chuck norris jokes

Discussion in 'Joke Board' started by Kenshin, Jun 8, 2007.

  1. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    leading causes for death in the U.S
    1.Chuck Norris
    2.Chuck Norris
    3.Chuck Norris






    anyone got any better ones?
     
  2. charlie6078

    charlie6078 rawr

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    Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

    Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

    Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
    :D
     
  3. Wizard27

    Wizard27 Ol' Fartsy Said So!

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    THE TOP TEN CHUCK NORRIS FACTS:
    01. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
    02. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
    03. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
    04. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
    05. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    06. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
    07. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
    08. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
    09. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
    10. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
     
  4. RayCaptain

    RayCaptain 如朱

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    SCIENTIST HAVE FIGURED OUT HOW THE UNIVERSE WAS CREATED!!! Chuck Norris gave a roundhouse kick at Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee blocked it and thus the Big Bang was created.
     
  5. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    chuck norris doesnt get wet, water gets chuck norris
     
  6. Sir_Athos105

    Sir_Athos105 Bladesmaster of Andor

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    noah was the only one warned before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic ocean
     
  7. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    ahahahahahahahahhaaaaa
     
  8. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    Walker Texas Ranger aired for the first time in France recently. The country immediately surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
     
  9. Hotpockets

    Hotpockets New Member

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    1.) Human cloning is illegal because then it would be possible for 2 chucknorris roundhouse kicks to come into contact with each other. Scientists theorize this would bring the end of the world.

    2.) A chucknorris roundhouse kick once broke the time-space continuum and killed Amelia Earheart as she was flying over the pacific

    3) Chuck Norris lives in the Bermuda Triangle.

    4.) Chuck Norris once visitied the Virgin Islands. Now they're just called The Islands.

    5.) Chuck Norris actually died 20 years ago. Death is just too afraid to tell him.
     
  10. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    haha nice ones
     
  11. Lady Galeth

    Lady Galeth Member

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    when Chuck Norris does push-ups he isnt pushing himself up hes pushing the world down.

    i have heard some other ones but ive forgotten them.
     
  12. Mububban

    Mububban Administrator Staff Member

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    That has to be my favourite one ever lol.

    Some more I found:


    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

    There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
     
  13. Mububban

    Mububban Administrator Staff Member

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    Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
     
  14. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    seriously what do you see in that guy!:p

    Gimme Bruce Lee...now that's a fighter!:D
     
  15. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    yeah.. but Chuck Norris is Walker Texas ranger... what's better than that?
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2007
  16. Cascador

    Cascador Who's Anakin?

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    Euhm let's see...where do you want me to begin?!:D
     
  17. Padmé

    Padmé Mrs Cascador

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    Chuck Norris sucks ass! I don't get the facination with him at all lol
     
  18. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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  19. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    The fact that he actually lacks acting talent but still get work as a martial arts tank character mostly
     
  20. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    yeah, everyone has to admit he is one of the worst actors of all time.