A Seed Among Thorns - Prologue

Discussion in 'Original Works' started by Silverhand, Jun 11, 2006.

  1. Silverhand

    Silverhand Tairite Warder

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    I wrote this some time ago, and Im not sure what to make of it. I wanted to edit it and start displaying it, so people could read this and start on the other chapters (of which there are 6 so far) but I didnt actually change all that much. I just dont know what to think of it!

    So please comment on it! I never get any comments on DeviantArt :( Any help or critique is greatly appreciated!

    A Seed Among Thorns - Prologue

    The wastes of Tel Faros echoed with the ringing noises of steel falling upon steel and the harsh cries of men and women only beaten in volume by the guttural roars of the fiendish Armag’nar. The skies above the arid rolling hills of Tel Faros were bright blue, and the sun roared low in the sky with unsettling ferocity. Both sides were thankful of the blustering gales that fought off the horrible stickiness of blood and sweat.
    One of the beasts’ fists smashed Reiva hard in the chest, and her dark red cape splayed around her form as she tumbled through the air. She landed with a thud on the tough wasteland earth. Her shawl wasn’t needed on the battlefield, for she had nothing more to hide. She ripped the cloth from around her neck, and let it be carried away by the vicious winds.
    Her adversary stood above her now, and she rolled away before an axe head embedded itself in the dry, cracking ground by her side. Reiva stood for a moment beside the bulky Armag’nar and held up her two daggars and positioned her feet in her most deadly stance. The creature still heaved on the axe’s shaft, panic on its leathery weathered face.
    The wind pounded against the metal of her muscularly shaped metallic exoskeleton. As a Tairo, she looked only similar to a human in features. Her metallic exoskeleton was a mysteriously dark silver, nearly black. It was marked with gashes and rent at some points from heavy blows. On her body was the finest sheet of metal, which grew from her groin and up over her shoulders, displaying her fine muscular abdomen and proud upper-body. Her exposed skin on her face and between the joints of her natural armour were a pallid grey yet slightly shiny in colour, and a glow of faint orange light seemed to smoulder from her sockets.
    The massive Armag’nar finally wrenched its hulking weapon from the ground and turned to Reiva the Tairo as she stood, watching and waiting for the Naar to strike first. The beast grunted in dismay before letting out a magnificent yet terrifying war cry, then bounded towards Reiva. His axe flew through the air, seeming to pulling the brute along by its own weight, yet Reiva’s reaction was quick, and she slammed her open palm against the side of the axe-head. The Naar was dragged to its right by the weight of the weapon, and Reiva took this chance to jump upon her him. Her powerful thighs allowed her to fly through the air towards the Naar and grab onto the beast’s head. Standing on its back as it bent over its axe, she furiously slashed at the gap between his crudely fashioned helm and chest piece with her daggars until the beast’s roars of pain stopped suddenly and it fell down to the floor, limply.
    She took this lapse it fighting to survey the conflict. Bodies of her fallen comrades littered the plains. Overhead crows and other such foul birds waited for the conflict to end so they could swoop down and eat the flesh of the dead. The thought of her fellow warriors individual defeats made her gag, and she dared not think about the Armag’nar’s possible victory. A few yards away she saw Ceris catch a Naar in the chest with his fierce broadsword, dyeing the arid wasteland he stood upon with an unnatural shade of red liquid. Ceris caught Reiva’s eye, and he held his blade high in the air in victory. She watched in a horrible trance of dismay as the blood trickled down the raised sword like a snake, unwittingly onto the man’s leather gauntlet. She noted a flicker of movement before her senses roused her from the horrific daydream. She reluctantly stretched her arms towards the sky with her two weapons in a reply, before continuing the conflict.

    The skirmish didn’t end dramatically like the bard’s tales always did, it only seemed to reluctantly fizzle out, just as it had started.
    It sickened Reiva as she stood among her fallen friends for it to end like that. The Green Wolves quickly stopped after the first of the Armag’naar bellowed a retreat, and the men stumbled away, saddened.
    “This was not a good fight.” She muttered as she wiped the dark blood off her metal plates with a tattered rag. Ceris lurched towards Reiva, and her heart skipped a beat when she saw her friend’s fierce wounds. His armour was rent at one side and a steady stream of blood trickled between the steel plates. His face was also bloodied due to a deep cut above his eye brow, which Reiva presumed to be a claw mark. Numerous other wounds littered his gaunt form.
    "We should leave as fast as possible, more Naar will be back soon. This was a wasteful battle, I beg to know why Beorn sent us here.”
    “As would I, but for now we should concentrate on gaining as much ground from this accursed place as possible. I say we go east and across the Sa’voir.” Ceris cocked his head. “It seems odd now, but we will be over the river before our enemies regain the lost distance. It would be nightfall by then, making their tracking difficult, especially if we go through the De’sar Forest first.”
    “Excellent thinking. As soon as I rip out Beorn’s throat with my hands I’ll vote you as the new Away Brigade’s Mistress right away. I’d like to see him give lunatic orders after that. You are right, though. No one could track us through those bizarre forests be it light or day, let alone those animals.” Ceris stood taller now with his head up, almost standing to attention.
    “My thoughts exactly, shall I call Caria?” Ceris nodded, and Reiva called out to a young female, who was about a hundred yards away. She dejectedly picked through the dead, salvaging weapons and armour. Once Reiva had caught her attention, the Tario made a collection of expressions with her hands and arms. At this, Caria procured a long silver instrument from her waist around two feet long. She held it to her mouth and blew, and a series of ear splitting yet beautiful notes were expelled from the various holes in the long metal tube. The disheveled band of warriors ceased their grieving and slowly shuffled towards the brigade’s caravan of wagons. After an hour’s hasty deliberation the group made their way east towards the hazy green outline of trees on the horizon.
     
  2. Dephere

    Dephere New Member

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    Hey, I don't have time at the moment to give this a thorough critique, but I'll come back to it. I did, however, want to give you my impressions from a quick read through.

    You seem to have a grasp of your writing talent. This was nice and I felt immersed right from the get go.

    I will, when I get time, point out some mistakes, shortcomings, and the things I liked.

    Sorry couldn't go in to detail at the moment.
     
  3. Silverhand

    Silverhand Tairite Warder

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    Thanks! Hey, it's no problem, no rush :) Thanks for your time when or if you get round to it :D