Dragon Spindle (Prologue)

Discussion in 'The Scribe's House' started by Jeznasty, Jul 11, 2016.

  1. Jeznasty

    Jeznasty New Member

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    JeznastyNew Member
    The skies drew darker as the twilight thickened into a night of dark deeds.
    Are we ready? Said the black dragon in mind speech.
    “Yes my lord, all is in order, we can proceed when you are ready.” Said a hooded dark figure with a hissed low voice like grinding glass.
    How many do we have? Said the black dragon.
    “We have twenty humans, six Orc's and four elves’, one of which is a power user.” Said the dark figure.
    Let's begin Prince Xander, bring your mages up with the prisoners and let's begin the ritual, I am keen to see if my bargain with the ancient one has been fruitful. Beimouth the black dragon said.
    Xander signalled to the outer dark robed and hooded figures, after a few seconds they brought in beaten and dirty humans along with other races including Orc's and elf’s, one human was dragged whimpering to a dark coloured alter, in front of the black dragon and tied to it.
    “Bring me the soul reaper.” Hissed Xander.
    The soul reaper was a device that had been given to the black dragon by an ancient being of supreme evil, it had been made with instruction from another realm, but with specific spells and evil enchantments.
    A mage approached the alter with the odd looking golden device, it looked like large pinchers, they had writing on them inlayed with silver and it almost glowed with a purple haze.
    The hooded Mage handed it to Xander, he then bowed at the evil black dragon.
    Beimouth moved forward and crouched his head in front of the human on the alter.
    Xander moved up to the alter and raised the soul reaper over the tied human, who had eyes wide in terror.
    He then stabbed the soul reaper down and into the stomach of the human, he bucked and writhed in shear agony as a purple bulb of energy grew on the end of the device.
    Then the bolt grew into a huge bulge of purple energy, then it exploded out as fork lightning and engulfed the black dragon , he reared his head up as the electric charge danced over his body , the human on the alter seamed to wither and shrink as its life force ebbed away, guided through the device and into the evil black dragon to bolster his power, increasing his essence in unnaturally stolen and ripped arcane ways , the human body let out a sound of absolute terror, as it finally paled and turned into a husk devoid of any essence , it was just a dry shell and finally it turned to dust, as any evidence of its life was erased from the history of the multiverse.
    Beimouth opened his mouth and roared with pleasure at the feeling of extreme power he felt erupt in his body. The life energy seemed to have made the creature bigger slightly and it made him glow with evil intent, his eyes even danced with purple fire.
    Bring the others, NOW! He bellowed.
    One by one the disciples of this evil dragon brought him fresh life energies in the form of all the prisoners, all the humans first, then the Orc's who had a stronger life force, then the elf’s who had the strongest.
    After the soul dancing rituals wherecomplete the evil black dragon exhumed power, which was unnatural and terrifying in pure menace, it shouted to the world that this being would do anything to gain power, no matter the cost to its soul, or the cost to the realm, asevery time this was allowed to happen, it would strengthen all evil intent in the world, shrunken in its entirety from the ritual that was totally against life.
    I want more, bring me every prisoner we capture, I want the life force of all who stand against us. Demanded the black dragon.
    “Yes my lord, I will do all you ask, for you are our Lord and master.” Said Xander.
    I want Upotimere brought up here, let's see if it works on a Dragon! Said Beimouth.
    Xander looked shocked and trembled slightly, as killing a dragon was always a big thing and he had not thought his lord would ever do this, on his own kind, but it just showed how evil this creature had become now.
    Xander now had to make a decision as if he did this and went through with the black dragons plans and demands, he would be choosing himself a life of evil that there could be no escape from, this was his moment and it would dictate his future and the fate of his soul.
    He made his choice then without hesitation, as he knew that he would be more powerful than this dragon one day, even if it cost him his soul.

    Prince Xander led the green dragon up to the hall, in which they had set up the alter, the green dragon looked beaten and could hardly walk, he wore silver chains that glowed with red energies, these chains where magic and bonded the green dragon, so he could not fly or use any magic as they sapped his strength and made him weak.
    Ah, Upotimere, there you are. I want you to be the first of our kind to be used by the soul reaper, I will take your energies and burn them into my enemies, which are your brothers, how fitting an end it will be as I take their souls too. Said Beimouth with evil laughter.
    You may do, what you wish to do to me Beimouth, I will not fight or shy away from your evil, you will be defeated one day, as evil cannot win in the end, do what you will but know this, our kind will not rest until you are utterly destroyed. Upotimere said with steely resolve in mind speech.
    Prepare him! Shouted Beimouth angrily.
    “Yes, my lord, at once.” Said Prince Xander.

