change of plans

Discussion in 'Spam....' started by JIM, Sep 30, 2009.

  1. JIM

    JIM zombie Turncoat

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    i'm not moving to america anymore, but i'll still be spending a lot of time there
    Lady Raven is going to live here.
    america is making it difficult, i can move there but i cant work there, whereas here i'm management on $40000 a year ( yeah, dse pay sux, but its experience on the resume)
     
  2. LadyRaven

    LadyRaven Sanzo's girl

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    im also keeping my US status so i can live in both countrys and visit my girls on there birthdays.
     
  3. JIM

    JIM zombie Turncoat

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    i have an in to get u a working visa ;)
    you can work in aged care cause i have a reference from a nurse ready to go
     
  4. AlphaAlex

    AlphaAlex Official Forum Nuisance

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    Its better downunder anyway
     
  5. Mem

    Mem Mosh Warrior

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    you're gonna leave your girls in the states? Oo
     
  6. Wisconsin

    Wisconsin Art House Member

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    Way to be a great parent! :rolleyes:
     
  7. JIM

    JIM zombie Turncoat

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    they'll have the choice to move here if they want to after they come for holidays. but we're not going to force them
     
  8. Ender-Zero

    Ender-Zero Ruff Mercenary

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    It's not like she's the first woman to abandon her children for her boyfriend.
     
  9. jake1964

    jake1964 Old enough to be your dad

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    Ease up, boys.
     
  10. Nienor

    Nienor Administrator Staff Member

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    When you two are all grown up, then you can pass judgement.
     
  11. Soylent Green

    Soylent Green Threadkiller

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    Ender, men also make alternative care arrangements for their children as they see fit for the childrens' best interest.

    Funny how that scenario never seems to raise the same reaction.

    Cognitive dissonance, much?

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2009
  12. LadyRaven

    LadyRaven Sanzo's girl

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    By the time I actually move there my girls will be old enough to chose for themselves where they would like to live. my eldest will be around 15 years old. I am Not about to yank my kids away from their long time friends and family (whom they are closer to than I). I love my girls very much and I have the support of my mum and my lil sister about moving since they will be the Only two i will in trust my children to while im not around.

    I went from being a kid to an adult in one fell swoop and i cant change that.

    BUT for the first time in my life i have a chance to take control of my life and make it how I want it to be. Everyone around me just wants me to be happy... even if that means making a move to another country!

    Jim and I have talked everything out and he would NEVER let me to Abandon my girls whom he has considered his own children for a while now.

    Immigration rules would force Jim to be out of work for almost 15 years if he moved here.

    Where as i could get work there in a very short amount of time.

    There are NO JOBs here in my state.

    Where as i already have the references i would need to be able to work there.

    My Eldest daughter has medical needs that i feel can not be taken care of as easily as they can here!

    The list of pros and cons goes on about wither or not i should move or not.
     
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2009
  13. Kelmourne

    Kelmourne The Savage Hippy

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    Not knowing the relationship between Jim, LR and her kids, I think almost nobody on this forum regardless of age or gender is qualified to make a judgment on if this is a good idea.
     
  14. Ender-Zero

    Ender-Zero Ruff Mercenary

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    To be completely fair, I'm not passing judgement. I merely made a comment and you are all making judgements on what you believe I was inferring. If I must clarify I was speaking from a personal standpoint.
     
  15. Soylent Green

    Soylent Green Threadkiller

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    I agree, Kelmourne.

    Sorry, Lady Raven, I just reread my post and realised how incredibly insensitive it was.

    I completely understand where you are coming from. You should never have to justify your decisions to anyone in regards to who cares for your children.

    The point I was trying to get across (and not very well, I might add), is that if women make the decision not to be the primary carer based on what is best for them and their children, they are forever having to convince the community at large that they are not selfish or abandoning their children. Men are highly unlikely to be placed in the same position, because it is socially acceptable for men not to assume the primary care of children in a relationship split. That's why comments like Ender's make me see red, and why I had to point out the inherent sexism contained within it. However in doing so, I treated your situation with disrespect, Lady Raven, and for that I am sorry.

    No reasonable parent, of either sex, makes the decision to hand the primary care of their children over to the other parent or family member lightly. The best interests of the children are paramount. I, myself, am in this situation temporarily, with my children living with their father for the majority of the time. My children's father and I decided after much soul searching and angst that, for financial and family reasons too numerous and complex to go into in this space, that he would assume the primary care of them for the time being. I see my kids every second weekend and half the school holidays, like most fathers would in the reverse situation. And like the absent fathers, I work and pay child support and spend my spare time missing them and waiting with anticipation for the next visit. But every single day I have to deal with being treated like I am some kind of leper for living in an arrangement that would be completely acceptable if I was a father. I have to justify myself to just about everyone I come in contact with, and people have no hesitation in openly making snide comments regardless of their lack of understanding of my situation.

    So, please, before you criticise the child care arrangements of Lady Raven and Jim or anyone else for that matter, take time to check whether your reasons for doing so are valid or based on social or gender constructs.



    Good luck, Jim and LR.
     
  16. Soylent Green

    Soylent Green Threadkiller

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    I'm sorry if you have traumatic personal experience of this, but you had to have known that making that comment in this thread was both inflammatory and hurtful towards Jim and Lady Raven.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2009
  17. JIM

    JIM zombie Turncoat

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    ok, lets clarify a little.
    the girls will be living with their grandmother and visiting here often, with us visiting them. if at any time they decide they would like to live here they are most welcome and i will formally adopt them as my daughters. but i wont force them to move to another country away from their friends and the only family they have ever known.
    i am ok with this discussion, but becca became upset and i doubt she will post here again
     
  18. JIM

    JIM zombie Turncoat

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    this decision was made after many hours of discussion between myself, the australian and american consulates, and becca and her family. i cannot provide financial support for the family in america, i have a criminal record for protecting a young lady from an a hole with a knife........
    i placed this thread to let the friends i have made here know what is happening, there are many here who were looking forwards to having a drink with me and i wanted to let them know that wont change
     
  19. Ender-Zero

    Ender-Zero Ruff Mercenary

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    Nor did I imply it was a personal experience. I said a personal standpoint, I chose those words very particularly. Did I aim a comments at them? No. Did I suspect that it might off-handedly offend? Yes. Did I care? No. Am I judging? No.
     
  20. Kakashi

    Kakashi Call me Deacon Blues

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    Wow guys, Ender really is cool.