Dumb Blonde Jokes - Rated G

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Nienor, Aug 9, 2003.

  1. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    Being a dumb blonde myself, I adore dumb blonde jokes. :D
    I hope some other people on the forum have jokes to share. (keep them rated G please)

    Here's a few to start

    Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container?
    Because it said concentrate.

    How do you know if a blonde has sent you a fax?
    There's a stamp on it.

    How do you know if a blonde has been using your computer?
    There's white-out on the screen.

    How do you know if a second blonde has been using your computer?
    Someone wrote on the white-out.

    How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Just one. She stands still and the whole world revolved around her.
     
  2. Skyanide

    Skyanide The Big Meanie Staff Member

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    Ok, I got one...

    How do you keep a dumb blonde in suspense?
     
  3. Strider

    Strider Eccentric

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    how?

    ________________________

    There is a blonde on a plane to New York. She is sitting in the first class section, but her ticket says that she should be in the coach section. A flight attendant realizes the blonde's mistake and asks her politely to move. The blonde won't move. All she says is, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."

    The flight attendant goes and tells all of the other flight attendants. They all try to persuade the blonde to move, but she won't move. All she says is, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."

    The flight attendants go and tell the pilot about the obnoxious blonde. They tell him the only thing that she says. He puts the plane on auto-pilot and whispers something in the blonde's ear.

    Immediately, she gets up and moves to her normal seat. Then the pilot goes back to fly the plane. The flight attendants are all very curious about how the pilot made the blonde move so quickly.

    They ask him and he says, "Oh, it was easy. All I had to do was tell her that the first class section wasn't going to New York!"
     
  4. Skyanide

    Skyanide The Big Meanie Staff Member

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    Hehe:D
     
  5. Strider

    Strider Eccentric

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    oooo hehe I get it :D Almost fell for it a second time.
     
  6. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    Awwwww..... I thought I was the only dumb blonde around here. Good thing I didn't fall for it. hehe

    What do you call 10 blondes sitting together ear to ear?
    A wind tunnel.
     
  7. Strider

    Strider Eccentric

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    Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

    About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."

    The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

    Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

    Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes".
     
  8. waenlotien

    waenlotien Healer/ Magicuser

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    Big Red Truck

    LOL that was a good one...
    ok, here goes mine...

    One day a blonde was cooking dinner, her kitchen caught on fire. She grabbed her cordless phone and ran outside. She immediately called the fire department. They asked her how to get there... she said:

    DUH!! BIG RED TRUCK!
     
  9. Strider

    Strider Eccentric

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    LOL haha that was good :D

    WRONG WAY WARNING

    A blonde was driving down the motorway when her car phone rang. It was her husband, urgently warning her, "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!"

    "It's not just one car!" said the blonde.
    "There's hundreds of them!"
     
  10. Crusader

    Crusader Disturber of the Peace

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    a blonde and a brunette are watching the six oclock news, on it is a crazy woman about to jump off a tall building.

    the brunette says to the blonde "i'll bet you 50 that she jumps"

    the blonde agrees and they watch intently to see what happens, eventually the woman jumps off the building and dies.

    the blonde gets out the money and hands it to the brunette, but the brunette doesnt take it and says:
    "no i cant take that, i saw the same thing on the 12 oclock news and i dont feel right about decieving you"

    the blonde replies:
    "its alright i wached it too, but i didnt think the woman was stupid enough to do it again."

    -----------------

    a blonde, a brunette and a redhed a being held captive in the middle east under suspicion of being spies. they are one by one lined up in front of a firing squad for execution.

    the brunette is put up and the men take aim.
    she suddenly shouts "TIDAL WAVE!"
    the guards turn to look and the brunette escapes while theyre not looking.

    the redhed is put up and the men take aim.
    she suddenly shouts "TORNADO"
    and once again she escapes while the guards are bewildered

    the blonde is brought up and the men take aim.
    she suddenly shouts "FIRE"
     
  11. Strider

    Strider Eccentric

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    There is said to be a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If you stand in front of this mirror and tell the truth, you are granted a wish. However, if you tell a lie, POOF! you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

    A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." POOF! The mirror swallows her.

    Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! POOF! The mirror swallows her.

    Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." POOF! She is swallowed up and is never seen again.
     
  12. Tilandrea

    Tilandrea the scientist

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    how do you drown a dumb blonde?

    put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool

    :D
     
  13. Anduril

    Anduril Flame of the West

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    Three blondes are following some tracks. One says its cow tracks, one says its deer tracks, and the last says its moose tracks then a train goes by.
     
  14. Anduril

    Anduril Flame of the West

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    By the way, great jokes everyone, especially Strider's.

    How do you get a one handed blonde out of a tree? Wave.
     
  15. Strider

    Strider Eccentric

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    LOL!

    ________________________

    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

    He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."

    Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little guy on your knee!"
     
  16. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
    Run like hell, she has a grenade in her mouth!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
    There have actually been sightings of Bigfoot.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
    You can park in the handicapped spots.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday?
    Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her that she's pregnant.
    Is it mine?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Why are blondes only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks?
    It takes too long to retrain them if they take an hour.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    What's the similarity between a blonde and a dog's turd?
    The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle?
    Shine a flashlight into her ear...
     
  17. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    :rolleyes:
     

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  18. Arwen

    Arwen Well-Known Member

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    Your car, Nik? ;)
     
  19. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    Of course :banana:
     
  20. Anduril

    Anduril Flame of the West

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    What can I say? Clever... I don't think even the police would get mad at that.
     
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