    The green dragon was taken to the side of the alter, as he was too big to fit on it.
    Xander came up to the side where he was standing, in-between Beimouth and Upotimere.
    He pushed the soul reaper deep into the stomach of the green dragon with force, but the device slid in perfectly easily and through the dragons armoured scales, which surprised Xander, but then this was a device of extreme evil, so it must have special magic to make it sharp to anything even dragon armour.
    The purple energies started to build, as in the other victims that had gone before, but this time the energy ball that was at the end of the device grew and grew and grew, until it exploded out at the black dragon and it also hit Xander too.
    Both creatures bucked and jolted as the huge life force from a dragon entered the two bodies, one human and one dragon, this power built for ten times as long as the smaller victims, but the results where the same to the green dragon. Upotimere started to whither and shrink like he was being dried up, his life energies where being sucked from him and there were painful screams from his tortured soul which now erupted in a last echo in the hall before he turned to dust.
    Both Xander and Beimouth had purple electricity dancing over their bodies, they slowly rode it until it dissipated and they then composed themselves.
    I see you took power too, well it's a gift from me Prince Xander, it is wise for you to take some power too as you will serve me better, if your stronger. But only take what I offer as if you become greedy, I will decimate you and take all I have given back. I will dance with your soul too, so enjoy, but don't become complacent, prince. Said the evil black dragon.
    “Your too kind, my lord, thank you for your gifts, I am deeply humbled and will serve you always, my lord.” Prince Xander said bowing deeply.
    The prince Mage left the hall and as he walked away he grinned, as he felt the huge power causing through his now disfigured body, he knew his soul was forever damaged now, but if this power was a result of it he did not care about his soul, as it was beyond his knowledge to know that every time he performed this ritual on himself, it would destroy a part of him and forever turn him into a pawn of the evil that called to him from the darkest pits of the abyss and across time.

    A great many years later…………….

    A flash of light caught the eye of the great red dragon as he looked around. He saw a dark smudge in the distance, then sunlight glistened as light reflected off of black scales. This was the moment he had been waiting for, this was the reason he had been born—to have this one moment of pure madness, of pure aggression, of pure magic.
    The red dragon jumped up and pulled his massive red wings down and soared up into the air. His mind raced with the teachings of aerial acrobatics and spells he could use to increase his chances of winning. He would win. He had to win, he thought, as If he lost this battle, the darkness would be final and forever.
    As the distance closed between them he fought down his panic, his terror. He tried to calm his mind but the closer he got to the giant black dragon the more he was amazed by its size. He was huge and there was a trail of smoke and haze that followed the beast like a cloak of darkness. This creature was pure evil and it oozed from him like a fungus.
    Fingara! roared the giant black dragon.
    Beimouth! growled the red.
    Why don’t you fly away into the abyss with all your friends or are you waiting for me to take your soul for a dance like all the others ? laughed the black dragon.
    Fingara bared his teeth and hissed. I will never run from an abomination like you! Your body will rot in the darkest pits of hell. If I lose today, you will be cursed to be the last of your kind. You will be in despair for eternity on your own. But should I prevail, you will be vanquished entirely. So only darkness will be your friend either way.
    Beimouth now bared his teeth and the sight sent shivers down Fingara's spine. Flesh from creatures unrecognisable was stuck in his teeth. The sight was so appalling it pushed the red dragon into a frenzy. He opened his mouth and from it came a deep sucking sound just before red hot molten lava poured out from the depths of his lungs. The red hot stream hit Beimouth on the right foreleg and he roared in pain just before spiralling up into the clouds and disappearing from sight.
    Fingara grinned with pleasure, but he knew it was not a killing blow. There would be permanent damage from the injury, but it was not life threatening. Before Fingara could think beyond this the black dragon came hurtling down through the clouds with tremendous speed, gaining more every second. But this was the little red dragon’s specialty: flight was what red dragons were best at. They had different tails than most dragons, with the end opening up into a double flap rather than the long flat tail of other dragons. Fingara used it now and fanned it out quicker than a flick of a whip, moving easily to the side as the black dragon flew past. As he did so, he flicked his front claw out gashing Beimouth’s face and side as he slid past. It was a deep gash and Fingara could see dark green dragon blood oozing out.
    Beimouth roared again and this time Fingara could see his eyes were wide with fury. The black dragon was now flying in a wide arc, coming back around at Fingara. When he got close he glide tilted his wings up and lifted his neck. Fingara knew what was coming and dove down, but Beimouth was ready for him and he unleashed his trick, a black smoking sludge that burned like acid. It caught Fingara on the edge of his right wing and down his right hind leg.
    Fingara now dove towards the ground, as he knew it was his only chance. A league away he could see a lake and he raced for it at top speed, ignoring the burning on his right side. It was agonising but he held on. The water grew so near he could almost touch it, but then a shadow appeared overhead. He ducked just in time as a huge claw grabbed where his head had been moments before. Then he dove into the water with a huge splash.
    Beimouth circled overhead, waiting for the red dragon to emerge. He waited and waited, but nothing happened. Beimouth laughed. You drowned yourself you stupid, pathetic, little dragon.
    He circled for a few more minutes and then started to turn towards the shore. Just then the red dragon burst out of the water and sunk his teeth deep into the black’s neck.
    Beimouth could see the damage on the red dragon as he hung underneath him. One wing was almost gone and the back leg was scored down to the bone. He knew this was an all or nothing gamble—the red was dying and this was his last struggle. He just had to keep flying and he would win. But Beimouth was slipping closer and closer to the water—he just couldn’t handle the dead weight of the red and himself together.
    Fingara knew he was going to die, whatever happened here and now, but he must take Beimouth with him or there would be darkness forever in the world he loved. Beimouth strained to shake the red, but Fingara had bitten deep into his neck, clawed into his chest and dug down deep into flesh. As he dropped closer and closer to the water, Beimouth suddenly realised he could neither get the red off nor keep his flight. He dug his front claws into Fingara and tore chunks of flesh away. Then he tore the other wing straight out of the socket with his front claw. The red dragon started to go limp.
    He was going to be ok.
    But then Fingara bit into his neck again, just under his chin. Everything darkened for Beimouth. He stopped flapping and they began to fall.
    Beimouth said in mind speech to Fingara. We fall into the Abyss together my brother, as we are the last of our kind. Their eyes met and Fingara replied, No, my brother. There are eggs still left in the care of the immortal, for a day when they will re-build.
    Beimouth’s eyes went wide and he knew he had been beaten. They both hit the water and sunk deep into the bottomless lake.

