First Published Book

Discussion in 'News & Announcements' started by DavidJae, Apr 23, 2012.

  1. DavidJae

    DavidJae New Member

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    I have just published my first eBook on Kindle, and am looking for some feedback and constructive criticism.

    Below is an extract from the first Episode, which is available for purchase from Amazon Kindle. If you like what you read and decide to purchase it, please remember to leave a review on Amazon. Also, any comments through this site will be welcome.

    Extract from Saga of the Stones Volume 1: Zin’ao Rising
    by David Jae
    Copyright 2012
    All Rights Reserved

    Lady Annissa stopped suddenly, turning in a slow circle. Cesa stopped, too, not bothering to conceal his irritation this time.
    ‘Lady Annissa, this is not a sightseeing trip. We need to keep moving.’
    Annissa turned to face him, her face tight with concern.
    ‘I do not think we are alone here.’
    ‘Don’t start getting jumpy on us, alright? There’s nothing here.’
    No sooner had he spoken than a piercing shriek cut the air, echoing from the walls and Cesa felt his heart begin to beat faster. Scourge! Without thinking, Cesa drew his pistols, moving to scan the chamber, just as figures began dropping from the ceiling. Humanoid in appearance, but larger, with long, powerful limbs, bat-like wings and heads crowned with spiny ridges, they swept down with an eerie and terrifying grace, cutting off both ends of the walkway.
    ‘Holli!’ Cesa yelled, moving to stand back to back with her. ‘Twin Point.’
    They moved to flank Annissa, Holli drawing her quarterstaff, igniting it with a faint crack, energy glowing at the tips. Cesa sighted up, but held his fire, even though he knew that he could hit them from this distance. He couldn’t afford to have them scattering. As the Scourge got closer, using their wings to advance in gliding-jumps, he could hear their war shrieks and make out their sharp claws and teeth, stained black with something he didn’t care to think about. When the first was five metres away he fired, a single shot that struck it in the head, dropping it to the ground with a cut-off scream. He resisted the temptation to snap off another shot, knowing that he’d need to keep his cool. Aiming with his other pistol, he took a careful shot that killed the second, punching through its chest. The third had closed with him now, springing over the bodies of the fallen, swinging its clawed hand round to eviscerate him. Cesa ducked under its strike, kicking it clean off the edge of the ledge. It beat its wings furiously, attempting to arrest its descent, but slammed into the next walkway with a bone-crunching thud. Cesa slapped a new cartridge into his pistol with practiced ease, aimed at the two remaining Scourge and pulled the trigger. A burning red bolt lanced out, erupting into a fireball that consumed them in a roiling maelstrom. When the glare faded away, all that was left were charred remains that he did not feel like examining too closely. Cesa scanned the chamber, checking for any more Scourge, and then turned in time to see Holli parrying a vicious swipe from the Scourge she was fighting, sweeping its feet from under it and driving her staff into its chest with a sharp crack that nearly drowned out its shriek. She stepped back, giving her staff a twirl and retracting it with a flick of her wrist, before turning to Cesa.
    ‘That looks like all of them. Are you okay?’
    ‘I’m alright. Lady Annissa, are you hurt?’
    ‘I am uninjured.’ She said, her voice sounding as prim and composed as ever.
    ‘Okay. More Scourge will be here soon, when they pick up the smell of the dead. We need to move on. Holli, take point.’ He said and they set off, with Cesa sticking close to Annissa.
    ‘Tell me something, My Lady.’ He said, keeping his voice low. ‘How did you know that those Scourge were there?’
    ‘I did not know they were. I just felt that something was wrong. Do you not get instincts like that?’
    ‘Not quite like that.’ Cesa muttered, mostly to himself.


    Thank you for reading
    Full story is available for purchase through Amazon eBooks
    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Saga-Stones...YC/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1335124016&sr=8-12
    If you liked it, please make sure to rate and review
     
  2. Eustace

    Eustace The One True Tsar

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    Greetings David! A very interesting extract, always good to see another prospective author here - good luck!
     
  3. Rumsfeld

    Rumsfeld New Member

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    David, I would love to give you criticism. But first I have to ask you. Do you want me to post it on this thread or by PM? Sorry, some people have sensitive egos and get hurt by criticism. Let me know. Thanks.

    Rumsfeld
     
  4. Syria

    Syria Entramä Sarê

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    I like it. :D