Another Story by a young author

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by imagine99, May 17, 2005.

  1. imagine99

    imagine99 Fia, the kind fencer

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    Spirit: Apocalypse
    Prologue:

    Planet of Arcadia, Solar System of the Golden Star, Year 6923, Age of Apocalypse (the end of the world)

    As the old sage watched the fiery mountain he couldn't help but smile. It was, after all human kind's fault this was happening.
    "I am an old man now. What does it matter to me if I live no longer?" He wondered aloud. Of all the ones in the world he, who was much less than vigorous about the belief of heaven and hell, was the one to foresee the end of the world? This supposed tragedy? He heaved a sigh.
    "How senile I've become!" he scolded himself. "I am old, true enough, but the same isn't true for all of Arcadia!" It was, in fact the exact opposite. After the peaceful lull in human population, the numbers were starting to grow again. At a rapid rate, too.

    He shook his head and stepped away from the grimy (and only) window. He paced the dusty floor of his cedar cabin, which was gently nestled in the heart of a mountain. The mountain's side had long ago been worn away by rain, wind, and even the occasional dragon. It was because of this that he could see the angry glow of Mt. Atlanta that others could not.
    "Bah! Why do they deserve to live? After all the ones they've slain out of greed! All the plagues they brought with them! This is their fault, after all!" In his heart Magus knew why. They may have done terrible things, but they would, in the long run...the very long run, make the world a better place.

    He sat on the rock hard mattress of his cot, the only piece of furniture besides a small oak table and a single maple stool pushed against the wall. His house was dark, lonely. But to him it was home. The only source of light came, not from the window, but from a faintly glowing blue tennis ball sized rock that lay abandoned in the corner. The sage waved his hand and the light went out.

    He stood up, got on one knee on the floor and pulled out a small metal case. He opened it and took out his most prized possessions: three baseball sized orbs, all transparent, each a different color; one red, one green, one blue. Somewhere out there, he knew, were also a yellow one, a white one, and a black one. He placed each on the bed as he took them out, but kept the green one in his hand. He rose to his feet, and held his arms up and out, so hat the orb was at least twenty-three inches directly in front of his face. He muttered thirty-two syllables, at such a rapid pace he himself could not hear them. He simply knew that they were the right words.

    The surface of the Wind Crystal gleamed and the light exploded into a rectangular screen depicting a young woman, a young man and a castle in the distance. He saw also....no....it couldn't possibly be true! Could it? Magus's mind raced fiercely. How was it that the image of this woman, the one he had not seen for at least sixty years was right before his eyes? She was still young as ever. That was the elf in her. But how did she know them? These two young one who appeared to be brother and sister? And how did she get that? Surely this was a farce! He shook his head and looked again. No, it was definitely real. The woman, the Elvin one, she was holding the Water Crystal.
    He looked behind him. Sure enough, it was still lying on his bed, almost...waiting. Magus shuddered. That was the problem with magical artifacts. They seemed alive. They had their own souls, their own will. If the Wind Crystal showed this image, then its aquatic companion would surely seek out this woman!

    There was a loud BANG!!! And the entire cabin shook. At first Magus thought it was an earthquake, but no, his cabin was protected by Shama himself; Mage of the Heavens. Then what was happening? He whirled around and his jaw dropped in terror. Half of his cabin was gone! Just like that!

    Worse yet, no more than two meters, probably less, in front of him was a yellow dragon, its javelin-sized teeth dripping with fetid black venom. It smelled of vinegar and skunks, among other things he could only assume was the rotting flesh of its latest victim. He backed up to the bed, the cold grey eyes watching him, waiting. Or maybe it was playing with him, luring him into false hope. Either way, he was not afraid to move, and did, very swiftly. He placed the green crystal with its companions.
    "I have made it my life's work to guard you," he said to them, as if they were his children "but it seems as though fate has guided you out of my hands. Farewell then, I will not hold on to you like a greedy beast. Find the ones you seek and aid them in any way. I do not know what it is you desire but I do know this; I sense something in you. You are powerful indeed, but not evil. Do not make an old man's last words a lie." He smiled as if he had been waiting his whole life to speak those exact words. Particles of silver light descended from the dark corner above the bed, and as they touched the crystals, the part they contacted was rubbed away instantly, as if they were a sugar cube in a barrel of water.