    On the shore a purple-robed figure sat on a pure white horse watching the battle. He waited by the shore for the rest of the day watching the lake. Twilight started to pull in and still no ripple could be seen on the lake. The figure shed a tear for the red dragon saying softly, "Good bye my old friend. The world will know of your sacrifice here and it is in forever debt to you and your brethren.”
    He then patted the white horse lightly and said in a calm voice, "Onwards, Nesseel." The horse nodded and turned then started walking off into the twilight night.

    .............................
    Ningazia Balance Series (Six books)

    Full book is available at Amazon,iBooks,Kindle,Barnes and Noble , Nook and Waterstones

    Second book Dragon Legacy will be released around Christmas 2016 .

    Please let my know your thoughts and feedback , so far it's all been really positive .

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    Ningazia Balance book series
     

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  2. Druid of Lûhn

    Druid of Lûhn The Little Lamb.

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    I didn't quite read through the whole thing, but have some suggestions on style. First I would like to mention that the story is interesting from the start; I want to know what Beimouth and Prince Xander are doing with the sacrifices, especially why they need these ancient artefacts.

    Dialogue:
    • Try to vary your dialogue connections: you almost exclusively use “said”, when you could use “replied”, “hissed” (in this case you actually use “hissed” as an adjective), “growled”, etc,
    • Make sure that dialogue is surrounded by quotes “ and ”; there is definitely a part near the beginning that isn't,
    • If you are following a part of dialogue by “he said” or “hissed the dragon” or anything, consider ending the dialogue part with a comma “,” instead of a full stop “.”.
    Plurals: you have used possessives instead of plurals, such as “elf's” instead of “elves”, “orc's” instead of “orcs”, etc.

    Sentence structure: try varying it; for example, change “Then the bolt grew into a huge bulge of purple energy, then it exploded out […]” to “The bolt then grew into a huge bulge of purple energy and exploded out […]”, or if the growing is meant to take time, try “The bolt was growing into a large bulge of purple energy, then suddenly it exploded outwards […]”

    Although the story in interesting, some of these shortcomings of style make it quite hard to read. I hope this helps and good luck with your series!

    EDIT: I love the map!
     
  3. Jeznasty

    Jeznasty New Member

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    Thanks . The part not in " " are actually in mind speech which is why I have not put quotes in . I could not add the different styles in this forum for some reason so it should of looked like this :

    The pics are taken from the Ebook and is the same in the hard back and paper back . Sales have been excellent so far .

    Any comments are taken on board and many thanks: :)
     

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  4. Druid of Lûhn

    Druid of Lûhn The Little Lamb.

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    That makes sense, I may have realised it when I read it, then forgot it when I got to writing the comments.
     
  5. Jeznasty

    Jeznasty New Member

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    Thanks
     
  6. JNC

    JNC New Member

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    Dragons! And what's more, an evil black dragon! I read your story, and I liked it,
    so if you want I can share your book's links on my site and social networks.
     
  7. Miodrag98

    Miodrag98 Stay well!

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    Great one!
    Can you tell me how did you drew your map?