But Oh I Wish...

Discussion in 'Fan Poetry' started by RayCaptain, Apr 30, 2013.

  1. RayCaptain

    RayCaptain 如朱

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    Sitting here alone has done wrong,
    It has brought bitterness, not song,
    Raped and betrayed by my own mind,
    This hurt has rendered me totally blind...

    I don't see God, I don't see me in the mirror,
    No, I don't see you, there is only the fear,
    That where there was once something,
    Now sits a dark and lonesome nothing...

    Am I really so lowly before hazel eyes,
    Hemorrhage hope like rain from the skies,
    And I can't stop, it's not like that,
    While dreams starve, fear becomes fat...

    Fed by constant silence, how I hate the silence,
    The things that lurk, crippling my ceaseless defiance,
    Parasites, giants, ghouls that haunt,
    God damn me if I can't have what I want...

    Fury, drive me further into the arms of it,
    Because I'll never ever rise above it,
    I want it over, I want to fall on my sword,
    And forget every last little bitter word...

    I hate myself more than you ever will,
    And still I search for my heaven still,
    A hundred nights I lie dead,
    A hundred more I've just bled...

    Yet my flesh was never cut,
    Still I feel this knife in my gut,
    Twist and plunge, rip and tear,
    Out of my eyes, why do I see you there...

    Drown out the angel's voice with spite,
    Bitter, bitter, I hate this life, I want to fight,
    Why, I had it all, just to be taken,
    Now I know the definition of forsaken...

    I wish I couldn't feel, please make me numb,
    Do something, make it go away, before night comes,
    I don't want to go through this anymore,
    But I can't end it, because I swore...

    But oh I wish I could,
    I wish they understood,
    How little left I hang on to,
    Holding on nail and fang to...

    Christ, this stanza is for you,
    Please, just let it be through,
    Give me what I need,
    Or just let me be freed...