    He then turned again. This was not a fully grown dragon. Seventy years old, at the most. It still had many years. Why would it risk a dual with a magic-user? The head was flat on top, rounded on the snout and flat on the bottom. Its neck was at least two meters long. The ears looked more like flaps of skin ending in five hooked points. This dragon, like all yellow ones, was hornless. Its mouth was two meters high, and black venom was beginning to foam and leak out. The body was long and slender, five meters long and ending in a three meter tail that swished back and forth like a cat ready to pounce. Beneath it were two arms a meter long with massive paws ending in three hooked, white talons. The feet were also huge, but had four claws. The hind legs were thick and muscular, much more so than the "arms". They were about two and a half meters high, and a meter thick. The skin itself was a deep-yellow color in fact, it looked almost orange. It had the trademark sail of its species running from it's forehead to its tail tip, with a spike connecting the feathery shin every thirty centimeters. Finally, its wings were very bat like, thin pieces of skin (very tough skin though) connected to the body by three curving, flexible, internal bones and lined with a ridge of scales. A wingspan of one this dragon's size would be between eight and ten meters. It let out a cat-like hiss and clenched it's "hands" crushing the rock and wood (so that's where the side of the cabin went) beneath its tremendous weight. Magus looked the leviathan in those cold, hollow eyes. "I may not be young but I assure you.....if I am to die today, I will not travel to the afterlife alone......"
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2005
  2. Isaac29GT

    Isaac29GT Spawn of Skyanide

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    Very nice!! and that was only a prologue!?! I can't wait for more ;) hehehe
     
  3. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    As Isaac noted, really interesting. Start posting more. :p
     
  4. imagine99

    imagine99 Fia, the kind fencer

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    Chapter 1: Attack on Sai'hron

    *Chapter Dictionary: Sai'hron-(sigh-her-on) A large human kingdom of Arcadia


    The “Golden Star”, the name given to the sun of Arcadia by its inhabitants, it is the one thing in history that humans, elves, dwarves and hobbits had agreed on. Its elegant rays drifted gently from the sky and touched down softly to be absorbed by the emerald-green grass.
    Below, the light blue sky gently cradled the soft white clouds, protecting them from the wind. It was in the kingdom of Sai’hron that these gentle things of beauty painted a picture of security, and tranquility. It was here that nature created its own cruel illusion.
    Even without the golden fields, and rolling green hills, the people would have felt safe. The first king of Sai’hron had been a good friend to the king of the Dwarves at the time, even ventured with him on many occasions. Thus it had been decided that the city be built under protection by the castle walls.
    The castle was the center of the city. It was twenty six meters high, twenty meters wide, twenty meters long and made of beautiful marble. It stood a meter above the other structures, as it rested on a perfectly round, natural plateau.
    Around the castle were built the houses of the commoners, so that should the main forces be breeched, the royal guard could give them a chance to escape. These houses were cabin-sized structures built of brick and cement and, for some who preferred the older-style houses, wood and straw.
    Just inside the great brick wall that surrounded the city resided a wide ring of towers surrounding the other structures. Stationed in each of these towers were ten men, each armed with a bow and quiver of arrows, sword and telescope. These towers were black wood frames filled with cement.
    It was on the top floor of one such tower that Prince Richard dueled against his only undefeated opponent in sword fighting. His opponent was Swords master Lee. The interior was dark, and humid. Even with the constant inhabitance, there was a thick layer of dust on the floors and windowsills. The sunlight entered in overwhelming boxes of light that burned the eyes of those leaving the tower at the end of their shift.
    The student brought his steel sword down with all his might, and his master held up his own weapon to block it. The price's sword came down with such force that Lee's almost clattered to the floor. He quickly recovered and moved in for a hasty jab. Richard knocked his opponent's weapon aside with ease. At this point the master doubled over and began to pant and wheeze. The fight was over. Richard took a step forward to offer aid, but was waved away. The elder swordsman righted himself, and stood as straight as possible.
    His student copied the shift in stance, and tried to mask his heavy breathing.
    "Impressive, young master! You have learned much in these past months." He said with a proud smile.
    Richard frowned. He had been practicing the art for four months now and truth was he HADN'T improved. He had come into the knighthood with a certain degree of natural talent, but beyond that, he was no better with a sword than most children in Sai'hron. He forced a smile and bowed lightly.
    "Thank you, master."
    The older man smiled. His face was wrinkled and scarred. He had seen many battles. His skin was a tanned color, a trait inherited from his native mother. To the present day he was still unsure which tribe she had belonged to. There had been seven in the area before they gave their land to the "normal humans". The tribal people were not regarded as true humans in most history books because they were born with the desire to hunt and be outdoors all the time. They had acute senses, and each differed from "normal humans" in unique ways. Higher class people regarded them as wild animals, and called them "Ferrals".
    The king of Sai'hron had taken Lee in as an equal, and a friend when they were both young boys. They had seen horrors and wonders together, neither of which allowed one night's sleep without them.
    Lee stood at about six feet and had a long black, gold-braided ponytail that trailed down to the small of his back. He proudly displayed the sharp golden eyes of his huntress mother. He had a large nose and a thin moustache that drooped over his lips, than came to a downward point. Muscles engulfed his wrinkled arms, legs, and chest. He wore a loose red shirt and pants, with at least a meter of extra, hanging fabric on each piece of clothing. He wore deer hide sandals, strapped on tightly to allow easy movement.
    On the right side of the master's outfit, near his heart, were three rows of three small medals of different colors. These were the sign of a knight, to show others their strengths. In the first row the master wore; two red medals, decorated with a man, with two faded copies behind him, showing agility, and a yellow decorated with an arrow to show accuracy. In the second row were displayed; two green medals, decorated with a dragon for physical strength, and a blue one, decorated with a woman holding a staff for quick thinking. In the last row were three white medals, each decorated with a gold crown for loyalty.
    His apprentice on the other hand, was less accomplished. He was about half a foot shorter than the master swordsman. He had short brown hair that brushed his eyebrows, but never hindered his sight. He had deep, crystal blue eyes and an innocent face. He wore the deep blue outfit of an apprentice; much like his master's, but tighter fitting. He had muscles also, but they were not as large as Lee's. Barely visible in the small V shaped opening in the young man's outfit was a plain white T-shirt. Richard was clean-shaven and had lighter skin. Lighter, but not pale.
    Without another word, both of them sheathed their swords, bowed, and ventured off to the twisting staircase of the watchtower.



