Can you be a good, critical judge of Poetry?

Discussion in 'J.R.R. Tolkien / Lord of the Rings' started by Tatharlin, May 12, 2004.

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  1. Tatharlin

    Tatharlin Daughter of a

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    If so, I need you! I will post Tolkien inspired poetry on this thread for the public to view and comment on. Be honest, I won't be offended! I hoping to write a book someday, and I need all the help I can get. Here's a first. It's titled, "Eowyn and Faramir."

    Her cheeks tinged pink
    As stained with mahogany.
    Her hair so light
    As the wind itself
    In her flowing grace.
    White as a star, my love so fair
    Into love, out of despair.
    On that dim spring day
    Where corpses of winters lay
    And corpses of men, corpses of hearts;
    Now whithered and dead
    Lost in shadow under a sickle moon.
    Until a light grew, bright and undying
    My love you came
    To where my heart's corpse was lying.
    With your cheeks tinged pink
    Draped in silver tears.
    White as a star, my love so fair
    Into love, out of despair.
     
  2. LadyoftheGoldenWood

    LadyoftheGoldenWood Well-Known Member

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    well I like it, and you might have some potential, But the line *To where my heart's corpse was lying.* I think you need a word other then *corpse* it doss not flow like the rest of it.
     
  3. Elvenblademaster

    Elvenblademaster New Member

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    We have a poetry section in the writing forums. Pleese post there.

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