Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Harrison, Jan 22, 2004.

  1. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    A blonde, brunette and a redhead, all good friends are each 3 months pregnant.

    The redhead comes out with, "I’m having a baby boy".The blonde asks, "How do you know that"

    The redhead says, "When we were having sex, I was on top"

    The brunette then says "Than I must be having a baby girl, since I was on the bottom when we were having sex"

    The blonde begins to cry uncontrollably. Both friends ask why she is so upset.

    I’m going to have puppies"
     
  2. Ancient Warrior

    Ancient Warrior ...geriatric love machine

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    What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?








    ...a hundred dollar bill :)
     
  3. elvishgal56

    elvishgal56 Aragorn 4 ever King

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    two blonde girls came upon some tracks. one blonde says they are dear tracks, and the other blonde girl said they are wolf tracks. 5 minutes later they got hit by a train

    this ones pretty ghetto
     
  4. World builder 316

    World builder 316 Ceasar of the Hobos

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    You're not setting a very good example for the young'n's... :nono:


    :devildl:
     
  5. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    You, sir, must be a blonde. Who else comes by and reminds me of something I said well over a year ago. :rolleyes:


    Since when did it become my job to be a good example? I don't recall being elected the morality police.
     
  6. Meteorain

    Meteorain Magical & Mystical

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    A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are applying for a job.
    The interviewer then decides that he'll ask them to take a simple test.

    When the red-head walks in, he tells her this, and asks her, "How many d's in Indiana Jones?". So the red-head quickly replies one.

    When it's the red-heads, turn, she counts off the letter on her finger's, and replies, "One".

    Now when the blonde walks in, and when she is asked the question, she replies, "7423". When the interviewer asked how she came to that answer, she replied, "De dede deee, de dee dee...." (imagine Indy Jones theme tune)

    rofl....what a poor joke XD
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2005
  7. Meteorain

    Meteorain Magical & Mystical

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    Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
    A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
     
  8. Woodrendal

    Woodrendal Extra-Ordinary Wizard

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    Okay, There are 99 blondes and 1 brunette hanging of a cliff. one of them has to let go so the other 99 can get back up again.
    Tha brunette volenteers and the blondes all start clapping.
     
  9. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    Hmm
     

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  10. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    A man sitting next to a beautiful blonde on a plane looked over to see her seemingly in shock from the headline in the newspaper she was holding, which
    read: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed in Riots." She turned toward him and with trembling voice asked "How many is a brazilian?"
     
  11. jake1964

    jake1964 Old enough to be your dad

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    A blonde decides to do something wild that she
    hasn't done before --
    rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the
    video store and after
    looking around for a while, selects a title that
    sounds very
    stimulating.

    She drives home, lights some candles, slips into
    something comfortable,
    and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment,
    there's nothing
    but static on the screen, so she calls the video
    store to complain.

    The blonde says, "I just rented an adult movie from
    you, and there's
    nothing on the tape but static."

    The store clerk replies, "Sorry about that. We've
    had problems with
    some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

    The blonde says, "It's called Head Cleaner."
     
  12. Cheesy Goodness

    Cheesy Goodness The Fighters Guide House Member

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    haha...they did that on Bob and Tom...Mr. OBvious if i'm not mistaken :p
     
  13. Dragn9

    Dragn9 Sorcerer Supreme

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    That was a good one Jake...My brother sent me this one...watch the video...it's hilarious...

    Blonde Star
     
  14. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    It's not too often that you hear a joke about blond guys...

    Two blonde guys were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

    They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

    An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

    The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."
     
  15. Adina

    Adina <img src=http://www.thefantasyforum.com/images/nub

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    Nice Turin *snicker* 'bout time we heard about the guys :p
     
  16. AcrobaticHippo

    AcrobaticHippo Determined

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    OMG that's so hilarious! :D lol
     
  17. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    BLONDE COOKBOOK!

    MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I
    made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs
    separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan
    me some extra bowls.

    TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper.
    The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't
    dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend
    home for supper.

    WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe
    said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It
    seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I
    can't say it improved the rice any.

    THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I
    tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay
    on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom
    asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

    FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies.
    It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.
    There must have been something wrong with this
    recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as
    when I left.

    SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and
    brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for
    Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting
    to ten.

    SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted
    to serve roast but all I had was hamburger.
    Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the
    hamburger in the oven and set the controls for
    roast. It still came out hamburger,much to
    my disappointment.

    GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very
    exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I
    can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom
    int! o buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise
    him with chocolate moose.
     
  18. Athena

    Athena New Member

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    Blonde: Can I Please Buy That Microwave?
    Shopkeeper: No I Don't Serve Blondes
    So The Blonde Goes And Dyes Her Hair Black And Goes Back To The Shop.
    Blonde:Can I Please Buy That Microwave?
    Shopkeeper:No I Don't Serve Blondes.
    So The Blonde Goes And Dyes Her Hair Purple And Goes Back To The Shop.
    Blonde: Can I Please Buy That Microwave?
    Shopkeeper: No I Don't Serve Blondes.
    Blonde: How Do You Know I'm A Blonde??
    Shopkeeper: Because That's A Television.
     
  19. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    Amy, a blonde Texas city girl, marries a Texas rancher.
    One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to
    Amy,
    "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn.
    You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"
    So the rancher leaves for the fields.
    After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the
    front door.
    Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."
    Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another
    ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me, Little Lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
    "That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very
    confidently.
    Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
    She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says:
    "I guess it's to hang your pants on..."
     
  20. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
    They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

    ***************
    Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
    She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese.

    ***************

    Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
    There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

    *****************

    A blonde was driving and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

    He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

    So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

    Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

    The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

    The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

    ****************

    A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

    The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a
    hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

    As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

    "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

    "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

    ****************

    A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

    The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

    "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

    Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked.

    "Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

    Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

    The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".


    ***************


    This has to be one of the best blonde jokes around.
    This should make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD:

    A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

    Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

    The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "How do you like your new phone?"

    Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand..."

    "What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

    "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
     
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