    Inside the castle, Richard's twin sister, Kashu was involved in much less exciting matters. She sat on a wooden stool, pulling a brush through her hair and mumbling to herself. She had the same innocent look as her brother, and the same sand-colored hair, but hers was about the same length as Lee's, except it hung loose. She wore the plain white silk dress of the Sai'hron princess. This was the topic of her furious ramblings.
    "I shouldn't be in here like some helpless child! I have just as much right to practice the skill of the sword as my brother!" At this point she looked down at her dress in disgust. "I hate this stupid thing! This is not clothing, but a sign of my enslavement! I will not stand for it!" She exhaled deeply. "But no. After all I'm just a girl!!" She finished in a ditsy, childish voice, and giggled for the purpose of making a point to her non-existent audience.
    She stood up and looked around the room. Since childhood, she had retained a hatred for her room. The walls, the carpet, the sheets on her bed, were all a deep pink color. Centered on the wall she faced was an oval mirror with a border consisting of silver twisted artfully into the image of four dragons chasing each other across twisting vines with roses here and there. Below the mirror was an oak dresser. Its top was almost covered in empty, crystal perfume spray-bottles of all sizes and shapes. The wall to her left was plain except for the door at the closest end and a closet on the farthest. Resting at the centre of the far wall was princess Kashu's four poster bed and transparent, light purple curtains. The wall to her right was bare except for an arched window.
    She heard a loud thud and then a girl scream. She ran to the door, which burst open before she reached it, and continued into the hallway. She looked one way, then another. She started humming to herself, and after a couple seconds, the air around her began to shimmer. Two glowing, white, golf ball-sized spheres forced themselves out of the walls on each side of her and began to revolve around her head, just above her forehead.
    She began to sing, quietly at first, but getting loader with each brief verse;
    "This day, now, I seek a scream,
    Summon my brother-sister team,
    To the one who is in peril,
    Call as well the elder Ferral"
    She cringed at the word, but could think of no other rhyme. She continued singing.
    "Keep all safe till danger's gone,
    Here the magic in my song
    Take me now to screamer's birth,
    Hide me behind the closest hearth

    Shield and arm the ones I call,
    So on arrival, the don't fall
    At the hands of danger close,
    Of all words I mean these the most"
    She was astounded at her inability to make a few simple rhymes. That wasn't her best spell. She sighed as her body was wrapped in a tingling sensation as she disappeared.

