Descent...

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by I. R. Shogun, Aug 15, 2006.

  1. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Last edited: Nov 22, 2011
  2. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Last edited: Nov 22, 2011
  3. Unien

    Unien New Member

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    Good. Again, I've said this to many other people, the story is easy to read, but grammar requires you to make a new paragraph every time a new person talks. This ould help decrease confusion when three people are talking all in the same paragraph. Another thing, I think you are using the word "he" too much, and sometimes I'm confused when two people are talking, and it says "He said". Otherwise, I am intrigued, and want to know who the hell those people were...I haven't read it all yet so I might have missed who they are. Anyway, I hope I can get you to write for me, Shogun.
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2006
  4. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Yeah, the "he" thing is mostly because I don't want to give the protagonist a deffinate name. He'll have one in the next leg of the story. As for grammar, I do usually have a problem with that, but thanks for the tip, I'll keep that in mind. And you didn't miss who they are, all I did was give their names so far. Next update will probably be next week, or the weekend.
     
  5. Unien

    Unien New Member

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    Okay. Can't wait!
     
  6. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Last edited: Nov 22, 2011
  7. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    Great job so far.
     
  8. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Last edited: Nov 22, 2011
  9. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    Still good. Michael kind of sounds like Michael Myers from Halloween. You know like how he killed his sister.
     
  10. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    I guess that's kind of true, I hadn't realised that, crazy. I wasn't really satisfyed with the way the fight with Michael turned out though, I guess that comes from the fact that it was a no-finesse, bare knuckle brawl rather than a martial arts duel. I did get to develop Michael a bit and I liked the way his character turned out. I'll get the next part up soon
     
  11. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I personally like your character Michael than Michael Myers :)
     
  12. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    well, I'm about done with the next chapter. It may be up by tomarrow, but more likely it'll be posted Thursday
     
  13. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    Okay, can't wait.
     
  14. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Last edited: Nov 22, 2011
  15. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    Great update. It was worth the wait. ‘Snow White Polar Bear McPancake.’ That's really funny, I like it. Keep it coming.
     
  16. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Last edited: Nov 22, 2011
  17. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    Another great update.
     
  18. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    I'm really happy with the way this part turned out, hopefully the second part of the encounter with Morrigan will turn out right, the fight with Tony shouldn't be hard to do up nice and well
     
  19. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Last edited: Nov 22, 2011
  20. BBallForLife

    BBallForLife New Member

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    The message was pretty funny. Another great update.