Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Harrison, Jan 22, 2004.

  1. Harrison

    Harrison The Best Beatle

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    No offense to you blondies, heck, I'm kind of blonde, kind of.

    A blonde girl suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She becomes so mad that she goes out and buys a gun. Upon arriving at her boyfriend's house she finds him in the arms of another girl. Angry, she points the gun towards him, but soon she becomes very sad and points the gun to her own head. The boyfriend screams, "Don't do it!", so she says, "shut up you're next!"
     
  2. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches
    up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck,
    and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window,
    and she says "Hi, my name is "CONNIE" and you are
    losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and
    proceeds down the street.

    When the truck stops for another red light, the girl
    catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up
    and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the
    window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says
    brightly, "Hi my name is "CONNIE" , and you are losing
    some of your load!"
    Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and
    continues down the street.

    At the third red light, the same thing happens
    again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her
    car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker
    lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is
    "CONNIE", and you are losing some of your load!"

    When the light turns green the trucker revs up and
    races to the next light. When he stops this time, he
    hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the
    blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it,
    he says... Hi my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin, and
    I'm driving the damn SALT TRUCK!
     
  3. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    Norman and his wife live in Calgary.
    One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer
    say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow today. You
    must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the
    snowplow can get through."
    Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
    A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says,
    "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimeters of snow today. You must park
    your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get
    through."
    Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are
    having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting
    12
    to 14 centimeters of snow today. You must park..........." then the
    electric power goes out.
    Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she
    says,
    "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to
    park on so the plow can get through?"
    With the love and understanding in his voice like all of us men who are
    married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says,
    "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
     
  4. aaron.j.cypher

    aaron.j.cypher Aaron, King of the Flakes

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    This is kind of an old one so bear with me.
    A blonde goes into a doctors office with 2 giant burn marks on either side of her face. The doctor asks her what happened and she replies, "Well, I was ironing when I heard the phone ring, so I accidentally put the iron up to my ear." The doctor, looking puzzled, asks, "Ok, then how did you get the burn mark on the other side of your face?" She looks at him and says, "They called back."
     
  5. aaron.j.cypher

    aaron.j.cypher Aaron, King of the Flakes

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    One day, a blonde's husband comes home from work and finds his wife looking very hard at a frozen can of orange juice and asks her what she is doing. She replies, "The can said concentrate."
     
  6. jake1964

    jake1964 Old enough to be your dad

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    In an office full of blonde secretaries, how do you tell which one is a natural blonde?

    She's the one with a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pen.
     
  7. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    One day, a blonde, brunette and red-head had a competition to see who could find the hardest word in the dictionary

    The brunette found dizziness
    The red-head found photosynthesis
    The blonde found penis.
     
  8. Ancient Warrior

    Ancient Warrior ...geriatric love machine

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    What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

    Locking the car door.
     
  9. Ancient Warrior

    Ancient Warrior ...geriatric love machine

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  10. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
    deodorant.

    The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell
    rectum deodorant, and never have.

    Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the
    stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

    "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any"

    'But I always buy it here," says the blonde.

    "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist

    "YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."

    She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks
    at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm
    deodorant"
     
  11. Ancient Warrior

    Ancient Warrior ...geriatric love machine

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  12. jake1964

    jake1964 Old enough to be your dad

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    The blonde says, " No. Read it. It says, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."."
     
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2004
  13. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    sorry, my copy and paste was incomplete. :D
     
  14. jake1964

    jake1964 Old enough to be your dad

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    No biggie, glad to help. :)
     
  15. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    Hey!!! That's not a joke. :321: :321: :321:
     
  16. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    I think he meant to imply that you use Rectal Deodorant. Or need it!! :eek:
     
  17. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,

    "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."

    "Why is that," the host asked?

    Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ...anyone can!"
     
  18. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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  19. Vazkoloth

    Vazkoloth Elven Warrior/Vampire

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  20. Vazkoloth

    Vazkoloth Elven Warrior/Vampire

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    lol
     
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