    A split second later she was standing behind a fireplace in an empty room. She heard a chiming noise as her brother and the Ferral appeared beside her. They were both use to this by now. Kashu had been performing group teleportations since she was eight.
    "Sis?" Richard inquired with a faint tone of annoyance in his voice. He knew better than to think she had called them for nothing, yet the room before them was empty.
    She turned to meet him and glared at him enough to burn away any snide remarks. She then whirled back around.
    The fireplace in front of them was made of white stone, and had two gargoyles on the sides, which looked to be holding it up. The floor was also made of white stone, and had a red carpet lined with gold string down the center of the room. Other than that, there was really nothing in the room except a long wooden table and what looked to be sixteen very uncomfortable chairs.
    Suddenly, like lightning, it hit Richard where they were. He didn't think of it before blurting out the entire resolution that had no doubt come to the others as well.
    "We're in the meeting room of the council!!!!..... But why here?" he was suddenly very confused. It now was Kashu's turn to blurt out her sudden burst of common sense.
    "The roof! Go to the roof!" and with that, they all ran. Lee, who was behind his younger companions, was constantly yelling at them to make haste. They all sensed something was very wrong. Then...they knew why. When they reached the roof the first thing they noticed was the sky...it was black. Not like night...just...darkness and the clouds were glowing fierce red. The entire area surrounding the castle was on fire. For the most part, the buildings seemed to be safe, but the streets were flooded by, what Kashu now realized was not many fires, but one very large one. Her heart plummeted to the ground.
    For the first time Kashu noticed another girl was standing on the roof of the east tower, looking out at the scene. She also was alerted to the sound of footsteps on the stairs. She saw Richard draw his sword out of the corner of her eye and heard Lee do the same. All the protection spells she could think of, danced on her tongue, until the last moment when she heard the voice of her mother, and the horrified cry of her father. She walked to the girl, who was four feet tall and had long, blonde hair and green eyes. She was wearing a white robe, most likely her nightgown.
    "Hello Aerial. What are you doing out here? It's dangerous!" she scolded in her you-better-go-to-bed voice that was all too familiar with the girl. She didn't obey Kashu's silent wishes. She merely smiled.
    "I'm watching the dragons. Aren't they pretty?" she said so sweetly, so innocently. Kashu, alarmed, looked to the sky. There were, in fact at least six blue dragons circling overhead. She closed her eyes in an attempt to drown out the horrible scene. She failed. She could still here the dragons screech, the fire crackle. She could still smell the black smoke.
    She felt something warm beside her, and she feared she was under attack, but when she opened her eyes she saw different. Aerial had changed. She was now a young woman, but still looked sweet and innocent. Her skin was now a light pinkish-purple color. A ball of shimmering gold light encased her, and white, feathered wings had burst from her back. Kashu stared in amazement.
    "What?" Aerial asked unknowingly. She then looked behind her. "Oh. That." She shrugged and took off into the air. As she did, she left behind a trail of purple particles of light.
    The voice of her mother shattered her state of shock.
    "Aerial is an air spirit, Kashu. I've known for some time now. Let her go. She can help." Kashu turned to face Queen Sylvie. She looked as young as ever, and wore a flowing white gown, identical to her daughter's. She also wore a silver necklace with sapphires dangling from it, and a golden crown. Her hair was long and black, and she had emerald green eyes.
    She then looked to King Andrew IV. He wore a blue shirt, blue pants, boots, a black belt, and gloves. On his head rested a crown, slightly larger than his Queen's, and decorated with rubies and diamonds. Behind him, an amethyst colored cape lined with white fur fluttered in the wind. His hair was grey, and his eyes were sunken and brown. Although they were the same age, he looked as though he could be Sylvie's father. From the corner of her eye she saw something gold.
    Her attention again on the skies, Kashu noticed a black cloud descending upon her. She soon came to the horrible realization that the cloud was a mass of arrows. A wall of light appeared, and the arrows, upon hitting it, turned to a wall of water that fell onto the fire below, somehow missing all the buildings. The water spread through the streets, never turning to steam, never stopping, and even climbing smoldering buildings. She searched for Aerial, and found her facing a blue dragon.
    This dragon was fully grown, weighing between one and two thousand pounds. Its scales were blue, and its enormous teeth grey. Its head was much more rounded than that of its yellow cousin. Its eyes were glowing red slits, and a reptilian tongue flickered hungrily at the wind spirit. Its nostrils flared and it reared its massive head. The head itself was the equivalent of six elephants wide and four elephants tall. Its wings were enormous (they had to be) and looked like that of a bird, but instead of being feathery, they were leathery. Its wingspan was about thirty meters. Its body was three quarters of a mile from the start of the neck, to the start of the tail. The tail was thick and powerful, like a swaying tree. Its massive paws were balled up into fists, its eight meter talons not visible. It lowered its head and opened its mouth, unleashing a sea of purple flames. It hit the gold ball, rolled across its surface and disappeared. Aerial charged at the massive beast and lightly tapped it on the shoulder, keeping he hand inside the gold ball. The creature did not move for a second and the split into countless pieces, which rained down like party streamers. She whirled around and shot a small bullet-sized pellet at another blue behemoth. It hit it in the chest, and all anyone saw was what looked like gold fireworks. The creature was gone.
    Everyone was so focused on the battle that they did not see the black-clad figure ride up to the castle. Nor did they see him dismount his horse and draw a three-meter long lance that glowed with a pale green light. No one saw a thing, but they all felt the tremor as the lance struck the base of the structure, and its foundation turned to dust.
    The last thing Kashu recalled seeing and hearing was aerial scream as purple flame entered the golden ball. Then, everything was black......
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2005
  5. Isaac29GT

