A story without pronouns

Discussion in 'Original Works' started by lacey, Aug 13, 2009.

  1. lacey

    lacey TFF Avian

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2009
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Flying among an endless sky
    Ratings:
    +9 / 0 / -0
    I was challenged by some adults in my writers group to write a story without pronouns. So here it is. (REALLY hard by the way.) Please tell me if I do have some pronouns in here...I probably managed to put a few in there.

    ----------

    Angel


    The boy fumbled at the window’s lock, brushing stray hair from dark gray eyes when failure became evident. Rain pounded the ground and screen on the other side of the glass. The boy’s hand pressed against the window, making fingerprints.

    For the past half-hour, music had flitted around the drops and through the glass. Though the boy was sure the music had never been heard before, the melody had a familiar air. As if the tune was a part of the boy’s soul.

    Knowing vaguely where the sound came from, the boy ran out the door, down the hallway to the front door. Hesitating only for a moment, the boy walked out in bare feet.

    Just as suspected, a person was sitting on a bench in front of an old grand piano in the park across the street. The piano had been brought there by an older kid that lived in the neighborhood during a rowdy party, and chaos had ensued until the police had kicked the party-goers out. Not a person had taken the piano, now covered in neon paint and curse words so there the piano remained.

    Now the boy, after making sure no cars were on the way, crossed the street. As the boy drew closer, the shape of a little girl in a white dress was made out. The boy quietly stood behind the girl, watching fingers press down on keys and make the beauty that sent chills up and down the spine. Nothing but noise had been drawn from the instrument, but the girl coaxed music from the piano. True music.

    The song ended, seemingly, for the girl stopped playing the normally out-of-tune piano, turning to smile at the boy.

    “Name?” a voice sweet and pure, as if plucked from heaven came from the girl’s mouth.

    Surprised, the boy could barely get out an answer, “Ryan.” There was a silence as the boy waited for the girl to relinquish her name. Here, the boy noticed the rain had suddenly stopped as if turned off by a lever. Soon, boyish impatience filled Ryan, “Name?”

    “The girl shook her head, “No name,”

    Ryan was shocked. The girl didn’t have a name?

    The girl interrupted the boy’s thoughts, “Will Ryan give name?”

    The moonlight had come then, making the girl’s light locks seem as white as the dress that the little girl wore.

    “Angel,” Ryan said with meaning. Angel smiled, lighting up the world in Ryan’s innocent eyes.

    Heat rose to Ryan’s face and the boy hastily cleared a suddenly scratchy throat, “Pretty song,” he commented.

    “Does Ryan want to hear more?” Angel asked sweetly with wide eyes.

    Ryan nodded and the girl continued to play. The time Angel played seemed to pass in a second, yet take eternity. The songs played could have pieced together wings shattered countless times or a heart as empty as an abyss.

    When the music finally faded away, so did Angel. Ryan believed with a full heart the girl was an angel, but was never sure if the girl was an angel, phantom, or hallucination.

    From that day forth, however, a good song to Ryan was a song that reminded the boy, then teenager, then man of the songs Angel played one rainy night when Ryan was a boy.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2009
  2. SilverDragon.Xx

    SilverDragon.Xx New Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Messages:
    187
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Lybster, Scotland!
    Ratings:
    +7 / 0 / -0
    Hey erm, i thought i would just say, you have quite a few Pronouns, names are Personal pronouns and words like he, she, his are subjective personal pronouns, also words like we us and them are objective pronouns. just thought that might help :)
     
  3. thestoryman

    thestoryman Is it safe?

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2009
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Kalgoorlie, Western Australia
    Ratings:
    +3 / 0 / -0
    Actually, I wouldn't know a pronoun if it stood up and pinched me. I would have to look it up in the dictionary to be totally sure what they are. But I really liked your story... very sweet.
     
  4. lacey

    lacey TFF Avian

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2009
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Flying among an endless sky
    Ratings:
    +9 / 0 / -0
    Huh...I always thought names were proper nouns. *fails*
     
  5. SilverDragon.Xx

    SilverDragon.Xx New Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2009
    Messages:
    187
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Lybster, Scotland!
    Ratings:
    +7 / 0 / -0
    i did i checked it up, and Lacey i hope you didn't think i was being rude i just thought you would like the advice :) and it was a good story anyways :) also it is hard to write a story without names, that would be almost impossible but your editing has made it a lot better :):)
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2009
  6. lacey

    lacey TFF Avian

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2009
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Flying among an endless sky
    Ratings:
    +9 / 0 / -0
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2009
  7. Black Tattoo

    Black Tattoo The Corruptor

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Messages:
    3,765
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Buckle of the Snow Belt (AKA Michigan)
    Ratings:
    +106 / 0 / -0
    LOL - What a creative challenge! I salute you, Lacey....you're a lot braver than I am. I don't think I could pull it off and not nearly so well as you have done. I really enjoyed this piece :D
     
  8. lacey

    lacey TFF Avian

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2009
    Messages:
    161
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Location:
    Flying among an endless sky
    Ratings:
    +9 / 0 / -0
    Thank you Black Tattoo! Really, the only reason I did this is because a friend of mine and I were competing with it...ahh yes...the word it is a very good word. As well as that, this, which, what, who, whose, and all the gender appropriate pronouns, etc.

    Again, thank you so much. After I was finished panicking (knowing I'd probably forgot something) I realized I'd actually enjoyed it.
     
  9. Black Tattoo

    Black Tattoo The Corruptor

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Messages:
    3,765
    Likes Received:
    88
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location:
    Buckle of the Snow Belt (AKA Michigan)
    Ratings:
    +106 / 0 / -0
    You are very welcome. :D

    Having fun is the most important thing :D
     
Search tags for this page
a story with no pronouns
,
a story with pronouns
,

a story without pronouns

,
history without pronoun
,
no pronoun story topics
,
pronoun stories
,
shorrt story without pronou
,
short pronoun story
,
short story with a lot of pronouns
,
short story with pronouns
,
short story without pronoun
,

short story without pronouns

,
stories without gender pronouns
,
stories without pronouns
,
story with a lot of pronouns
,
story with lots of pronouns
,
story with no pronouns
,

story without pronouns

,
without pronouns a story
,
writing a story without pronouns