another untitled

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by olivia_the_lamb, Aug 14, 2008.

  1. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    After taking a quick look at his watch, Bryan stared at the pretty young girl through the glass separating the bank teller from the banker. She fumbled with the bills, miscounting twice; Bryan had a presence that people found to be intimidating. His cell phone went off as he received a text message... fifty seconds, gtfo. Handing him a hundred dollars in cash, the girl smiled nervously and wished Bryan a good day, "Oh, I will." Bryan walked briskly out of the bank, hopped into a taxi, and headed downtown. Moments later, there was a loud explosion that could be heard for miles around the bank while debris and black smoke filled the air. The news read later that night that two hundred people died, and over $6 million was stolen from the downtown Chicago bank. Bryan shook his head and said "What a pity!", laughing as he and his comrades reveled in the satisfaction of having robbed their first bank.

    ---

    ok that's it so far. i may never pick it up again... or i might change everything lol. who knows.
     
  2. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    nice nice
     
  3. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    really? i thought it was stupid :S
     
  4. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    Nah, I didn't think so, if you make it longer I think it would make a great story
     
  5. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    hehe thanks, maybe I will :D
     
  6. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    *poke* you should!
     
  7. Dragn9

    Dragn9 Sorcerer Supreme

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    Meh I wouldn't call it stupid...it's just under-developed, I could see it turning out to be pretty interesting with some more added to it. :D It's peaked my interest, you should expand on it.
     
  8. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    yeah it's very under developed... i did it in like 7 minutes out of boredom and only proofed it once :)
     
  9. I. R. Shogun

    I. R. Shogun Midnight Demon

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    It's pretty good, but like most things done in seven minutes it's really simple, but there's a lot of promise and it looks like it could make a really good story
     
  10. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    wow, and I didn't even think anyone would look at it
     
  11. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    Well i'm pretty sure you were wrong in assuming that :D

    Nice start to a potential New York Times Best Seller.
     
  12. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    lol you spoil me with your compliments!
     
  13. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    “Alright, get the hell out of here.” Bryan said to the other people in the room. Everyone stared at him for a second, and then jumped out of their seats and scurried out of the building, taking their shares with them; everyone but Ry, that is. She was the brains of the operation; it helped that her name was part of his name. Bryan was very picky, and very strange. Ry was too, so it worked very well. Bryan was about 6’4”, slim, shaggy dark brown hair that was about ear length, and almost black eyes. Ry was around 5’7”, average build, long brown hair, and intense brown eyes. The song “Psycho” by Puddle of Mudd was playing on the radio. Ry got up and turned it down a little.
    “Why did you do that?”
    “It was loud and I wanted to discuss a few things about our team.”
    “Turn in back up.” he said, glaring at her. Ry just looked at him.
    “No.” She said defiantly.
    “God dammit, Ry, don’t make me do it myself.”
    “Ha.” Ry hit the off button on the old boom box.
    “Bitch.” Bryan got up and shoved her out of the way. He turned the song back on and sat down. Ry unplugged the Sony, walked over to their 14th story window, and dropped the machine into the back alley.
    “How dare you?!” He got up and lifted his hand to strike her.
    “Don’t you dare.” Ry said seconds after she pulled out her knife and held it to his throat. “I don’t give a shite about you so don’t think I won’t slit your throat. Bryan growled and sat back down. “Anyway, we need to talk about a few of our members.” continued Ry, as though nothing had happened. “Some of them seem a little skiddish. I think we might have a few squealers.”
    “So kill them. It’s not rocket science.” Bryan replied with distinct arrogance in his voice.
    “Alright, I’ll let you take care of it. Oh, and when you’re in prison, or a padded cell because you’re psychotic, don’t call me to come get you out.” Ry grabbed her jacket and headed for the door, slamming it shut.
    Bryan threw a knife at the door, but as he got up to get it, the door flew open. Two of his “men” walked in, both of them had guns. Bryan sighed and exclaimed “What is this, idiot day? What the hell do you two want?” They aimed the guns at Bryan, but he just rolled his eyes. “What? Not enough of the share? You can have my share; I don’t have anything to do with it anyway.”
    “Shut up, Bryan.” He walked over to Bryan and put the gun to his head, which was a reach.
    “Oh my god.” Bryan rolled his eyes again and sighed.
    “You’re coming with us“ said the other guy, inching toward the door.
    “Can I at least get my knife back?” The guys looked at each other. “It’s behind the door.” The guy near the door put his gun at his side and reached for the knife. In a matter of seconds, Bryan had his captivator’s gun and shot the guy near the door in the head. “Silencers, eh? I love silencers!” he proclaimed as he shot the other kid in the head. He grabbed his cell phone and called Ry. “Well what do ya know, babe?! You were right. There’s two bastards in here right now. I shot ‘em both in the head. What do you want to do with the bodies? Your call, since you were right and all. Oh, alright. See you soon then.”

