Broken Angel

Discussion in 'Fan Poetry' started by Zidane, Sep 6, 2004.

  1. Zidane

    Zidane Master Thief

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    My wings broke,
    When I fell from Grace,
    I can no longer fly back to the Light,
    Now I lay,bleeding on the ground,
    Waiting for Death,
    Praying for Death,
    But Death never comes,
    It leaves me in this cruel world,
    Bleeding on the ground.
     
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2004
  2. Radagast

    Radagast Art House Member

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    Nice dark feel to it. Gotta like that. :D

    For critique, I would say try to use more descriptive words. You could go much farther with the length, too. It's one of those poems that feels like it needs to be longer, so that it can develop in it's theme.

    But overall, nice job!
     
  3. LadyoftheGoldenWood

    LadyoftheGoldenWood Well-Known Member

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    i love the dark feel to it to, I have felt like that be for in my life and never new how to say it.
     
  4. Zidane

    Zidane Master Thief

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    thanks on the helpful hints,but I hadt make it short cause it's my away message,and I want people to read the whole thing.I am however working on a much longer version and should be up shortly.(I hope)
     
  5. LadyoftheGoldenWood

    LadyoftheGoldenWood Well-Known Member

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    sweet I will be looking for it!!