Old Folks Home

[Jolly Roger]

I don't have herpes. Anymore.

[Nomina Sunt Odiosa]

Pff. I've cut my holiday short. I was bored out of my skull. I'd rather be at work. I suppose I could've used the time to work on my novel, but as it's never going to be published anyway I might as well earn some money. Happy birthday Lego, by the way. 23 ain't a bad age to be.

[The Chaos Engine]

Feel free to be ignored by someone named after some yellow bricks. His name goes on The List.

[Nomina Sunt Odiosa]

I'm used to being ignored. My mother ran away before I was born.

[The Chaos Engine]

I've just consumed the best part of two bottles of Scotch to help me kick this bug I've got. Apologies for any typos, but I can barely seen the keyboard. All I want is a decent night's sleep without coughing my lungs up. Being mortal is a bitch.

[Nomina Sunt Odiosa]

Originally Posted by The Chaos Engine

I've just consumed the best part of two bottles of Scotch to help me kick this bug I've got. Apologies for any typos, but I can barely seen the keyboard. All I want is a decent night's sleep without coughing my lungs up. Being mortal is a bitch.

Damn, you've had that bug a long time, Chaos. Give up the cigs, dude. (Who am I to talk, on 40 a day?) Seriously, though, you need to sort out your lifestyle. My health is screwed, but that's because I'm a contrary bastard and have no intention of leaving behind a healthy corpse. You should be more senisible.

[The Chaos Engine]

Sensibilty eludes me. Smoking makes me, if not happy, then content. I'll live with the consequences. We're all going to die. I want to enjoy my life while I can. Plus I'm a git of the first order, which means I ignore any advice I'm given. Sorry.

[Nomina Sunt Odiosa]

I Wish I'd Looked After My Teeth
by Pam Ayres

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth,
And spotted the perils beneath,
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food,
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

I wish I'd been that much more willin'
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To pass up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers
And to buy something else with me shillin'.

When I think of the lollies I licked,
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

My Mother, she told me no end,
"If you got a tooth, you got a friend"
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin'
And pokin' and fussin'
Didn't seem worth the time... I could bite!

If I'd known I was paving the way,
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fillin's
Injections and drillin's
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.

So I lay in the old dentist's chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine,
In these molars of mine,
"Two amalgum," he'll say, "for in there."

How I laughed at my Mother's false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath,
But now comes the reckonin'
It's me they are beckonin'
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

Says it all, really...

[The Chaos Engine]

I confer on you Sainthood, my friend.

[Nomina Sunt Odiosa]

I already considered myself a Saint. Thanks for the vote, though.

[Senekha]

Originally Posted by The Chaos Engine

I confer on you Sainthood, my friend.

Technically you can't proclaim him a saint until he's performed 3 miracles AFTER his death. Just fyi.

[The Chaos Engine]

Originally Posted by Senekha

Technically you can't proclaim him a saint until he's performed 3 miracles AFTER his death. Just fyi.

He quoteth the mighty Pam Ayres. That's good enough for me.

[Nomina Sunt Odiosa]

Easily pleased or what?

[Jolly Roger]

Originally Posted by Senekha

Technically you can't proclaim him a saint until he's performed 3 miracles AFTER his death. Just fyi.

Pedantry, thy name is Senekha.

[Nomina Sunt Odiosa]

Ouch. My leg hurts. It's not relevant to this conversation, just thought I'd let you all know.