    Isaac29GT Spawn of Skyanide

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    Ooooo the suspense. Very nice. I must commend you for your excellent use of description. It painted a picture in my mind. Very good my friend, can't wait for more.
     
  6. Jeynarra

    Jeynarra New Member

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    oh yes more, I love it
     
  7. Jeynarra

    Jeynarra New Member

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    Thats soo cool
     
  8. Jeynarra

    Jeynarra New Member

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    That really is soo cool
     
  9. Jeynarra

    Jeynarra New Member

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    Hey dude. By the way, YOUR PIC IS SOOOOO COOOOL:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :jawa:
     
  10. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    Interesting. :)
     
  11. imagine99

    imagine99 Fia, the kind fencer

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    This chapter is basically descriptions and mushy stuff. Just don't skip it entirely, or when you get to chapter four you'll think "okay.... WHEN did this happen?" And yes, I AM aware that this is only chapter two.

    Chapter Two: The Wild One

    When Kashu could see again, the first vision she had was not a comforting one. She was lying on top of a hill, looking out over the flat plain of ruins that had been Sai'hron. Black smoke curled upwards from smoldering remains of ravaged buildings. The mighty stones of the castle were now a fine blanket of dust that covered the city. Behind her was a small stretch of green fields that led to the Sai'hron woods. She sat up and heard a crunch. Excruciating pain flooded through the middle part of her torso, leading her to believe she had broken at least two ribs. She heard a voice behind her call out.
    "Over here! The princess is awake!" The cry was followed by footsteps and another voice. Kashu could not make out the words. Someone kneeled down, and instructed her not to move. She turned her head, meaning to drive them away, but found herself unable to speak.
    Next to her was a young boy, about the same age as herself. He had deep green eyes and short blond hair. He wore a gold headband, decorated with scarlet diamonds that disappeared beneath his hair. He was almost six feet tall, and thin, but muscular. He wore a red shirt with crisscrossing gold thread all the down it. He wore a fine leather belt with the depiction of a gold lion on a crimson background as the belt buckle. He also wore red pants with gold lace down the sides and black leather boots. At his side he wore a curved steel blade with a rounded steel hilt, and straight wooden handle. He smiled meekly as he helped her to put her back to a rock, lessening the pain. She swallowed her words, and new ones bubbled up like vomit.
    "Thank you.....um?" she did not know his name, but he was obviously a palace guard. Again, he smiled.
    "My name is Gordon, my lady.” He said with a slight bow. She found herself staring into his eyes. She fumbled for a response, but the words came out coolly.
    "That is not necessary. We are equals here. You will call me Kashu." It was not a suggestion. Gordon shook his head.
    "You have been my superior for seventeen years, my lady. Why should it change now?" he asked her. Her eyes burned themselves into him.
    "When the kingdom no longer exists," she returned "what use are their authorities." It was not a question. It was a statement. She could feel the summer air around her begin to chill slightly, although there was no breeze. A second knight came up to Gordon, and whispered something to him. This knight was dressed in the same outfit as his younger companion. His face was slightly wrinkled, and he displayed a black moustache and beard. He also wore a golden helmet with two curled horns at the top. This was a sign of his superiority. The visor was up. Gordon nodded, and his fellow knight jogged away. Gordon hesitated a moment before turning back to Kashu.
    "I will leave you to your own devices, my lady." he turned to walk away, and Kashu found herself speaking involuntarily.
    "Please." she stalled. "Sir Gordon, I would request of you, seeing as if it were not such a burden, if you would perhaps join me for the sunset?” The knight was taken aback. He didn't move for a moment, suspecting a cruel trick, but, seeing sincerity in her eyes, sat next to her on the grass. They both watched the sky as it turned pink, neither speaking for a while.
