Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

A blonde decides to do something wild that she
hasn't done before --
rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the
video store and after
looking around for a while, selects a title that
sounds very
stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into
something comfortable,
and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment,
there's nothing
but static on the screen, so she calls the video
store to complain.

The blonde says, "I just rented an adult movie from
you, and there's
nothing on the tape but static."

The store clerk replies, "Sorry about that. We've
had problems with
some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

The blonde says, "It's called Head Cleaner."

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

haha...they did that on Bob and Tom...Mr. OBvious if i'm not mistaken :p

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

That was a good one Jake...My brother sent me this one...watch the video...it's hilarious...

Blonde Star

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

It's not too often that you hear a joke about blond guys...

Two blonde guys were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

Nice Turin *snicker* 'bout time we heard about the guys :p

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

OMG that's so hilarious! :D lol

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

BLONDE COOKBOOK!

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I
made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs
separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan
me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper.
The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't
dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend
home for supper.

WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe
said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It
seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I
can't say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I
tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay
on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom
asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies.
It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.
There must have been something wrong with this
recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as
when I left.

SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and
brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for
Sunday (oh boy).For some reason Tom keeps counting
to ten.

SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted
to serve roast but all I had was hamburger.
Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the
hamburger in the oven and set the controls for
roast. It still came out hamburger,much to
my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very
exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I
can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom
int! o buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise
him with chocolate moose.

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

Blonde: Can I Please Buy That Microwave?
Shopkeeper: No I Don't Serve Blondes
So The Blonde Goes And Dyes Her Hair Black And Goes Back To The Shop.
Blonde:Can I Please Buy That Microwave?
Shopkeeper:No I Don't Serve Blondes.
So The Blonde Goes And Dyes Her Hair Purple And Goes Back To The Shop.
Blonde: Can I Please Buy That Microwave?
Shopkeeper: No I Don't Serve Blondes.
Blonde: How Do You Know I'm A Blonde??
Shopkeeper: Because That's A Television.

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

Amy, a blonde Texas city girl, marries a Texas rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to
Amy,
"The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn.
You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"
So the rancher leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the
front door.
Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along a long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one... right here."
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another
ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me, Little Lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"
"That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very
confidently.
Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"
She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says:
"I guess it's to hang your pants on..."

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

***************
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
She heard that one out of every four children born in the world was Chinese.

***************

Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

*****************

A blonde was driving and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

****************

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a
hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

****************

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked.

"Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"

The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".


***************


This has to be one of the best blonde jokes around.
This should make all you technologically challenged people feel GOOD:

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features.

Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "How do you like your new phone?"

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand..."

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

ROFL. I never even heard this one before. :D

And how does my husband keep knowing I'm at Walmart... :confused:

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her doctor.
Doctor: "What is your dream about?"
Blonde: "I am being chased by a vampire..."
Doctor: "So, where are you in this dream?"
Blonde: "I am running in a hallway."
Doctor: "Then what happens?"
Blonde: "Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won't budge!"
Doctor: "Does the door have any letters on it?"
Blonde: "Yes."
Doctor: "And what do these letter spell?"
Blonde: "P.. U... L... L..."

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays.

"My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself...

"Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.

After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

Re: Dumb blonde jokes: rated PG
 

that joke was soooooooooooooooooooooo lame man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!