|
Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
No offense to you blondies, heck, I'm kind of blonde, kind of.
A blonde girl suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She becomes so mad that she goes out and buys a gun. Upon arriving at her boyfriend's house she finds him in the arms of another girl. Angry, she points the gun towards him, but soon she becomes very sad and points the gun to her own head. The boyfriend screams, "Don't do it!", so she says, "shut up you're next!" |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches
up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is "CONNIE" and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is "CONNIE" , and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is "CONNIE", and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says... Hi my name is Kevin, it's winter in Wisconsin, and I'm driving the damn SALT TRUCK! |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Norman and his wife live in Calgary.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimeters of snow today. You must park..........." then the electric power goes out. Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice like all of us men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?" |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
This is kind of an old one so bear with me.
A blonde goes into a doctors office with 2 giant burn marks on either side of her face. The doctor asks her what happened and she replies, "Well, I was ironing when I heard the phone ring, so I accidentally put the iron up to my ear." The doctor, looking puzzled, asks, "Ok, then how did you get the burn mark on the other side of your face?" She looks at him and says, "They called back." |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
One day, a blonde's husband comes home from work and finds his wife looking very hard at a frozen can of orange juice and asks her what she is doing. She replies, "The can said concentrate."
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
In an office full of blonde secretaries, how do you tell which one is a natural blonde?
She's the one with a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pen. |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
One day, a blonde, brunette and red-head had a competition to see who could find the hardest word in the dictionary
The brunette found dizziness The red-head found photosynthesis The blonde found penis. |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door. |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
...heh...
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum
deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more. "I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any" 'But I always buy it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist "YES", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant" |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Nienor :D
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Quote:
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
sorry, my copy and paste was incomplete. :D
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
No biggie, glad to help. :)
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Quote:
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Quote:
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said,
"No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink." "Why is that," the host asked? Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ...anyone can!" |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
lol
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Quote:
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
A blonde, brunette and a redhead, all good friends are each 3 months pregnant.
The redhead comes out with, "I’m having a baby boy".The blonde asks, "How do you know that" The redhead says, "When we were having sex, I was on top" The brunette then says "Than I must be having a baby girl, since I was on the bottom when we were having sex" The blonde begins to cry uncontrollably. Both friends ask why she is so upset. I’m going to have puppies" |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
...a hundred dollar bill :) |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
two blonde girls came upon some tracks. one blonde says they are dear tracks, and the other blonde girl said they are wolf tracks. 5 minutes later they got hit by a train
this ones pretty ghetto |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Quote:
:devildl: |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
You, sir, must be a blonde. Who else comes by and reminds me of something I said well over a year ago. :rolleyes:
Since when did it become my job to be a good example? I don't recall being elected the morality police. |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are applying for a job.
The interviewer then decides that he'll ask them to take a simple test. When the red-head walks in, he tells her this, and asks her, "How many d's in Indiana Jones?". So the red-head quickly replies one. When it's the red-heads, turn, she counts off the letter on her finger's, and replies, "One". Now when the blonde walks in, and when she is asked the question, she replies, "7423". When the interviewer asked how she came to that answer, she replied, "De dede deee, de dee dee...." (imagine Indy Jones theme tune) rofl....what a poor joke XD |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too. |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Okay, There are 99 blondes and 1 brunette hanging of a cliff. one of them has to let go so the other 99 can get back up again.
Tha brunette volenteers and the blondes all start clapping. |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
1 Attachment(s)
Hmm
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
A man sitting next to a beautiful blonde on a plane looked over to see her seemingly in shock from the headline in the newspaper she was holding, which
read: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed in Riots." She turned toward him and with trembling voice asked "How many is a brazilian?" |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
A blonde decides to do something wild that she
hasn't done before -- rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. The blonde says, "I just rented an adult movie from you, and there's nothing on the tape but static." The store clerk replies, "Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" The blonde says, "It's called Head Cleaner." |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
haha...they did that on Bob and Tom...Mr. OBvious if i'm not mistaken :p
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
That was a good one Jake...My brother sent me this one...watch the video...it's hilarious...
Blonde Star |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
It's not too often that you hear a joke about blond guys...
Two blonde guys were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick." |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Nice Turin *snicker* 'bout time we heard about the guys :p
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
OMG that's so hilarious! :D lol
|
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
BLONDE COOKBOOK!
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any. THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden. FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left. SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten. SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger,much to my disappointment. GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom int! o buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose. |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Blonde: Can I Please Buy That Microwave?
Shopkeeper: No I Don't Serve Blondes So The Blonde Goes And Dyes Her Hair Black And Goes Back To The Shop. Blonde:Can I Please Buy That Microwave? Shopkeeper:No I Don't Serve Blondes. So The Blonde Goes And Dyes Her Hair Purple And Goes Back To The Shop. Blonde: Can I Please Buy That Microwave? Shopkeeper: No I Don't Serve Blondes. Blonde: How Do You Know I'm A Blonde?? Shopkeeper: Because That's A Television. |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Amy, a blonde Texas city girl, marries a Texas rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?" So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here." Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me, Little Lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?" "That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently. Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?" She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says: "I guess it's to hang your pants on..." |
Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter." *************** Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children? She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese. *************** Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours. ***************** A blonde was driving and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first." **************** A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames." **************** A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. "Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee". *************** This has to be one of the best blonde jokes around. This should make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD: A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone. The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "How do you like your new phone?" Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand..." "What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband. "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?" |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:00 AM. |
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.7.2,
Copyright ©2000 - 2010 , Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.