyrion had been summoned to the Tower of the Hand. "His lordship wants to see you. The Hand. Lord Tywin."
    "I recall who the Hand is, Pod," Tyrion said. "I lost my nose, not my wits."
    Bronn laughed. "Don't bite the boy's head off, now."
    "Why not? He never uses it."
     
  14. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    Hehehe, Tyrion rocks. :D
     
  15. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    The cracks about Horror and Slobber Redwyne are funny too.
     
  16. Appaliq

    Appaliq No One

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    My all time favorite Tyrion quote...he brings the Stark's peace terms to Cersei after intercepting them and she's enraged that they didn't come to her first. "What is a Hand for if not to hand you things?"
     
  17. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    Hehehehe, I think either you or Morelen used to have that in their sig... :p
     
  18. Appaliq

    Appaliq No One

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    lol, Yeah, that was me. :D
     
  19. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    "How would you like to die Tyrion, son of Tywin?"

    "In my own bed, with a belly full of wine and a maiden's mouth around my c*ck, at the age of eighty"
     
  20. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    You need that quote again. It's great. :D