    "You must think me a spoiled little girl. Here I sit, with the boy born the same year as I, who I should have shared my childhood with, a boy who saved my life....yet still I did not know your name. You knew mine. It's been practically drilled into you head since birth. Here my kingdom was just destroyed, and I can think of nothing other than this stupid dress." It was true. The way it had come out was not how she meant it however. She would rather leave it behind than wear it to the next town, but she did not for many reasons. Gordon shook his head.
    "No, not at all, milady. For you are royalty. Why would YOU know ME?" he asked, more harshly than was intended. Kashu suddenly sprang up, ignoring the pain.
    "I didn't ask to be born a princess you know! It wasn't my choice! I would much rather be a knight, than thought helpless and weak!" she bellowed.
    Gordon looked very hurt, and scared she felt bad, but she wasn't over her anger completely yet. She turned away from him, and began to storm off, but she collapsed from the pain of her broken bones. Before she knew it, she was in Gordon's arms again, and everything was blurry. She was ushered back into darkness.....

    When she awoke, she found herself on the back of a horse. She was immediately welcomed by a chill, and an instinctual fear that came with the area. Around her were dark trees. They still had leaves and color, but looked lifeless. It was almost as if their souls had been sucked from them. She shuddered.
    "Where are we?" She was asking no one specific. She simply knew she was not alone.
    "We are in the Sai'hron pass, milady. It leads to the Goblin's Den." The voice came from a knight ahead of her.
    "And why, good sir, would we be going there?" she asked in a very strict tone.
    He smiled. "My name is Sir Keith." He announced proudly. "Because, princess Kashu, we were instructed to travel north to the city of Kehrres."
    Kashu's eyes widened. "I never gave that order!" she yelled angrily.
    "No. You did not." was the cool reply. "But your father did, when he saw the dragons above the castle. That is why we go north."
    Above her there was a noise. Something was moving through the trees. She looked up, but could see nothing. She looked down, and seeing she was off to one side of the horse, righted herself. There was movement beside her. She turned, and caught a brief glimpse of something grey.
    "We are being followed." she said quietly, cautiously. This was followed by the somewhat familiar voice of Sir Gordon.
    "We know. They have been following us for a half a mile now. From what poor trained ears can tell, it is a beggar woman and her dog." He said, attempting to calm her. It worked almost completely, until she heard another mutter
    "That's a pretty big dog....sounds more like a bear...."
    She stiffened with fear. There was a grey blur in front of her and she heard a female voice. Not out loud, but, rather the sound echoed in her head.
    "Get out! You're not supposed to be here!" Then Kashu saw her.
    She was a young woman, maybe in her early twenties. Her hair was blond, but tangled and matted. She wore a dirty grey shirt, and muddy grey pants that looked like a couple pieces of cloth had been roughly sewn together. It was at this time that Kashu noticed that the shirt was much too big, and the sleeves were missing. Despite the messy clothes, the girl was surprisingly clean. She DEFINATELY needed to wash her hair, but her skin was clean. The woman’s eyes were cold, empty and brown. It was obvious to all who looked this woman in the eye that she had seen much in her life. She was thin and about five and a half feet tall. She was staring right at Kashu. Kashu returned her gaze, not with anger, superiority, or disgust. Not even pity. Only complete interest and kindness.
    More interesting than the woman was her company. A large grey dog the size of a baby cow, stood obediently at her side. It had a long, thick tail and on its ribs were a yellow zigzag on each side of the body. It had curved black claws that looked like they had never touched the skin of another living thing before. The "dog's" head was most interesting of all. It looked like those of a wolf, except that, at the end of the top of the snout were two massive tusks pointed downward. They were equal to the creature's chest. Overall, the massive best most likely weighed close to three hundred pounds, and it was ALL muscle.
    One of the knights ushered his hoarse forward.
    "We shall remove her from your path, Princess." he said with all confidence.
    The great dog growled, baring thirty-centimeter (some were longer) teeth. The woman pulled a short sword from her belt.
    "No," she returned egotistically "you will try."

