Farts are funny

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by kwlanford, Mar 7, 2013.

  1. kwlanford

    kwlanford Active Member

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    Post your funny or embarrassing fart stories here.

    Ill start off. My mom and dad were in a movie theater and my dad said he had to fart. There was ally going on at the moment so he eased it out. About that time the movie got quiet and riiiiiip. My dad said he panicked and so he looked at my mom and said "Janice!" Mom said people three rows back were saying. "That lady up there farted!" Lmao classic dad classic
     
  2. Kelmourne

    Kelmourne The Savage Hippy

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    Teacher asks a question to the class. Nobody answers, the room is dead silent.

    Then, a very precise, quiet but high-pitch "trumpet fart" snuck out of my anus. It lasted about 3 full seconds. Everyone chuckled, and a few of them bugged me about it at lunch. It was fun though.





    A friend of mine cleared half the main floor of his house with a hard-boiled-egg fart. That was absolutely terrible.
     
  3. kwlanford

    kwlanford Active Member

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    Lmao I knew others had it in them.
     
  4. Emelie

    Emelie Queen of darkness

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    Girls don't fart as we all know. Its all rainbows and flowers and unicorns and rotten eggs..


    Sorry, scratch the last part.

    My brother on the other hand is real great at sneaking them in stores..And we all know the silent one are the killers... And one day at a store I was like.. Man it smells REALLY bad in here, that old man mustve farted!!! And my brother was like *pokerface* YEAH HE MUST HAVE!.. And the smell kept coming back now and then.. And i kept commenting and he couldnt keep serious anymore.
    My mom was at a friends house helping with some cleaning, she was under a shelf doing stuff, got scared, bumped her head in the shelf over her head, then farted cause of the surprise.. We were dying after that :D hilarious!

    And I of course dont fart <.<

    >.> Much..
     
  5. kwlanford

    kwlanford Active Member

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    Hahahaha
     
  6. Mububban

    Mububban Administrator Staff Member

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    Having dinner with my girlfriend's parents when I was about 20, I needed to let one out but was afraid it'd stink up the room so I held it in. Went on too long and I thought I was going to die from the gut cramps. And her dad was just waffling on and on and on and I couldn't politely get away to go to the toilet. I started sweating it was that bad. Finally I managed to duck out to the toilet, which unfortunately was RIGHT NEXT TO THE ****ING DINING ROOM. Trying to let out a massive fart in small manageable emissions damn near killed me, but I did it.
     
  7. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    These are all hilarious. My best one is that when I was 17, a tender age for a young lass, I was making out with this guy who I was completely obsessed with. We were watching the Brave Little Toaster. He started tickling me and I farted. I wanted to die. Surely, the gods would show mercy to me.. no. The earth did not open up and swallow me as I had silently pleaded. Just laughter and relentless prodding for the rest of the night. FML.

    On the other hand, I farted in my sleep a while back and woke both my boyfriend and myself up with the noise. That was hilarious, but I denied it anyway and told him it was him.

    We were in the Secretary of State's office to get my boyfriend's license back after it was suspended because he didn't show proof of insurance in time after receiving a ticket for having expired license plates (lol, win on all accounts). Anyway, he lets out a loud, squeaky, chair fart, and this one lady thought it was hilarious. "BOY WHAT DID YOU EAT!" because he wouldn't stop farting :( His sister and I were both beat red and dying from laughter. No one else in the room thought it was funny... and he wouldn't stop.
     
  8. JNK

    JNK King of tards

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    sharts are funnier :) but might not seem so at the time... I once sharted on my lunch brake.... was able to wash my stuff, and sat the rest of the day wearing wet pants :D pretended that I went swimming instead of lunch :D luckily it was summer :)
     
  9. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    lol nice, I've never sharted in my life.
     
  10. S.J. Faerlind

    S.J. Faerlind Flashlight Shadowhunter

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    I thought this story was absolutely heroic Mub. That girl should have known then you were a keeper :D

    Always carry a slurpee cup....:D

    When I was a university student we were sitting in a physics lecture: 300 people in the lecture hall. The prof had just come in and gave us "the look" - you know the one: "shut up 'cause I'm about to start". The voices quieted and there is always a pause of about 3 seconds from when the conversation stops and the prof begins the lecture. This poor girl down in the middle of the hall leaned over at that exact moment to get something out of her backpack and one must have slipped out. One of those loud, unexpected, obnoxious ones! 300 pairs of eyes flew toward her and I thought she was going to die on the spot. Her friends were all looking away, like "I don't know you...." and then everybody started to laugh. She laughed too and her face was sooooooo red. It was epic! :)
     
  11. kwlanford

    kwlanford Active Member

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    Lmao sharts. A friend of mine was for ing out farts and laughing. The. He pushed one out and his face went blank. That surprised, embarrassed, deer in the headlights look, and stiff legged it to the bathroom. Poetic justice FTW
     
  12. Mububban

    Mububban Administrator Staff Member

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    Oh my god this is hilarious. Such a young, impressionable age, venturing out into the world of adult intimacy….and then to let one rip in front of them hahaha. Lucky we can look back and laugh.


    My 4 year old daughter sleep-farts at me ALL THE TIME!!! I check the kids every night before I go to bed, and usually have to tuck her back in because she flops around her bed like a landed fish. Every couple of weeks as I'm tucking her in - "BBRRRAAAAARRRPPP!" She lets out an absolute ripper in her sleep.
    She also thinks it's hilarious to drop huge ones at the dinner table, where her plastic booster chair acts like an arse amplifier. That's my girl.


    Hahahahahahaha
     
  13. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    I'll never forget it. It made such an impression on my mind that it's probably why I still never fart willingly in front of a significant other, despite not minding farts from other people. Though, my boyfriend will sometimes make a big to do about them and I'll just go "BILLY!" and sound astonished to make him laugh. The best is when my mom farts and it's me and her. I give her so much grief about it because she gets all huffy about it lol.

    Ah to be young lol. Up until I was about 10 years old my two (ex now) step brothers and I used to have farting competitions. We'd literally run around the house to find surfaces that amplified the farts (much like your daughter's high chair) for a better sound and funnier effect. I will never forget the look on my mother's face when I first sprinted into our kitchen, pressed my buttocks up against the refrigerator, and let a good one rip. She about died from laughing. Success lol.
     
  14. Emelie

    Emelie Queen of darkness

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    Hahahahahaahaha im dying xD
     
  15. kwlanford

    kwlanford Active Member

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    This is great anyone who reads this thread and doesn't laugh needs a enima!
     
  16. Mububban

    Mububban Administrator Staff Member

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    One of my mates in high school perfected the use of the plastic school chair as an amplifier. He figured out the perfect distance and firing angle into the curved solid plastic back of the chair to make the perfect bum trumpet. We all thought it was hilarious but of course the teachers weren't so impressed :D