French jokes

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by edinayks, Feb 28, 2009.

  1. edinayks

    edinayks New Member

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    French Jokes

    Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?
    A: "The Axis of Weasels."

    Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?

    A. So the French can show them how to surrender.



    Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

    A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.



    Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

    A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.



    Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?

    A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

    Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
    A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

    Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
    A: Sunburned armpits.

    Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?

    A. You can make soldiers out of toast.



    Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

    A. The Army.



    Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!
     
  2. warrior_squirrel21

    warrior_squirrel21 blue is my favorite color

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    Dammit like three of those are my favorites, an I wantede to say them! Especially the last one! Aw well. Good job anyway.
     
  3. Greybeard

    Greybeard Geezer

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    I'm no great fan of the French in general, and the jokes are funny for the most part, but this is just wrong. Look up the First Battle of the Marne (1914). Admittedly, the BEF performed spectacularly - thanks to the very high standard of marksmanship in the Royal Army and the best military bolt-action rifle ever made - but without the French contribution Paris would have fallen and the war would have been unwinnable at that point.

    Then look up the Battle of Verdun (1916) and think about the 371,000 French soldiers killed, wounded and missing in an area smaller than the downtown cores of most cities.

    I have an Englishman's disdain for the French, but this is going too far.
     
  4. edinayks

    edinayks New Member

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    No offense d00d, I am aware of French military history. This is a joke board tho isnt it?
     
  5. Warlock Lord

    Warlock Lord I am a Fashion Statement

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    hahaha some were funny
     
  6. Mububban

    Mububban Administrator Staff Member

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    Personally, I believe if a brunette laughs at blond jokes, they can't then be offended at a brunette joke. If one joke offends then shouldn't they all?

    Then again my sense of humour is much more....flexible than many people's :D
     
  7. edinayks

    edinayks New Member

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  8. AlphaAlex

    AlphaAlex Official Forum Nuisance

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    What are the only type of people the french have managed to keep out of their country?
    Tourists


    When was the last good french barbecue?
    1431, and it involved Joan of Arc.


    Oh and I got a tip for you , if you install the french versions of your favorite programs, THEY RUN A LOT FASTER :p
     
  9. warrior_squirrel21

    warrior_squirrel21 blue is my favorite color

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  10. Greybeard

    Greybeard Geezer

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    As I posted above, I have a considerable disdain for the French - from their choice to cripple their own language artistically to their absurd insistence that Roquefort qualifies as blue cheese - but a lot of Frenchmen have died trying very hard during those defeats, and that deserves a certain respect. The rest of the jokes are funny (and have a bitter morsel of truth to them) but that one came a little too close for my taste.
     
  11. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    okay, i'm not going to lie. That is FUNNY.
     
  12. Jorick

    Jorick Well-Known Member

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    Just cause I had a good one on hand... Also, it's complimentary to the French. Sort of.



    It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Two lovers are sitting on a river bank. in France Marie leans over to Pierre the fighter pilot and says, "Pierre, kiss me!" He grabs a bottle of merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

    "What are you doing, Pierre?" asks the startled Marie.

    "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She smiles, and they start kissing.

    Things began to heat up. Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." He tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

    "Pierre, what are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.

    "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!" They resume their passionate interlude. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"

    Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of cognac and pours it in her lap. He strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river.

    Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms up and screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

    Pierre stands up defiantly and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"
     
  13. --ω¡ζ∂Яđ--

    --ω¡ζ∂Яđ-- Sailor of silver skies

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    :banana:
     
  14. RayCaptain

    RayCaptain 如朱

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    I like this thread...I really do!
     
  15. AmyLynn

    AmyLynn New Member

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    lmfao jorick that was a good one!
     
  16. Black Tattoo

    Black Tattoo The Corruptor

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    I love it! - ROFL -

    [​IMG]
     
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