A kindly piece o' advice

Discussion in 'Original Works' started by Ender-Zero, May 7, 2010.

  1. Ender-Zero

    Ender-Zero Ruff Mercenary

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    Well come on folks an’ gather ‘round
    Take a seat and get cozy
    Listen up and don’t interrupt my story
    Or you’ll end up with a broken nose, see

    Now this here tale’s ‘bout a big ole bastard
    Goes by the name o’ razormaw
    An’ let me tell ya boys an’ girls
    He’s the biggest damn sturgeon I ever done saw

    When I heard o’ that bastard
    I was out ‘round the coast o’ Squamish town
    ‘Cause hell son, when it comes to a challenge
    I ain’t never one to back down

    Now there was I, so busy braggin’ how I’d be the one
    To catch that big ole fish
    That I never heard the warnin’s
    O’ that good fisherman, ‘cept when he said, “Son, you wish.”

    Now razormaw, he’s a sturgeon must be centuries ole
    Twenty five feet long an’ ‘bout a quarter that wide
    Young was I, bold an’ dumb, filled with piss an’ beer
    But when I first done saw that hell spawn, I almost ran to hide

    Now the open water’s a wide plain
    An’ razormaw, he’s one relentless sonuvabitch
    After an hour or so back an’ forth I had ‘im on my hook
    Or mayhaps he ‘ad me by my rod, it’s hard to tell which

    He swung ‘round an’ pulled me out into the water
    I saw the hellfire in ‘is eyes
    An’ let me tell ya gentle folks
    I was certain I was gonna die

    Razormaw, he came on in an’ circled ‘round me
    Tried to take my life a time or two
    But a mighty fine swimmer am I, dodgin’ ‘is death charges,
    Threw some punches, an’ even landed a few

    But it would take more than that
    He an’ I both knew
    If this kept up long
    I’d be another snack for ‘im to chew

    So waited did I, for another charge
    An’ narrowly outta the way did I get
    Swung up onto ‘is back an’ got my rod in ‘is maw
    Held on tight, on that ya can surely bet

    Rode that bastard on back to my boat
    An’ as he dove down so did I jump up
    Riled up my motor
    An’ tossed out my bait for ‘im to sup

    Now ya might call me yellow bellied
    ‘Cause sure, I done did turn tail awful fast
    But if I hadn’t son
    Hell, I’d be another memory o’ the past

    I reckon razormaw’s still out there
    Waitin’ for another meal
    My advice be to leave ‘im be
    Or your life’s what he’ll steal