    Wow.. chapter two is VERY short... meh, oh well,,, they can't all be long I guess...
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2005
  12. Isaac29GT

    Isaac29GT Spawn of Skyanide

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    Oooo suspense again. excellent chap, keep it up :p
     
  13. Isaac29GT

    Isaac29GT Spawn of Skyanide

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    and thanks :D
     
  14. Liadan

    Liadan Insert Title Here

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    Nice writing.

    Constructive criticism: (Hope you don't get offended...:))

    There are some passages where I get confused, whether because of new concepts or confusing word order. I suggest you try reading out what you write out loud and see what happens.

    And I hope you don't take me wrong, but are you typing this on TFF? I suggest you use Microsoft Word to lessen your spelling and grammar errors. While this is an interesting story, it's harder to read because of all the mistakes. If you'd like to give me a detailed crit, e-mail me what you have so far, and I'll go through it in my spare time. :)
     
  15. Lady Dark Moon

    Lady Dark Moon Goddess of Black Magic

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    it's really good. lots of action.
     
  16. imagine99

    imagine99 Fia, the kind fencer

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    Thankee everyone.. I am in the process of editing, will post new versions when editing is completed. For now, here is chapter three. I think it's a bit too short, but I'll add more later... maybe...

    Chapter Three: Enter Sierra
    When Prince Richard awoke, he found himself alone. The first thing that came to his mind was "How did I survive?” The second thing was the realization of the weather. The sky was still black, with what looked to be the blood red bottoms of black clouds. The wind was very warm, and around him the grass was brown as though it had died long ago. He stood and looked around. There did not appear to be any corpses around either. He lay in a field, with the two-inch long dead grass being his only company. Then, he heard a voice.
    "I wonder what could possibly have happened, to make us land here, Prince Richard." He recognized the voice as that of Master Lee. He looked around, and finally spotted him.
    "I wonder," he said in return "what could have happened that allowed us to survive the fall." The sword master shrugged.
    "It's simple. We didn't fall."
    Richard looked at him in surprise. Was he hearing wrong? He had to be.
    "Perhaps I did not hear you correctly, Sword Master. What did you say?" Lee walked closer to him.
    "You heard correctly, all right. We did not fall." Seeing the prince's confusion he continued. "Quite a while ago I came across a knight, like you. He had remained conscious when the castle fell. He said that as he fell, he saw a white light come down from the sky. Apparently, this light split into balls, the balls consumed people, and flew upward with the people still inside. He said it was like seeing balls of light be fired from a catapult in random directions." Lee was silent and stared at the Prince for what seemed like hours. Richard's eyes were wide with surprise.
    "......WHAT?!?!" he said. He couldn't believe his ears.
    "We both know Kashu doesn't have that kind of power....." he began, but was cut off.
    "Who said anything about it being Kashu?"
    Richard fell silent.
    "Who else could it possibly be? There aren't many magic users in the castle. I don't think all them combined could do THAT...." he trailed off and fell silent. He stood up and they turned to walk. After only a couple steps, Richard thought of a very common-sense-like question.
    "Where are we going?"
    Lee turned to him,
    "There is a small fishing village to the South. That is no doubt where Kashu and the others will be headed. It is closest. There is a small marsh on the way, but the trip should be easy enough." he said.
    Richard thought for a second. He had heard something about the marsh to the South, but he couldn't remember what it was at the moment. He shrugged. It was probably nothing too important. He nodded, and they both turned to walk south, unaware of the spectator in the shadows...