    *****

    Hours later Ry arrived, and when she did, she walked into a scene of Bryan in an apron and yellow rubber gloves. She squinted at him and cocked her head.
    “What? I could let them stain my hardwood floors.” They both laughed as they began to discuss what to do with the two dead people piled in the corner.



    ---

    alright, I put some more time and thought into that post. I hope it's better.
     
  14. Alchemist

    Alchemist The Fighters Guide House Member

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    Thats really good. Enjoyed it.
     
  15. Kenshin

    Kenshin Drifter

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    that was funny and cool
     
  16. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    Hehe, awesomeness :D

    Broken Sony's ftw, silencers ftw, rubber gloves ftw.
     
  17. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    hehe i am glad y'all enjoy it.. i might write more tonight, we'll see
     
  18. Kakashi

    Kakashi The Fighters Guide House Member

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    i'll be anxiously awaiting your verdict.
     
  19. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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  20. olivia_the_lamb

    olivia_the_lamb Moderator Staff Member

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    Ry looked at her watch, which was broken and permanently set at 7:31 AM. It was actually somewhere around 9 PM, and Ry was waiting on Bryan, as usual, to send her a text message. BZZ! There it was! one small step for mankind! Ry shook her head at the cryptic message and walked briskly to the front of their apartment building. In a matter of seconds Bryan was there too. He handed Ry her tennis racket case and her backpack. They began to walk along the sidewalk, Bryan took out his cell phone and made a phone call. “Ah, yeah? I would one three tacos and make sure there’s extra hot peppers. I want it to be… explosive.” and once he pushed the END button, their once fourteen story apartment building became a one story mess. They both looked behind them and stopped to stare, along with all the other onlookers. Ry shook her head and said “We’re going to be late for tennis practice.”
    Bryan and Ry arrived at their room in the Hotel Ramada and promptly began to double check their luggage.
    “Jesus Bryan, what did you put in these tennis racket bags?”
    “Hehe! Open yours! It’s like Christmas!” Ry opened her bag accordingly.
    “Oh my…” she pulled out a bazooka. “Where the hell did you get this and .. why?”
    “Well, I got it from a Russian on the black market and why not?”
    “Good point. What’s in the other bag?” Bryan pulled out the dead guys’ silenced guns.
    “Hey, no one tries to kill me and gets to keep their weapon in the after life.”
    “Riiight.” Ry opened her back pack to reveal a plethora of explosives. “I see you have something in mind for our next, ah, mission?”
    “When don’t I have something in mind?” he smiled slyly.
    “What is it this time?”
    “Well… you know how I absolutely love killing innocent people for no reason other than it’s fun?” Ry nodded. “Hehe… I thought could blow up one of the high schools or community colleges!
    “Hmm… but there’s too much potential for corruption, I want those kids to live so we can get to them.”
    “Ah, ah, ah!” Bryan said, shaking an accusing finger at Ry. “You didn’t listen to the plan.”
    “Oh.”
    “Yeah.” He said, nodding while grinning mischievously. “What we do is we con some weak willed, fed up, somewhat psychologically disturbed student into doing our work for us. Then, once it’s completed, we kill he/she/them… after giving them their money of course.”
    “You’re sick, Bryan.”
    “And you’re unstable. That’s how it goes!”
    “Fair enough. When do we start?”
    “As soon as we find our target.”

    They stared out of their hotel window, watching people walking on the street. Eventually they found a nervous looking young girl. Using their binoculars, they saw her go into a corner store. Ry nudged Bryan and he was on the move.



    ---


    ps- I so have a name for it now lol