Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Harrison, Jan 22, 2004.

  1. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    ROFL. I never even heard this one before. :D

    And how does my husband keep knowing I'm at Walmart... :confused:
     
  2. pigfish

    pigfish Superstar DJ!!!

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    A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her doctor.
    Doctor: "What is your dream about?"
    Blonde: "I am being chased by a vampire..."
    Doctor: "So, where are you in this dream?"
    Blonde: "I am running in a hallway."
    Doctor: "Then what happens?"
    Blonde: "Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won't budge!"
    Doctor: "Does the door have any letters on it?"
    Blonde: "Yes."
    Doctor: "And what do these letter spell?"
    Blonde: "P.. U... L... L..."
     
  3. Cheesy Goodness

    Cheesy Goodness The Fighters Guide House Member

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    A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.

    She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

    Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.

    She again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

    Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays.

    "My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

    Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself...

    "Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."
     
  4. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

    After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"

    He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

    She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
     
  5. DazaRulz

    DazaRulz The Aussie Soccer Team

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    that joke was soooooooooooooooooooooo lame man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. Renzokuken

    Renzokuken You have failed this city!

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    I love Cheesy's and Nienor's, and what are you talking about Daza? Lame jokes are funny as! :D
     
  7. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    Blonde jokes are meant to be cheap humor. Especially as they're not true. ;)


    The funniest thing is when my husband called me at Wal-mart (see Turin's joke). I tried asking him how he knew I was at Wal-mart. But he just didn't get it. And he's not even blonde. [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Matthias_Thulmann

    Matthias_Thulmann Archmage of the Elves

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    How do you drown a blonde?



    Put a mirror in the bottom of the bath!
     
  9. Oeufa

    Oeufa Cracked Egg

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    A blonde goes around houses looking for DIY work. At one house a man asks her to paint the porch. She agrees to do this for $10. The mans wife asks him why he offered so little as the porch streched the whole way around the house. He told her that the blonde wouldn't notice because she's blonde. An hour later she knocks at the door and says "I'm finished, and I had some paint left over so I gave it 2 coats" Astonished, the man hands her the $10. The blonde then says "thanks, but it's not a porche its a bmw"
     
  10. Meteorain

    Meteorain Magical & Mystical

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    Rofl...that's a good joke Nienor :p
     
  11. fallen_phoenix

    fallen_phoenix Death Knight

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    Why did the blonde stand in the thunderstorm?

    Because she thought people kept taking her photo!
     
  12. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"

    "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."

    "What sort of question?"

    "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

    The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
     
  13. Cåim

    Cåim Fallen Jedi

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    Great joke Nienor :D
     
  14. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

    The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

    The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day, we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

    The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

    The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know."

    Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now. Are you gonna be ok?"

    "No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"
     
  15. Warlock Lord

    Warlock Lord I am a Fashion Statement

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    i dont know if its alredy been said...

    2 blonds are walking along opposite of a river. they both see each other and stop to greet. one says " hello", the other replies the same. the first askes " how do you get across to the other side", the second replies, "you are on the other side".......
     
  16. Boadicea

    Boadicea Warrior Queen

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    Haha, it took me about 30 seconds to finally figure out which trip he died on, and I'm not even a blonde, lol!

    What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

    The only one with a date.
     
  17. Allessandra

    Allessandra Rock on!

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    While a man was mowing his front lawn, his blonde neighbor came out and ckecked her mailbox over ten times. Finally the man got curious, and asked her why she checked her mail box so much. she replied, "My computer keeps getting a pop up saying 'you've got mail'"
     
  18. warrior_squirrel21

    warrior_squirrel21 blue is my favorite color

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    "Let's go to the sun!" says a blonde to her boyfriend."What! We'll burn up!"He said."That's why we're going at night!" said the blonde.
     
  19. RayCaptain

    RayCaptain 如朱

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    there was a joke about a blonde and her boyfriend being frozen at a drive in movie...I think it was something like

    Two policemen found a blonde and her boyfriend frozen to death at a drive in movie...they went to see "Closed For the Winter"
     
  20. RayCaptain

    RayCaptain 如朱

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    Two blondes walk into a store...you'd think one of them would see it
     
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