    They walked in silence for at least three hours before Richard remembered what he had heard about the swamp. His eyes widened, and his mouth dropped.
    "Are you talking about the Hearith Swamp?!" he asked, panicked. What he had forgotten definitely WAS important.
    "Yes." was his superior's calm reply.
    "The one with the thousands of flesh-eating insects the size of house cats?" he asked, hoping it wasn't.
    "Yes," Was the quick reply again. "Only I do believe its millions, and they're the size of foxes." He added, in a very casual tone. "Like I said, the trip should be easy."
    Richard stopped in his tracks out of utter disbelief.
    "What are you talking about? We can't go through THERE!!!" he screamed.
    The swords master looked at him with one eyebrow raised. Richard gathered himself.
    "I'm not lazy, we can go around!"
    "You're right. We COULD, assuming we could find away past the barbarian hunting grounds, and the werewolf valley, and that rather large whole in the ground.... I believe it's called a chasm... Then we could walk through the haunted woods," he stopped to gasp dramatically, but Richard guessed it was just a way to hide his desperate need for air " and just for fun we could stop in and see the Master Vampire!!" he paused and waited for Richard to catch on to what he was saying. Although the prince understood fully it took him less than a moment to react.
    "Sounds excellent to me! Let's go..." he took no more than two steps before the low, cool female voice cut into his mind.
    "I wouldn't do that if I were you..." He turned to meet a very startling sight.
    A couple meters away was a girl, about eighteen years old, wearing a dark purple spandex dress that ended about seven inches above her knees. She looked to be about six feet tall, and weighed about one hundred and thirty pounds. She was wearing long gloves and high boots of the same color and material as her dress. Her hair was past shoulder length, and was a light purple color, and ended in light green tips. Her eyes were deep sea green, and pierced his soul.
    "Not many people have survived the swamp," she said, walking closer to him. "But that's a hell of a lot more than have survived the way you want to go." She stuck out her hand in greeting.
    "My name is Sierra. Nice to meet you... Prince Richard." She smiled as he stopped shaking her hand to stare in shock. "I've been following you for quite some time now. By God was it difficult! Have you any idea how many creatures out here want to kill you?" she said in amazement.
    Instead of responding, he continued staring at her clothing. She noticed this and smiled.
    "See anything you like? Shall I turn around?" he snapped his head up instantly, only to reveal severe blushing. He stared at the ground and mumbled an apology.
    "I am deeply sorry. I was merely wondering why you are dressed so.... like that." He blurted. Once again, she merely smiled.
    "It helps me focus." she returned coolly. Richard brought his head up to look at her. His curiosity had dissolved his embarrassment.
    "Concentrate on what?"
    She held her hand out, and, from no where purple and white flames spiraled around her hand, and then totally consumed it and her arm without burning them. His jaw dropped again, and he saw master Lee shift uneasily.
    "I am pyrokinetic." She explained, "I can make and control fires." She looked at them both, thoroughly enjoying their shock,
    "I was wondering if there was a possibility I could join you. You might survive a bit longer that way..." She began, but before Richard could see if she was finished he blurted;
    "Of course!!" which caused them to look at him in suspicion. He cleared his throat.
    "We're glad to have you." He said. They began to walk toward the swamp and Lee mumbled to himself.
    "You especially"....Richard shot him a sharp glance, but they all continued walking toward the marsh in silence....

    This chapter has also been edited, so... yay?
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2005
  17. Isaac29GT

    Isaac29GT Spawn of Skyanide

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    thats sweet, i wish i had pyrokinesis...then i can finally get my revenge!! MOOHAHA...*cough*

    yet another good chapter. I think i said it before but i like your descriptions
     
  18. imagine99

    imagine99 Fia, the kind fencer

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    tee hee. i bet you want to know ALL the details about that girl in purple spandex, eh isaac?
     
  19. Isaac29GT

    Isaac29GT Spawn of Skyanide

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    how did you know!?! *gasps for breath*
     
  20. imagine99

    imagine99 Fia, the kind fencer

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    cuz i know how ur mind works :p I also know that spandex isn't what you see her in....