Dumb Blonde Jokes - Rated G

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Nienor, Aug 9, 2003.

  1. Flower_Fairy

    Flower_Fairy Fairy

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    Two blondes are walking in the woods, and they come across some tracks. The first blonde says they're wolf tracks. The second one argues they're deer tracks. Ten minutes later, they get hit by a train.
     
  2. Anduril

    Anduril Flame of the West

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    Drat. I was going to tell that. Oh well.

    A blonde walks by a train bridge overlooking a river and sees a red head on the rails doing jumping jacks yelling, "21, 21, 21, 21, 21, 21,..." The blonde soon gets up on the rails and starts doing the same thing. Soon a train comes. The red head moves to the side while the blonde gets knocked off the bridge into the river. The red head gets back up on the rails and continues, "22, 22, 22, 22, 22,..."
     
  3. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    Thats the same as another joke ive heard, in mine it's with a hole in the fence and getting poked in the eye.
     
  4. Anduril

    Anduril Flame of the West

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    Yeah. I heard that one too. But I did the railroad since the hole in the fence seems like it could happen to a lot of people I know who aren't blonde.
     
  5. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    true, but you could change it to a wire fence, then it would be a perfect blonde joke.
     
  6. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone.

    He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

    The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

    Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."!


    "What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.


    "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
     
  7. Anduril

    Anduril Flame of the West

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    That's a good one.
     
  8. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

    The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

    "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

    The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
     
  9. Jessehk

    Jessehk The introverted

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    Thats great. It is the best Dumb Blonde joke I've ever heard :D :D
     
  10. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    heh, these are Nikki's real life experiences. :D
     
  11. Marche2

    Marche2 Master Assain/ninja

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    Here's one! Why cann't a blond dial 9-1-1?
    She cann't find the 11 on the phone.
     
  12. LadyoftheGoldenWood

    LadyoftheGoldenWood Well-Known Member

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    lol thows are all ssoo cool!!!!!
     
  13. jake1964

    jake1964 Old enough to be your dad

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    A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains." The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blond seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs. The blond promptly replies, "fifteen inches." "Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blond tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"

    The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo ... I've got Windoooooows!"
     
  14. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    I have a loffly blue set on my computer. :D
     
  15. Bard

    Bard Erchamion

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    a blond was trying to kill herself and some random guy drives up in his car and sees that the cord is on her waist so he says "you might want to put it around your neck."
    the blond replied "I tried that but I couldn't breath"
     
  16. Jessehk

    Jessehk The introverted

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    hehe
     
  17. Aris Boch

    Aris Boch Bounty Hunter

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    an old one but still funny:

    Two blondes walk into a building. you'd think one of them might have seen it.
     
  18. Turin

    Turin Valar Morghulis

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    I decided that I needed a few days off and I realized that I ran out
    of vacation time already. I figured the best way to get the boss to

    send me home was to act a little crazy. I figured he'd think I was

    burning out and give me some time off. I came in to work early the

    other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then

    one of my coworkers (she's blonde... it'll be important later) came

    in and asked me what I was doing.



    "Shhh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm a light

    bulb."



    A second later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.

    "I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.





    "You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."



    With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My coworker

    started following me and the Boss asked where she was going.



    "I can't work in the dark," she said.
     
  19. Sorcha

    Sorcha Moderator Staff Member

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    This is one of my faves. Hope it hasn't been posted already:

    A blonde was driving down the highway, in a nice red sports car, when it started to break down in the middle of the road.

    But she didn't panic, she knew exactly what to do. She pulled off to the side of the road and called the highway patrol.

    Well, as the police drove up, they saw the blonde open the trunk, and two men stepped out in trench coats. They position themselves behind the tail lights of the car and open their trenchcoats, under which they are completely nude.

    The highway patrol are a little shocked and ask the blonde "Why were these naked men in your trunk?"

    She replied "Oh, those? Those are my emergency flashers."


    :D
     
  20. Boromir Of Gondor

    Boromir Of Gondor Aragorn was a

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    hehehe, good one Sorcha.

    I heard this joke a long time ago, and I thought it was amusing:

    A Blonde was standing in front of a Can-dispensing machine, and she put $1 in and a can came out. Then she put another $1 in and another can came out. She repeatedly did this until somebody asked her what she was doing. She then said "Quiet, don't give me bad luck; I'm winning"...
     
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