Beta readers?

Discussion in 'The Scribe's House' started by L. McKinley, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. L. McKinley

    L. McKinley New Member

    Apr 6, 2013
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    I'm working on a couple short stories that i plan to release to kindle here as soon as my world map is finished (will take a few weeks, and a $300 dollar price tag.) So while i wait for that i decided to go over my stories again, and now i see a few plot holes and my characters feel a tad flat and underacting to stimuli. So I'm curious if anyone would be interested in taking a read through and trying to help me figure out where exactly my problems are.

    I know they are there, i just cant see em.

    Anyway the story in question is called Ruins, and takes place in an abandoned dwarven town/mine (underground.) Its full of action and gore, and some crazy. I'm not sure if its even ready to be read yet but some extra eyes couldn't hurt.

    If interested feel free to respond here. I cant post the story here though. Kindle has a cow if the stories are online. I can do a short excerpt though.
    A flash of white, moving along a structure to his left, interrupted his thoughts. Zalenco held his torch aloft and watched, the creature stopped and looked back at him. It was a pure white furless rat, which almost glowed in contrast to the darkness, with jet-black eyes.

    The animal screamed a terrible sound that vibrated Zalenco’s eardrums. He dropped the torch and stumbled backwards, clamping his hands to his ears. The rat darted up his leg and body. Zalenco swatted at the creature, trying to knock it from his cloth armor. Instantly the animal weaved around his hand, climbing higher.

    Long whiskers tickled the side of his neck and white spots clouded his eyes as the rat sunk in its teeth. Zalenco’s body instinctively leaned forward and his hand shot to the location of the pain. His fingers clenched around the vermin and yanked it away, tearing a chunk of his skin along with it.

    His arm snapped taut and the rat was sent flying back. Within seconds, the creature was back on the path, racing towards him again. Its white skin was now tainted red by Zalenco’s blood. It leaped into the air with its jaws spreading wide, revealing its blood-stained teeth.